Well, I'm going to post one of mine..., (Holly you can read and post if you like) Options

[*Uronacid*]

Well here's whats up... This is my piont of veiw... not Holly's, I guess I really don't know Holly's, but I'm searching for advice... I don't care if she sees me talking about the situation, because I guess we don't personally know anyone, and really I'm just looking for advice because I just want our relationship to be better. I will think about all the advice you guys give me, and argue with you to find out wether you r advice is good or not. Everything is appriciated. So, if she does get angery (which I don't think she will). She'll only be getting mad at me for trying to make things better... and that doesn't ake any sense... O_o *sigh* I think to much. I know many of you are going to tell me I'm an a-hole... if that's the case, I don't mind. The only think I ask is that you tell me how you all think that I could make the situation better.

First I'll give you a little backround on me:

I am Josh:
-I am 20.
-I am wild.
-I do crazy things all the time. Like dance, get drunk, go out of the house for weeks at a time spending the night atfter night at friends house after friends house.
-I have a job, and I make about $500 every two weeks.
-I work part time but only because I goto college at ITT (mid-qway through my second year.), and keep my grades at an 80 or higher (50% of my grades are 4.0's).
-I have 3 speeding tickets, a cell phone ticket, and I know my lawyer very very well....
-I'm very laid back, nothing has to be perfect for me, but I would like it to be good.
-I'm a big thinker. I anaylize everything, and think abotu everything to fines possible detail that I can come up with.
-I try to think out side the box, and understand everything about everything.
-I'm impacient, but Holly has deffinitly turned me into a more pacient person.
-I tend to talk down to people... but I don't do it on purpose.
-I'm extremely an quick thinker. I think so friggin fast, but I love people that make my thoughts freeze.
-I love it when people prove me wrong, or when people say things that shut me up because I realize how wrong I am.



Well, anyways... here's what I'm stressing about:

Oct, 3rd 2005 was the first day we had ever talked to eachother. I don't know... well, it was kind of special to me. I guess I was expecting to talk to her for a little bit at least. Almost like a happy birthday phone call, and then let her go if she was doing something... I called her and left her a nice voice mail, "I love you, and *something about it being one year adn that I was happy*... have a great day. :D". I called her up at about 4:00PM, to see if she had gotten home from school... but there was no answer. So, I was like... oh well, she's probably doing something. I waited, went out with some friends, and called her at about 6:00PM... no answer... alright, w/e... probably still busy, but I was really excited. So I went and played some games with my friend and watched some movies with my family, and called her at about 10:00PM... still no answer, but I guess I was getting dissapionted... I figured she fell asleep, but it only made me feel worse because I felt like she didn't care. It made me think, Maybe, it's not a big deal.. maybe I shoudln't have cared so much. I got a little bit worried, and though to myself... God, I'm calling her like a maniac... I shouldn't have called her so much... I stoped and thought to myself some more. I thought about this thing that one of my co-workers said to me. If you love just call her... if she loves you and your freaking out abotu something and you need to talk, she'll understand I decided to call one more time, but I would wait until it was late. It was about 12:00am and I decided to call one more time. I left a voice mail... and said, "Good night, Sweet Dreams, I love you."... I decided to call one more time, and then she picked up. She sounded tired, and said, "Oh, hey... I was sleeping..." I told her I only wanted to say good night, said it, and let her go. I felt bad for waking her up. I played some more games with my friend Jake, and went to bed.

I didn't realize how it had effected me until the next day, when I just let her call me. I was kinda quiet. She kept asking me what was wrong, and I told her nothing was wrong.... I just wanted to get over it because I felt as if I was being completely rediculous. I was afraid that if I told her, she would sit there and not say anything after I said everything. There is nothing that hurts more than saying how you feel and having someone not say anything back. I told her how I felt, and she said, "Well, don't worry about it. Just tell me."...

I told her I felt stupid. I felt like I expected to talk to her and I felt dumb for expecting that. I know that it may have been more important to me than it was to her, and that I felt as if I had only let myself down.

