Does a "break" really help to improve a relationship? Options

[dorkk-ie]

if you were not to talk/see or have any contact with your gf/bf for a week or so, do you think it would help you appreciate each other more? since you're not used to having that one person who's always been there...u realize that it's more important than you think? .. i dunno if i still make sense but ..

my boyfriend is considering we try that approach because lately, we've been in a lot of arguements about silly things, and if this continues, it will just come to a dead end, so he decided to do that "break" i stated above.

do you think that could improve a relationship?

* and for many couples , arguements are inevitable if you plan on a long-term relationship, but do you guys know of any ways we could prevent some unneccesary ones, or lessen the number of arguements.....

and we've talked about this break and our problems already. so the talking approach is done, i'm just waiting to see if this "break" idea actually works.

any suggestions for the arguement part of it? :)

[Gypsy Eyes]

It depends, sometimes it does. But sometimes it doesn't.

[cassjamminx]

breaks work to some extent.

from my experience (though i've only been in really serious relationship with one break)
.. it lasted a week though we still talked, just not as much. my boyfriend and i usually talk every single day 24-7, and that's why that helped us. we realized how much we missed each other.

or.. the bad end is that you may realize that you don't need to talk/see this person as much as you and you're fine without the person just not as often.

if your goal is a long term relationship, it's true, sometimes pointless arguments over something really silly is sometimes inevitable. i've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we still fight about stupid things, just yesterday i got mad at him because he didn't take me to great america with him when he knew i wanted to go (blah blah blah). though the thing about pointless fights is that (though this may seem impossible, hence why you're fighting) you should try to think about, if we keep fighting, where do i want this to go? what do i expect him to do if i get my way in this fight? is this worth fighting about? those things.

talk things about with your boyfriend regarding the fights. and how you two personally can solve it before it starts. i'm saying this becuase my strageties for fights either may or may not work for you.

when something like that happens my boyfriend will just stop and say "Cassie is this really worth fighting over? think about it." and i do, and i realize it's not. and that's it. we apologize.

i hope that helps. stupid fights are lame, it takes a mistake to realize them. and once you made one, try not to go backwards. keep everything going foward.

about the breaks, it may work. it depends more on the situation. if you want to go on a break because of all your fights, i don't know if that's really going to do anything, it'll stop the fighting for the time being obviously, but i dont know if it'd prevent the silly fights later.

hope this helps, sorry it's so long. i just know where you're coming from.

[*xcaitlinx*]

ahh i know exactly what you're going through so i can relate. last month, me and my boyfriend went on a break (it was actually only for 5ish days..) because we kept breaking up for stupid crap and fighting constantly. they fights were over silly things and did not have to turn out the way they did. the break actually DID help, because we both realized how miserable and lonely we were without eachother. as soon as the break was over, we become even closer than we were BEFORE the break/fighting. after the break, we basically stopped fighting. yeah, the occasional disagreements still occur, but we make sure that they don't develop into full-out arguing.

we had trouble figuring out ways to prevent unneccessary fights. of course, at first we were like "let's just stop fighting. it's that simple." but really, it isn't. one of the reasons why we fought so much was because we were constantly seeing eachother. and when we weren't with eachother, we were talking on the phone. we stopped talking on the phone less and now that it's summer, i see him every other day. it works out a lot better because we have time to be with our friends and actually MISS each other.

basically what im trying to say is that you and your b/f should go on a break, like me and my b/f did. even if it's for 5-7 days, it will most likely make a difference and bring you closer. you both have to be determined and willing to argue less if you want your relationship to work and last a long time. whenever you feel a fight coming on, just say "i really don't want to fight over this...it's stupid." [that's what i tend to do now] before it gets worse. spend some time with your friends and let him do his own thing for a little while. in the end, if you both are truly meant to be together, you will come back from the break caring for each other even more. good luck!

[PrincessAda]

Hm..it depends how strong the love is..Sometimes breaks work..sometimes they just make it worst.

[redpeony]

Hmm, seems like it happens a lot at around the same stage in a lot of relationships, huh? Back in February, me and my boyfriend had been dating for about 6 months and were having these similar arguments: intense, full-fledged that arguments that really resolved nothing but made clear all of the problems that we were experiencing.

I think your break will help you clear your head and give you a clearer perspective of your relationship.

After the break ends, I don't think you just realize that you are missing someone and that you can't be without them and all things are good. I mean, I'm not an expert in relationships or even anything close, but basing a relationship on emotions and passion doesn't seem like the right thing to do. Your problems are still very much there after the break, but you will likely have a greater flexibility in the things that you say and are willing to hear from your boyfriend so that you are able to resolve the problems.

I think the reason for this is because you miss the person so much that you are willing to bend a bit to reassure their presence in your life: you are giving up your pride.

