Am I bi/lez?, Please help... Options

[broken inside]

Okay...so, I've tried to go on tons fo websites and I know there is no way to find out magically and that it takes time- but I just want to hear opinions. I am sure there are tons fo topics like this already- sorry, but I need to get this off my chest where a firend won't see it .

From the begning- so. When I was little, in Elementary school, I didn't like guys. At all. I would always wonder why I couldn't. I always said that I liked whoever my firends did, and if some other girl said that guy was ugly- I'd change my mind. I did think lots of girls would pretty. I would think "If I were a guy, I'd like her". I didn't know about homosexuality. I didn't know about it untill middle school, and I learned about it negitivly. My friends made fun of it.

In ninth grade my friend came out of the closet- she is bi. And I found out more poeple were. I also had my first crush on a guy. He was a but dumb, but really cute. A friend of mine asked him to go with me to the dance as friends. He said he'd think about it. I was so freaked out. I didn't want to go with him, I wanted him to say no. I was glad when he said "It's too expensive"...

This summer I've wondered about it alot. I told one friend I'm wondering, she said she is too. But she had actually had boyfirends. And with girls she only kisses them. I don't think she gets my problem...

The thing is...I'm in total denail. I'm not strong enough to deal with something like this, I know that, whenever I think "Hah, I'm straight, i'm kidding myself" I feel better, but I think that it isn't true...

I've seen some porn and honestly, I think penises are gross. Disgusting. But I liked the rest, lol. Muscles = yay.

With the lez porn I felt all nervous when I saw it...o.0;;

Here's the dorky otaku part. I'm on of those fangirls (Edward Elric <3) and I think he's hot, but he is anime...they are all...perfect. And so I dunno... I'm confuzed....


Help? Thanks...

~ Sapphire

EDIT//

Forgot to mention- I thought I liked my best firend at one point in 9th grade, and more reccently another good friend. Girls, but I am not sure if I am just getting closer to them as friends.

Also- the thing is, if I am bi or whatever, I don't know if I could deal with that. Also, I dunno, I already am a girl, being with a girl might be a bit borring, like...guys are diffrent, and I usually like my opposite lol....