Now, if you know me, you would realize that if you say something. I will always say something back, and if I don't say something back when I'm hurtin it usually means that you said the right thing. I'm also mean...

She replied, "Well, I wanted to talk to you"
I said, "Then why didn't you call?"
She said, "I was mowing the lawn, I was tired... and I went to bed."
I said, "That shows how much you wanted to."
I know that wasn't right... ugh, why the hell did I just say that.
Her,"Well, I didn't think it wasn't important."
Me, "Well, if it was important then why didn't you return my call."


So, after I said that... she was completely quiet... I know what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear her say something like, "Hey, I'm sorry... I didn't know, I love you." Maybe not in those words, but I knew that if she said that... It would make me instantly better. I sat there on the phone and didn't say anything for a while.

"Well?", She said
"What? I already told you how I feel", I said
"What are you thinking?", She replied.
"I didn't want this to happen... that's why I wasn't going to tell you..."

*silent*

I started to get frustrated, and whated to go because it was so quiet... the silence was killing me... "I have to go, silence doesn't help... I'm sorry..."

"Ok...", in a whimpery kind of voice.

Ugh... she's sad... I shouldn't go, if I go she'll probably just feel like I don't care... DAM IT!

I sat on the phone...

"Why aren't you going?", again in the tiny voice.

*silence*

"I want to end this on a good note... What are you thinking?"

*silence*

I was starting to get annoyed to I said: "I told you what I was thinking... so, cmon, it's only fair... tell me what your thinking..."

"I'm not you."

I replied, "Well, yeah, but it was difficult for m to say what I said.... but I sucked it up and said it. I told you how I feel."

"I'm makeing a descision."

"What are you asking yourself?"

"I can't tell you..."

"Does it have anything to do with me?"

"Yeah, but mostly it has to do with me..."

"Yeah, well most of the descisions I make about our relationship have to do with mostly me... I mean, I can't make descisions for you...", if that makes sense... Maybe, I'm a typical guy. Ugh...

I faught for a while trying to find out what the descision was... frustrated... I asked her if she felt overwhelmed and if she wanted a break. She asked me what a break was. I told her, "It's a period of time where you would be able to think about things without me influencing your descisions.". She told me she didn't want to. She's afriad I want a break, I thought to myself. "Well, I don't need a break. I'm jsut asking if you want want one. I just feel like you're so overwhelmed, and you may want one." She replied with a simple, "no."

I was so frustrated and confused. So, decided to ask if she was questioning our relationship. She said that she wasn't. Keep in mind, I wasn't happy... I was in a really bad mood, and I didn't sound very happy either.

I was so annoyed... God, I was going insane in my head... silence makes me absolutley nuts... My mind thinks at warp speed, and I have no idea how to control it. Silence only makes it worse.

If I'm in a good mood it makes me think abotu good things... If I'm in a bad mood it makes me think about bad things... It's a plague. At times it's so bad that I literaly avoid reading Holly's posts because I'll just get upset if I'm in a bad mood. After a while, it was just rediculous... we are both tottally different people on CB. It's weird, I see her post her thoughts and feelings about issues, and it just makes me more frustrated because I sit there and think... How can she say that when she doesn't practice that herself!!! So, I jsut avoid reading things when I'm mad at her... It's better for the both of us I think.

Anyways, she said, "You sound tired, you should goto bed..."
I told her, "I'm not tired, don't pin this on me... if you want to goto bed... then goto bed."
She says, "Well, can I goto bed?"
I say, "Sure... I would rather just fight this out though. It's not my descision. I can only move if you move."
"Well, good night..."

I stop her, and say," Before you goto bed, I'm not calling you tomarrow. Not because I don't want to talk to you, but I want to giv you a break if you need it. If you don't want to call or talk to me. That's fine. If you want to talk to me. That's fine too. It's entirely up to you. I don't need a break, but you seem really over whelmed so. This is what I'm doing. Next time you call me... I'm going to ask you about this friggin question."

