Boyfriend and porn issues., Big deal or am I overreacting? Options

[docsgirl]

Probably only mature users should read this, because this topic does deal with sex/porn. Just some forewarning.


Ok, here is a bit of background for you all. I am 20 years old, and my boyfriend is 19, we have been dating for almost a year and a half now. We are sexually active and have been for a while. I feel as if we have a good sex life, and my boyfriend hasn't come to me about any problems.

So my boyfriend has a large sexual appetite, and before we started dating he told me he use to look at porn a lot. I have asked him if he still does, and he said no. I believed him cause I didn't have a reason not to.

But one day while I was on his computer in the drop down URL box there were several porn sites, so I snooped and looked in his history and there were lots of sites and he said it was all old and he doesn't look anymore. So I let it go. He also got rid of the history option on his internet, so the history is cleared daily.

Then a few days ago while he showered I surfed the internet. He had just recently got his computer working after a few weeks of being with out it. And of course in the URL drop down box there were more porn sites. I can't confront him about it really because it wasn't any of my business to really be looking, but I wasn't snooping on purpose- I wasn't looking for porn sites hoping to catch him.

I am completely ok with porn, I know some people love porn (my boyfriend was basically a porn addict), so I wouldn't expect him to not look at it anymore. At first it make me feel bad about myself, but now it doesn't bother me, but it does bother me he lied.

So here is what I am asking, am I overreacting about the whole deal, and I should just forget about it? Or do I need to talk to him about this, because lying isn't something I am ok with, but him looking at porn and being truthful I am. And if I do talk to him about it, how do I make sure it doesn't seem like I was snooping.

Edit- Many people seem to be confused and want to accuse me of hating on porn and being some crazy woman who is jealous of the girls in the movies. Please understand that porn was not the issue in this post. Lying was the issue.

Also this is really ironic. My boyfriend owns several different websites and him and his friend actually thought about managing a porn website that would advertise for large porn websites because they heard it would produce a lot of money, but they decided against it. And i was ok with him doing this, as long as he was just involved with mantaining the website.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Hmm, It is wrong to go through other peoples things. I would have bitched slaped you right then and there. :-/
But thats me. Anyway. I don't think it is that big of deal. Are you jellous or something? My boyfriend looks at porn and we have been going out for over a year now. I have no problem with it. I must say that everyone has their own ways of getting " Turned On". I would say that you should talk to him about it if you have been with him for a long amount of time you should be able to talk to him. If you cant talk to him that should tell you something.

Good luck.

[docsgirl]

Oh i have no problem porn, my problem is he has been lying about it. It makes me worry about whatelse he might lie about.

One again i didn't really snoop. I did at first, but that was a while ago, but this time i was merely typing in 'www.myspace.com' and when i got to 'www.my' the drop down box was showing past entries beginging with that and one was like 'www.mynaughtyneighbor.com' or something like that.

So the real issue isn't porn, its lying.

[orgasm]

I don't think he should have lied to you. You have every reason to be bothered about that.

I think you should talk to him. So you were on the internet while he was showering and found some porn sites on his url dropdown... it's not snooping. Tell him you really don't mind, you just wish he didn't have to lie about it.

Hm. I don't have a problem with porn either,... I'd just be a little insulted if my hypothetical boyfriend was getting off on porn while we were together. It's kind of a feminine thing and pride to be everything he needs, you know?

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Tell him what you just said to the reply that you said to me.

" but this time i was merely typing in 'www.myspace.com' and when i got to 'www.my' the drop down box was showing past entries beginging with that and one was like 'www.mynaughtyneighbor.com' or something like that. "


He should understand and tell you the truth.

[OhMyAnniee]

^ Yeah, I agree.

[bewareblonde]

it shouldnt bother you as long as hes still interested in you

[femmefatale4160]

Tell him what you just said to the reply that you said to me.

" but this time i was merely typing in 'www.myspace.com' and when i got to 'www.my' the drop down box was showing past entries beginging with that and one was like 'www.mynaughtyneighbor.com' or something like that. "
He should understand and tell you the truth.

Yes, do that. If his lying bothers you, tell him so.

Did you know that looking at porn makes it harder for guys to get aroused? I'm just sayin.'

[me1issaaaa]

I don't think he should have lied to you. You have every reason to be bothered about that.

I think you should talk to him. So you were on the internet while he was showering and found some porn sites on his url dropdown... it's not snooping. Tell him you really don't mind, you just wish he didn't have to lie about it.

Hm. I don't have a problem with porn either,... I'd just be a little insulted if my hypothetical boyfriend was getting off on porn while we were together. It's kind of a feminine thing and pride to be everything he needs, you know?

EXACTLYYYY WHAT I WAS THINKING.

[smileeetina]

I read something about guys & them being addicted to porn. Here`s a peice of it.

Temptation 3: PORNOGRAPHY
Hey fellas. I know most of you think "there's nothin' wrong with a little
Jenna Jameson after a hard days work", but... I disagree.

When you're done watching porn and you've finished
"laying the smackdown" on yourself, you are left with
more than just sticky hands and wadded up kleenex.

You are left with images BURNED into your mind.
You can go to internet explorer and hit "CLEAR HISTORY"...
You can locate your Limewire folders and delete all your videos...
You can even throw out all your Playboy mags and hardcore xxx tapes...
Regardless, the images will still haunt you.

When you're having a simple conversation with a close female friend,


It becomes harder to stay faithful to your girlfriend/wife.

It becomes harder to concentrate when you're around women.
You begin to think you're "in love" when you're actually just horny.

