My last... Options

[DisOriental85]

Have any one of you experienced something that I would call a "forced breakup"? I did and I just want to see how it went with others if they did. Long story...

My senior year in highschool, met this girl (junior, Marie) whom I liked. I was ok friends with her brother, and I started to hang out with her alot. During school that is... I began to hang out with her and her friends more. We always joked around saying "I love you ____" and the reply, "yeah yeah". Word got around school that I liked her... (Small school with a student population of about 400 in all) I started to fall for her badly, thinking about her, wanting to be with her so that I decided to ask her out... She rejected me twice, with reasons that she was having relationship problems with her ex, and that she was too busy, seeing as how she has a horse to take care of... I backed off, for a while, but hanging out with her more just made me want to be with her more... Monday, we come back to school and I come to find out she is dating one of the guys in our group. Me, I get hurt so I decide to leave the group for a while. Whenever I saw them in the halls holding hands and such, it made me hurt a lot. I know, jealousy and whatnot, but after about a month and a half, I felt ok to come back to the group. During the time away from the group, I hooked up with someone else, and she and I got along fine. When I got back in the group, they were still together, but I guess with me gone, she felt bad so she tried to limit PDA. A month and a half into me getting back with the group, stuff fell apart. The group was having problems, and school didn't help too much. Marie was having relationship problems and me, being the listener I am, went to her aide. Afterschool, I would find her in the gym, hitting Wilson (her volleyball) I guess to vent. On I went and played volleyball with her and we talked afterwards. We started to talk to each other more, on the phone, writing notes and just spending time to talk about each other's problems, cuz I had mine to deal with too. Marie and her boyfriend broke up, and rumor went around school that I would break up with my gf to be with her. Part of me really wanted to but I stayed with my gf. When I found out that they had broken up, I felt my hopes rise because I told everyone that I was over her, but instead, all I did was suppress the feelings I felt earlier on in the year. When things got really hard, whether it was at home, or school, Marie was the person I could go and talk to. While in school, speculations of me already hooking up with Marie were gossiped all the time. One night, she and I were talking on the phone, and I told her cryptically that I was done. I told her that I would call her back and I went and called my gf who I broke up with. My gf had heard the rumors and already was thinking that I was cheating on her, and she wouldn't hear any of my explanations. I was hurt, so I called Marie back, told her what happened, and I cried on the phone to her. Only time I cried to a girl. It became late, and the next morning, she had to get up early for church but she stayed on the phone with me. She cried with me because she didn't want me to go through the pain. I told her that I was thankful that she was there to talk to and if she wasn't I would've gone nuts. She felt the same, cuz she came to me when she had problems at home also. Thats when I said to her, "I love you, Marie" and she replied back, "I love you too." I felt much better that night, so I went to sleep knowing that someone cared for me.
A couple of weeks later, we got together, at first being secretive about it, but later on, we let it known to others. Some were against it, some were for it, but I didn’t care, I was with someone that I loved. I never actually asked her to be my gf, so we decided to use her birthday as the date we got together… For her b-day, we went to her house, chilled, ate pizza, and watched final destination 2. Marie and I couldn’t do anything, for constant watch, but we talked on the phone non-stop and wrote to one another. To make a long story short, we technically dated for approximately 3 months, after an “incident” we were forbidden to see, talk, be with one another from her parents. We tried to make it work, texting one another through email, but sooner or later, no contact led to our downfall. She broke up with me and I was devastated. Yes, it was technically only 3 months, but the bond we had was so strong, I felt as if we were together longer. Since then, I tried to get into contact with her, just being around as a friend, but she denied my friendship. I made a promise that I would always be there, even as a friend and I did my part. So I started to ignore her. Later on, after she graduates, we see one another at college and now we are on good terms I guess. We talk, and sometimes, we talk to one another on the phone and just last Saturday, we hung out and talked for about 30 minutes with one of the group member. My thing is, because our relationship never really had that “closure” I wasn’t able to move on. To really have that closure, in my mind, we should hang out and just be friends. Maybe I am wrong? Any one undergo the same ordeal? Now my other thing is that I think I’m starting to fall for her again… Or maybe the same feelings are being let loose from the suppressing cold chains I use to hold. Any suggestions or advice? Sorry for it being long. Thanks