We exchange good-nights, I-love-you's, and goto bed...

The next day she calls me at about 9:00PM, I'm dropping my friend of at his house, and I can't talk right now. I tell her I love her, and I tell her I'll cal her in a little bit. I think it's rude to talk to someone on the phone while you're at someone's house. So, about 30-45 minutes later I call her on the way home. I talk for a while, jokeing around and such. I told her I was going to ask her so I was true to my word. She ignores the fact that I said anything and starts talking about some thing asking me if I can relate to it. I really didn't know what she was talking about, but I wanted to understand so I said. "Well, I don't know... either I'm just not understanding or you have to explain it in a way so that I can understand." It really seemed like she was beeting around the bush. Like something had happened in real life, but she was making up all this hypothetical situations just to avoid telling me the truth. So, I came out and said, "Look, rather than telling me all these hypothetical situations... why don't you just tell me what really happened?"

"I can't."

I instantly feel the burn. I'm so frustrated... NOT AGAIN... GOD DON'T DO THIS AGAIN

I calmly say, "Why not?"

"I don't want you to think anything."

That make's so frustrated because I feel as if she would just tell me in the first place, without thinking abotu it. Then I wouldn't think about it because she wouldn't be leading on like it was a big deal or anything.

We end up getting into a fight similar to the other one... it lasts abotu an hour.... and I end up telling her, "look... don't call me until you're willing to talk to me about both of those things... I'm so sick of you bringing things up and droping them. It's so annoying. If your going to bring something up, then talk about. I'm serious, it really bothers me, I'm not caling you either. If it takes a week, I don't care, if it takes 2 weeks I don't care. I'm sick of this. You do it way to much. I feel like I hit a brick wall when I'm in a conversation."

I feel like I messed up, but I will not call... I will hold true to my word. What do I do...

What I want:
Man... I guess I jsut have no idea what's going on... I wish I knew so it wasn't so scarey

[OhMyAnniee]

First of all, it's cool how I was able to imagine all of it.

ANYWAYS, if she's not telling you something it's probably something that she doesn't know your answer to it and she's afraid of what will happen if she told you. Or you might overreact so if she decides to tell you, don't overreact & hear her entire story first.

[pinacoolada]

Josh..
Maybe she's afraid you'll worry about whatever she's gonna say.

[*Zatanna*]

Aw man. You guys are way too damn cute together to be this way right now. But these things happen in relationships.

It really does sound like BOTH of you need a break right now.

Also, you need to remember that Holly just started going to a public school (well, in the sense that she was previosly home schooled (if memory serves)). She's done trememdously well in this transition, but things just may be WAY crazy for her right now both in psychologically and emotionally. Please don't think this is me taking "the girl's" side because it isn't. I honestly know nothing of the details of your relationship. I'm just piecing together what I do know.

So take a step back, relax and just be cool for a little while. Both of you.

[*Uronacid*]

Well, damn... I'm just so friggin frustrated with everything... she has done this many times before... I'm not willing to break it off.

I get really pissed... like, really pissed... I say things like, "Man, I want CUSS YOU RIGHT NOW! f**k!" I will literally grab my head hair with one hand... >.> It might be pretty amusing... I don't cuss her out... I just spin circles around in my stomach...

It's funny how you guys have no idea... we have dealt with this so many times before... I have just never put it on CB

God, I love her... I hate this... I have to keep to my word tho...

First of all, it's cool how I was able to imagine all of it.

ANYWAYS, if she's not telling you something it's probably something that she doesn't know your answer to it and she's afraid of what will happen if she told you. Or you might overreact so if she decides to tell you, don't overreact & hear her entire story first.

Alright, yeah I kind of figured that... I deffinitly overreact, but I'm just reacting to her not telling me... I listened to her whole story BTW, and she told me, "Well, I guess you can't relate... so forget it then." That's when I lost it.

Josh..
Maybe she's afraid you'll worry about whatever she's gonna say.