This MIGHT seem like a joke for you, but if you're seriously struggling
with porn, and find yourself watching it everyday, check out this website:



This site is not only helpful, but really funny!
You see... Whether you admit it or NOT. the more porn you watch,
the CRAZIER your addiction becomes. It starts off with regular porn,
but then you get tired of it. Suddenly, you find yourself watching
bestiality, lolitas, hentai, and shemales! Before you know it, you
get to the point where you're watching girls peeing and crapping
all over each other! SO PLEASE...


FIGHT IT. THIS KIND OF STUFF
CAN REALLY MESS YOU UP.
IT DESTROYS MARRIAGES
ALL THE TIME.

[femmefatale4160]

^o_O...O_o...O_O



Whoa.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

^o_O...O_o...O_O
Whoa.

Thats what I was thinking.

[docsgirl]

Thanks for all the good advice guys, I haven't talked to him about it yet- I'm not sure if i am going to quite yet. You all had great things to say.


Although that XXXchurch.com website was a bit extreme for me.

[elaboratedream]

talk to him about the lying, like you've said, the porn isn't the real issue.

but it could mostly be that he's a little embarassed about it.

[DORKalicious]

It's possible that people can actually get addicted to porn, and that's not good. It can lead to serious problems. But if your comfortable with porn than i guess that's ok, but an alarm kind of goes off in my head when you say he's kind of a "porn addict". idk it's kind of degrading, and the fact that he lied to you about it and tried to cover it up is pretty shady. you really need to say something to him about it, and if he keeps doing it i'd probably leave.

[docsgirl]

Well i talked ot him about it, and he admitted to looking at it while i was gone for a week. He said he was glad i came and talked to him about it. He said he wouldn't lie to me about looking at porn, but he wasn't going to just come forward and tell me without me asking. But in the end everything is just fine.

I also think "porn addict" was a bit harsh- he is just a overly horny teenager.

[_sarcastic_]

^ that's good that he actually came clean.

[x3hynalocax3]

I think you overreacted. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now, and we both enjoy porn. I mean, are you jealous of those girls on the internet? Why would you really care at what he looks at? Your sex life is fine and has been fine for a long time (you said), and he probably never stopped looking at porn since you guys started dating...

Anyway, my point is why are you getting jealous of someone he can't even touch? Do you have low self esteem? There is no reason to get upset that you're boyfriend looks at porn. Like 98% of men do. I am a girl and I like porn. Tons of people like it. I wouldn't be worried about your man watching porn, I would be more worried about him ordering a prostitute (if he's obsessed with porn... you never know what he might do to get a girl to do something in one of those videos that you probably won't do).

Stop being jealous. I would have been pissed if someone was snooping around my computer. And your boyfriend lies to you because he knew you would be upset if you found out. At least he's thinking about your feelings.

[***Lucy**]

And your boyfriend lies to you because he knew you would be upset if you found out. At least he's thinking about your feelings.

^ Umm no.. that's not true..
I mean if he did care about her feelings then he shouldn't lie to her because she wouldn't be happy afterwards.
When u lie it's 100% sure that u'll make the other person sad (and mad sometimes) cause soon or later they'll find out the truth, and they will hate the fact that u lied to them..

Now about the porn thing.......... I dunno if it's normal, but I hink she's kinda right for being jealous... My brother who is a cassanova, isn't obssesed with pron. Ok he watche sit but when he has agrilfriend(almost always as he hates being single) he does prefer having sex with her than watching porn..
On the other hand, it's true that almost every man loves it so...........

[xourzestt]

i duno... he mite just break-up with you.. Or you break up with him. It's just a feeling i have.

[docsgirl]

X3HynaLocaX3 I am sorry but you must of not of read my post- because i have stated many times I do not have a problem with porn. So before you point the blame finger at me for being some crazed jealous girlfriend read the post please.

lol. I don't even know where to go from there. I mean I myself have looked at porn before, so the issue was lying. And lying isn't caring about someone’s feelings for the most part. Maybe certain cases that may be the case- but that’s not to common. Relationships aren't built on lies, and i fear for your relationship if you feel lying is ok.

But i feel if a girl wants to be jealous of the women her man may look at in movies i feel she has every right. But i myself am not jealous of porn stars- as long as he is not out there trying to find another girl i am ok with him doing whatever he wants to get off.

[xXSydneyXx]

the lying part would piss me off. that's not good.
but the porn thing.
hey he's a guy, you can't blame him. /:

[RyeCatcher]

You are kind of overreacting but he shouldnt have lied to you but maybe the reason he did was because he didnt want to upset you. my girlfriend does not mind me watching porn i mean its a guy thing ya kno. now if it was gay porn then you have a problem

[yaamakoh]

He doesn't love porn, he loves you.
When a man gets lonely, and when he desires a sexual appetite, they watch porn and masturbate. It's a given history for all males since the internet became published =].
But yeah, just the fact he lied to you was indeed wrong, but maybe he had a good reason to. Maybe he was scared that you would overreact, or thought that you would assume that porn has more control over him than you do as a girlfriend. But yeah, porn shouldn't interfere with any relationship, plus I know most couples that watch it together.
About the lying issue, confront him about it. A small issue like porn can blow up into bigger issues related to lying... plus a long term relationship creates more trust, and also creates a better way to break trust. Trust issues are found generally in long term relationships than short term ones, so I would urge you to speak to him about it. Just try not to overreact or have a wrong tone of voice.

[Mikael]

its been 16 days after your post. maybe the situation still lingers.

I say, leave it alone. Its not something worth confronting him about. It could put a huge dent on the relationship and it would create less trust.

two things could be, he didnt want to tell you just to avoid an unknown reaction, or he changed his mind and still likes to watch porn, but doesnt want to tell you cause he feels that you dont want him to watch it at all.