And in the future when you argue, understand that pride simply cannot be an issue if you want a lasting relationship. Sometimes you will think you are right but you have to suck it up and say "okay, you're right, I'm wrong. I'm sorry". If It's over something tiny like being late, talk about it but know when to draw the line and just accept them as who they are.

It's not that you are being a doormat and just giving in to whatever your partner says, but from their perspective, they're right too. And as soon as you loosen up I'm sure he will see what you're doing and start to see it your way and do the same. Because your relationship isn't about who's more justified or who wins the argument, but working things out together and settling on a happy medium, right?

[*My Cinderella.*]

It's kind of a 50 50 thing. It can either: 1) Help you realize how much you guys miss each other the time you were apart or 2) Help you realize that you two are actually better off the way it is.

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

Hm..it depends how strong the love is..Sometimes breaks work..sometimes they just make it worst.

yea i agree.

[pinayprincess]

no no no no no! it only gives the significant other [or yourself] the advantage to mess w/ other people... if you SAY that you or bf/gf wouldnt do that then u guys wouldnt have had a break in the first place!!

put it like this; its just a 'nicer' way of saying "i want to break up"

[addiction x3]

I think it works sometimes and then again, sometimes it doesnt.

Some people use breaks to go and hook up with other people too.

but maybe since you were arguing and stuff, he thought it would help.

i also think it depends on how strong your relationship is..

[cassjamminx]

put it like this; its just a 'nicer' way of saying "i want to break up"

yeah, that can be true sometimes. you know you should ask him what do you intend to do over this break? think about things? or like meet/talk to other people?

but if he's the kind of person who doesn't like to think about problems on his own, you know he might want to meet someone else and talk to someone to get you off his mind, just so he can have an easier time coping with things.

but straight up ask him what he intends to do over the break, because i know people who went on a break, got back and broke up. that was reallllly dumb. so make sure you ask his intent.

[me1issaaaa]

Yeah, I tried that with my ex... didn't work. Over the break, we still acted like a couple and still said we loved each other and whatnot, but over time I realized I wanted something else. Didn't work in my case.

[JACKIEcuh]

it really doesnt help! i should knoe cus thats what happened with me and my ex who lasted for about 7months. its would work if you and your boyfriend trust each other completely! but if you guys don't then i dont know!

[*danielle_x3*]

it depends on the relationship. maybe the distance apart from each other would make you miss each other more. or maybe you'll feel free and date around during the break. that's how my last relationship ended

[LiSFORLiNDA]

to me..i guess if you werent good enough for him/her the first time ya'll dated what makes you good enought now/then when ever ya'll date again..

[*This Confession*]

Breaks,
Its how you both come to them I would think. If both of you are still positive about the relationship and you believe that this break will bring you both together, then yes I think it will help bring both people closer.

Although if its one sided. Like one person wants it only to make you both drift apart and the other person doesn't want it at all. I think its going to hurt one person to much to the point that they just get paranoid and feel like they just want to break up and its going to cause more problems.


Also, what are these arguments getting started out with. Every relationship your going to have to deal with the hard times, and you both have to be completely understanding and want to work it out. And just come to the problem calmly. Problems and/or fights, do sometimes bring relationships closer actually. Most fights start off with different opinions clashing and such. So learning their opinion and such is learning more about the person.

[iminlovewithTomD...]

I've heard that the longer you go without seeing the person you love, the sweeter it is when you get to see them again... so I guess it makes your love stronger.

[alpha623]

I guess it just depends. Well for me it just means we are over I guess. But I guess it could bring two people closer.

[cassjamminx]

I've heard that the longer you go without seeing the person you love, the sweeter it is when you get to see them again... so I guess it makes your love stronger.

that's true to some extent yeah!!

the anticpation just makes your heart beat faster.

[nycaf12]

what if.. the break was a month. we had a fight over parents and trust before she left to us.. she said that things will be alright when she gets back cuz we have school. we've been going out for more than 3 months which shed still be in us when its our 4th

i miss her.. i never told her that cuz i dont want her to feel like im clingy and all that. shes having all her fun in us and it seems like she doesnt really need me . im sure you guys know how i feel.. i mean i just dont want to lose her.. but i dont know whats gna happen when she comes back.. suggestions anyone..?

[alienshards]

A break in a relationship has no power to create what is not there, and therefore does not meet the qualifications for "improvement". What a break does is tear down facades. It will destory false relationships, but the true ones, those will last. It cannot strengthen a relationship. It merely strips away that which is meaningless.

[nycaf12]

yeah i agree with you..guess ill just have to wait til she comes back and see how things go.. thanks

[oxbeautifultruth...]

Most of the time it does. At least it has with marriages I know. Since this is a bf/gf thing who knows. It could go both ways. Depends how serious you are with each other it could make you appreciate each other more. My parents recently did this for a month and I think their relationship has improved some.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

It helped me .. :-)

[Looow]

I hope so.



...If it IS a break ..