Sure, but she's consistantly afriad of telling people how she feels... consistantly! Have you guys ever seen her post anything in the relationships thread? I know I havn't. She doesn't tell anyone how she feels. She keeps it to herself no matter what... and it makes me nuts...

- I've tried acting like I don't care.

- I've tried not worrying about it

- I've tried journals.

- I've tried making things even by not telling her how I feel.

- I've tried using logic.

- I've tired just plain getting off the phone when I'm feeling like she's going to doit again.

- I've tried just playing telling her, "LOOK YOU HAVE TO TALK!"

- I've tried telling her that she needs to use her voice in the relationship.

- I've tried playing "opening up" games.

- I've tried explaining to her that I can't always guess how she feels or tell her how she feels or psyco-analyze her to figure her out.

- Sorry won't help, she'll just tell me that I shouldn't say it.

- I've tried showing her just plain love.

I feel like I have complete control over this relationship. It's like whatever I say she'll doit (as long as it's not telling me how she feels.). I can't stand it! I don't mind being decisive, but holy crap... I want her to at least stick up for herself. Her thoughts and feels... at least once in a while. She accually asked me if she could goto bed... omg, it made me so frustrated... I wish she would just talk about her wants and needs.

[xlitoxb]

Hhmm.. Like the others said, I'm not full on details, but I might have an idea why she doesn't wanna tell you things? For me, I always feared the worst to happen and so I'd never try to talk to my ex about it. It usually bites me in the butt, but I didn't want him to worry or like over-react . Maybe she's just afraid to tell you because it might make you mad enough to break up with her? I mean, I know you said that you don't want to, but what if she thinks that what she has to say might?

At this point, I understand why it's so scary. Things are so rocky it seems and like, everyone's on pins and needles. Have you tried talking to one of her friends maybe? To see how she feels?

But I guess the only thing you can do, is wait to see what she has to say since you're going to hold true to your word.

[*Uronacid*]

Hhmm.. Like the others said, I'm not full on details, but I might have an idea why she doesn't wanna tell you things? For me, I always feared the worst to happen and so I'd never try to talk to my ex about it. It usually bites me in the butt, but I didn't want him to worry or like over-react . Maybe she's just afraid to tell you because it might make you mad enough to break up with her? I mean, I know you said that you don't want to, but what if she thinks that what she has to say might?

At this point, I understand why it's so scary. Things are so rocky it seems and like, everyone's on pins and needles. Have you tried talking to one of her friends maybe? To see how she feels?

But I guess the only thing you can do, is wait to see what she has to say since you're going to hold true to your word.

She doesn't have many friends... and I don't know any of them. She doesn't tell her friends anything anyways, or at least not the ones that I know.

Yeah, you're right... things are on pins and needles right now... I guess I don't know, how to change them... things have been so sour lately... I want things to change, but I can't do it on my own.

THey were going good for the past month... I guess, I just don't know whats going on.

[***Lucy**]

Oh, Josh.. I'm really sorry you guys ain't talking right now..

Look, I understand Holly. She reminds me of myself cause most of the times I never talk to anyone about my feelings. not even to my brother. I don't have many friends. I feel safe when i don't talk about my felings and I post my probs here in cb cause i do prefer writin about how I feel rather than talking

Josh you ain't gonna change her. I mean I understand that you are apparently the talkative one or better the one that talks about his feelings. But u should try to accept that Holly is different from you. She's not like you.

It's not that she doesn't wanna tell you about her feelings. It's just that she finds it very difficult. I'm used to keep most of my feelings inside me. Whenever I decide to open up I find it extremely difficult. This is probably what also happens to Holly. She really does wanna talk to you about her feelings and this thing she was trying to ask you. But she can't. Not because she doesn't care about you or she doesn't find it important. But she's not used to talk about how she feels.

You know, it's extremely difficult for a "quiet" person to start talking about how she/he feels. You can't understand it because you are used to open about the way u feel. But honestly if u aren't used to doing this, you can't start out of the blue sharing your problems with the others.

Have you guys ever seen her post anything in the relationships thread? I know I havn't. She doesn't tell anyone how she feels. She keeps it to herself no matter what... and it makes me nuts...

- I've tried acting like I don't care.

- I've tried not worrying about it

- I've tried journals.

- I've tried making things even by not telling her how I feel.

- I've tried using logic.

- I've tired just plain getting off the phone when I'm feeling like she's going to doit again.

- I've tried just playing telling her, "LOOK YOU HAVE TO TALK!"

- I've tried telling her that she needs to use her voice in the relationship.

- I've tried playing "opening up" games.

^Nope! none of these will help her cause she knows you are pressing her to talk and you ain't being patient. Screaming to her"TALK!", Doesn't help

You have to show her how much you love her.

And now I know you must be thinking: But are you crazy Lucy????I tell her I love her 123465756377876 times a day"

Yes, but when she's trying to open up, even using hypothetical situations, just be patient. Don't be like: Leave hypothetical situations and tell me what you really wanna tell me.
It makes her afraid.

Whenever my brother says exactly the same things to me u told her, it makes me feel unsafe. I even think that if i open up he'll overeact and I will lose him. So just try to place yourself in her place for 1 minute. I know u really can't do this as you always talk about the way you feel but try.

Be calm, be protective, don't try to make her talkative and don't try get her used to talk about her feelings. Just whenever she feels like she wants to tell u sth, give her time. Let her ask u in a hypothetical way (it really helps me when i do this). Make her feel safe when she wants to talk to you about sth. Don't get frustrated, remain calm Josh.

When she says "I can't " she really can't. She ain't kidding she's ain't doing this to piss u off. SHE DOES FIND IT DIFFICULT. Be patient. If you show her with your actions( remain patient and calm, not being frustrated, not press her) that she really can feel safe when she has to talk to you about her feelings she will gradually start to talk to you more.

err.. That thing you told her that u won't call her again if she doesn't call you and tell u the thing she wanted to...

We end up getting into a fight similar to the other one... it lasts abotu an hour.... and I end up telling her, "look... don't call me until you're willing to talk to me about both of those things... I'm so sick of you bringing things up and droping them. It's so annoying. If your going to bring something up, then talk about. I'm serious, it really bothers me, I'm not caling you either. If it takes a week, I don't care, if it takes 2 weeks I don't care. I'm sick of this. You do it way to much. I feel like I hit a brick wall when I'm in a conversation."

Josh, you shouldn't have told her that! You proved her right. She was afraid to talk to you about sth and the thing you did was to tell her alright if you don't tell me i won't call u again..

You talked to her like she was doing that on purpose. She wasn't. We, people that can't talk easily about our feelings feel even more badly when the others accuse us of doing this on purose. Imean it hurts..

Now, she thinks that she was right she didn't want to tell you. You only know that she wanted to tell you sth and you because she really couldn't you were pissed off. I MEAN THAT PROBABLY MADE HER ThINK: god, why i ever decided to open up? Now Josh isn't talking to me.

So she probably thinks that she'd better had never mentioned to u what she was thinking..

Give her time, accept that she's not like u when it comes to talk about the way she feels, make her feel safe and just give her time.

I hope I helped u a tiny bit -if not then sorry for posting such a huge reply..

I know many of you are going to tell me I'm an a-hole...

-No way, Josh!

(Ps: if sth like thishappens again and u are sad u could Pm me, i mean i know why she doesn't open up, i can feel her, so if u need help feel free to ask me)

[*Uronacid*]

Oh, Josh.. I'm really sorry you guys ain't talking right now..

Look, I understand Holly. She reminds me of myself cause most of the times I never talk to anyone about my feelings. not even to my brother. I don't have many friends. I feel safe when i don't talk about my felings and I post my probs here in cb cause i do prefer writin about how I feel rather than talking

Josh you ain't gonna change her. I mean I understand that you are apparently the talkative one or better the one that talks about his feelings. But u should try to accept that Holly is different from you. She's not like you.

It's not that she doesn't wanna tell you about her feelings. It's just that she finds it very difficult. I'm used to keep most of my feelings inside me. Whenever I decide to open up I find it extremely difficult. This is probably what also happens to Holly. She really does wanna talk to you about her feelings and this thing she was trying to ask you. But she can't. Not because she doesn't care about you or she doesn't find it important. But she's not used to talk about how she feels.

You know, it's extremely difficult for a "quiet" person to start talking about how she/he feels. You can't understand it because you are used to open about the way u feel. But honestly if u aren't used to doing this, you can't start out of the blue sharing your problems with the others.
^Nope! none of these will help her cause she knows you are pressing her to talk and you ain't being patient. Screaming to her"TALK!", Doesn't help

You have to show her how much you love her.

And now I know you must be thinking: But are you crazy Lucy????I tell her I love her 123465756377876 times a day"

Yes, but when she's trying to open up, even using hypothetical situations, just be patient. Don't be like: Leave hypothetical situations and tell me what you really wanna tell me.
It makes her afraid.

Whenever my brother says exactly the same things to me u told her, it makes me feel unsafe. I even think that if i open up he'll overeact and I will lose him. So just try to place yourself in her place for 1 minute. I know u really can't do this as you always talk about the way you feel but try.

Be calm, be protective, don't try to make her talkative and don't try get her used to talk about her feelings. Just whenever she feels like she wants to tell u sth, give her time. Let her ask u in a hypothetical way (it really helps me when i do this). Make her feel safe when she wants to talk to you about sth. Don't get frustrated, remain calm Josh.

When she says "I can't " she really can't. She ain't kidding she's ain't doing this to piss u off. SHE DOES FIND IT DIFFICULT. Be patient. If you show her with your actions( remain patient and calm, not being frustrated, not press her) that she really can feel safe when she has to talk to you about her feelings she will gradually start to talk to you more.

err.. That thing you told her that u won't call her again if she doesn't call you and tell u the thing she wanted to...
Josh, you shouldn't have told her that! You proved her right. She was afraid to talk to you about sth and the thing you did was to tell her alright if you don't tell me i won't call u again..

You talked to her like she was doing that on purpose. She wasn't. We, people that can't talk easily about our feelings feel even more badly when the others accuse us of doing this on purose. Imean it hurts..

Now, she thinks that she was right she didn't want to tell you. You only know that she wanted to tell you sth and you because she really couldn't you were pissed off. I MEAN THAT PROBABLY MADE HER ThINK: god, why i ever decided to open up? Now Josh isn't talking to me.

So she probably thinks that she'd better had never mentioned to u what she was thinking..

Give her time, accept that she's not like u when it comes to talk about the way she feels, make her feel safe and just give her time.

I hope I helped u a tiny bit -if not then sorry for posting such a huge reply..
-No way, Josh!

(Ps: if sth like thishappens again and u are sad u could Pm me, i mean i know why she doesn't open up, i can feel her, so if u need help feel free to ask me)

Thank God you're on this forum Lucy... I swear... You are right about alot of things... I'm sick of all this feel good advice. Finnally, the truth. I need to hear this.

-I do feel like she does it on purpose.
-I feel like she's just being a jerk on purpose.
-I get mad, because I don't understand. At the same time, she won't help me undertand.
-She is a quiet person.
-I'm probably not doing the best thing.
-I don't understand her.
-I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do in those situations... should I just drop the subject?

-She may feel like I don't care because I'm bugging her about it...
-She may think that I'm breaking up with her or something, because I'm not being myself.

Everytime I drop the subject, it's like... I don't know what to say after-ward. I freeze up, and it's silent. I feel like all conversation just droped, and I can't think about anything else. I hate sitting on the phone in silence, I don't know if she thinks it's stupid or if she thinks I'm supporting her. I don't have any idea what's going on. Especially when I tell her I love her after she doesn't say anything, and she's completely silent...

I don't know if it's good for her to let it out, or keep it in. Maybe I'm the one who needs the break, so I can see what I'm doing wrong and correct my mistakes. I just don't know what to do... how do I support her in those situations?

What the hell should I do now?! I'm so friggin confused, I feel like I should stick to my word just because it's what I said. I already said it, and I need to follow through with it. I don't want to, I don't think that she understands that this is just as hard for me as it is for her. If I call her, what the heck do I say. I just want things to be better.

Two weeks ago, I stopped worry about how she felt , and I stopped trying to get her to open up. All the sudden, she's talking to me, and she was afriad our relationship was falling apart. I guess I didn't see anything wrong with the relationship at the time, but I knew what I was doing (I had stopped worrying about it) and I started doing it again... then all this stuff happened... Should I have just stuck to it?

[lyin_in_wait]

give her time, when shes ready to open up she will. but until then theres nothing you can do but wait. yea you have a right to be frustrated but that doesnt make it ok to attack her when she doesnt comply....

[***Lucy**]

Oh, Josh...
I can feel you, I know you are confused..It's difficult when aperson who's talkative and all has to understand sb who's the exact oppsite..

But you have to try.. Because you love her.

-I do feel like she does it on purpose.
-I feel like she's just being a jerk on purpose.
-I get mad, because I don't understand. At the same time, she won't help me undertand.
-She is a quiet person.
-I'm probably not doing the best thing.
-I don't understand her.
-I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do in those situations... should I just drop the subject?

-She may feel like I don't care because I'm bugging her about it...
-She may think that I'm breaking up with her or something, because I'm not being myself.

-she doesn't do it on purpose she tries hard and probably she feels guilty when she knows u wanna know how she feels but she can't tell you
-You want Holly to make you understand her. But it isn't easy for her to express her feelings and trying to make you understand her is for her probably the same difficult.

I'll tell u sth:

When she tries to open up even slowly, even using hypothetical situations you should help her. You really can help her. Be calm, patient and pay attention to what she's telling you. Don't get mad, don't tell her to leave hypothetical situations. Be patient and make her feel safe. Don't press her. If she stops talking then don't ask her again. She's not stupid she understands u still wanna know. So u should understand that when she will be able she will tell you.

What most quite people are afraid of(me too) is that if they don't talk then the others will get mad and leave them. But then it becomes even worse when this really happens. I mean it's awful. I've felt it many times. You wanna speak but you can't and you know you're losing sb u love. BUT YOU REALLY CAN'T HELP KEEPING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR FEELINGS INSIDE. And then you even prefer being left alone instead of talking.

Josh sweetie look, when you scream to her "talk" and such things Holly doesn't talk because she probably feels unsafe, YOU MADE HER SAD and she knows that actually you are kinda right as she doesn't help you much. And then you're like "i love u". She doesn't reply because she's sad and also because two minutes before you were yelling at her to speak and open up. But if you wanna show how much you really love her(i'm sure u love her a lot) u need to be calm. Quiet people hate fights. You may think that fighting will help YOU but it isn't helping much her. I guess she probably hates it when sb yells at her. That's exactly how I feel. When sb yells at me, I feel a lot of psychological presure.

She probably thought that sth was going wrong because u stop asking her about her feelings, out of the blue, w/out explaining her that u were trying to help.


You shouldn't have told her that if she doesn't talk to u about that thing she wanted to, you ain't gonna call her again!!!!!!!!!!! That was A HUGE MISTAKE (imo always)

It was like I was telling Aaron that if he doesn't stop painting the couches, he won't eat candies again. I mean, it was a bit immature what u did. But i do understand u.

I understand why u want to follow your word. BUT DON'T DO THAT JOSH! iT'LL BE THE WORST THING YOU COULD EVER DO TO HOLLY.Since you told her that thing I'm sure she's been crying, she's sad, she's psycholgically stressed and she is under so much pressure. So stop torturing her. Call her and apologise(it's never too late) tell her that u worry when she doesn't open up but u'll try to support her and u won't get frustrated again. Tell her that u never stop caring about her but you'll try not to be so annoying when she wanna tell you sth. AND FOR GOD'S SHAKE DON'T ASK HER AGAIN WHAT SHE WANTED TO TELL YOU!

I don't know if it's good for her to let it out, or keep it in. Maybe I'm the one who needs the break, so I can see what I'm doing wrong and correct my mistakes.

If you tell her that u need a break, I'll smack you!!!!!!!!

[pinacoolada]

Josh you ain't gonna change her. I mean I understand that you are apparently the talkative one or better the one that talks about his feelings. But u should try to accept that Holly is different from you. She's not like you.

That's true.
Some people are less open than others. Maybe she has really nothing to say. Maybe she'll "stick up for herself" when you do something she thinks is wrong. Maybe you haven't done anything to offend her.

[*Infinite.*]

Me and Josh are on a break until Thursday, so yea I suppose Lucy may want to know. Now she can go smack Josh although I guess it was mostly me. -shrugs-

[***Lucy**]

Me and Josh are on a break until Thursday, so yea I suppose Lucy may want to know. Now she can go smack Josh although I guess it was mostly me. -shrugs-

Oh, I guess you didn't read anything from what I posted about your prob Josh...

Then sorry for posting such huge replies.

[*Uronacid*]

-I can't reply in here until Thursday-

Any opinions or suggestions, feel free to post. I will read them.

[mytangerine]

gawsh. i hope all guys don't analyze things to the max like you do. you should just let her tell you when she's ready, don't annoy the crap out of her first because she might decide that yes, she does want a break & BREAK=1st word of BREAK UP...so that's what it might lead to?

[*Uronacid*]

gawsh. i hope all guys don't analyze things to the max like you do. you should just let her tell you when she's ready, don't annoy the crap out of her first because she might decide that yes, she does want a break & BREAK=1st word of BREAK UP...so that's what it might lead to?

I replyed via PM

[orgasm]

Hm. Drama.

[*Infinite.*]

^ what is?

[*Uronacid*]

Hm. Drama.

Yeah, seriously... if you don't want to give advice just leave the topic.

[orgasm]

Drama as in you seem to be overanalyzing things and overreacting.

You're saying she doesn't open up to anybody, including you, yeah? Well, that's what I got from it anyways, because the post was really confusing considering I don't really know the background of your relationship together. It would've been less confusing if you posted something simpler and more direct than going into all of your conversations, but that's your business.

Since I don't really know you or her, here's my advice based on the info given:

Stop pressuring her. People tend to close up when they're feeling the type of pressure that you seem to be putting on her. If you just let up and cool down, she'll eventually say what she needs to say and feel fine about it.

That's all.

And... uh...

When I said "Drama," I meant drama within the forum because apparently both of you are on CB, which means that all this "drama" affects the people in CB who "know" both of you. It becomes more personal.

[*Infinite.*]

^

When I said "Drama," I meant drama within the forum because apparently both of you are on CB, which means that all this "drama" affects the people in CB who "know" both of you. It becomes more personal.

To be honest, this isn't really true. It doesn't really make it more personal just means I know what he thinks of it all, although I already knew all about it. If he would like to recieve advice from the forum, hes welcomed to it. I don't really think it affects others either, -shrugs- if it does it shouldn't.

[*Uronacid*]

The only think I ask is that you tell me how you all think that I could make the situation better.

You didn't read my first post aparrently. I don't see our drama effecting any of the other topics. Therefore it's not effecting anyone else. If you don't want to give advice than stay out fo the topic.

[*Infinite.*]

Well our break ended. Then we broke up last night, and then he said we weren't broken up. So -shrugs- I don't really know.

[AngelinaTaylor]

Drama as in you seem to be overanalyzing things and overreacting.

Exactly. What happened to the simple way of life..