I Could Use Some Help... Options

[need_help]

I ran into this place through Google, thought I'd give it a try since I don't have anywhere else to bitch at.

I've been having some problems lately and I could use some help or someone to talk to, so if you don't like reading long posts about other people's life and problems, just hit 'back' now.

Some backround info: I'm a 20 y/o male, I live in Israel, currently in army service. When I'm not in the army (about every weekend), I live with my parents and my little brother (who's 18). My other 2 older brothers have already left home. I look quite good and I have a girlfriend whom I'm in love with and a selected bunch of good friends - some are from my high school days and some I met during my service.

Everything seems okay, but I have problems with almost every bit of my life. My biggest problem now is my relationship with my girlfriend. She's 19 and in the army too. We were both War Room Operation Sergeants. To sum it up, we sat in a war room and handled all kinds of routine and combat military operations. And that's how we got to know each other. She's an amazing person - she's smart, beautiful kind and understanding. I really admire her. We've been together for about 2 months now and it seemed like things were going smooth and well, until last week when she was offered a chance to become an officer and she took it. Now she's in a course somewhere far away from here, and this will be the situation for the next 6 months. Of course I was happy for her even though I knew This will make things hard for us since we won't be seeing each other and also she can barely speak on the phone beacuse she's so busy all the time. Yesterday we both came back home for the weekend and of course we planned seeing each other on Friday night. Now here's what got me so frustrated - we talked at noon and she said she might be going out with friends who asked her to come over. I then said: OK, talk to me later when you're sure about your plans for tonight and if you're available I'll come over and we'll go out or something. She never called back. I then called her at midnight and asked her where she was and she said she went out with her friends. I then said: Nice, thanks for letting me know. She then replied she's not in the mood for playing games and if I wanted to know what's going on earlier I should've called and asked. In reply to my next question: Why didn't you call me? We agreed you'd call me and tell me what are your plans for tonight when you know for sure, she simply said: I forgot. I started arguing with her but calmed myself immediately and started reasoning with her about what happened. We talked and talked and apparently what was bothering her was the fact that we won't be seeing each other for a long time now so there's no point in contributing to a relationship to which she can't give 100% of herself. In short, I said I can settle for less than 100%. I said I'm not worried about what's coming next because I like what we have now, sort of like living the moment and I don't wanna lose her for things that haven't even happened yet. She was impatient throughout the entire conversation and when I asked her if she wants to get this over with she didn't say anything and when I said I'm waiting for an answer, she said she doesn't wanna say something she might regret about the next day. I told her she can have all the time and space she needs and call me back when she's made up her mind about what she wants with our relationship and I won't be making contact until she does. That was it. I'm afraid this is the end of us and I don't want that to happen. Every relationship I ever had with a girl (serious or not) ended soon after it has started and I'm so tired of it. I'm starting to think I'll never meet someone who'll really want me and struggle to keep a healthy and close relationship between us like I do.

I'm also unsatisfied with my army job (I've been in service for 2 years, by the way), but unfortunately I can't switch jobs. I feel like I'm wasting my time in the army when I can study or work in a real job, but I can't leave (in Israel, you have to contribute 3 years of your life doing army service making about 100$ a month, no joke). Despite this frustrating situation, I learned that I can enjoy it if everything else in my life is peaceful and calm. Unfortunately, that's not the case at the moment.

I have friends, but none of them are really good friends. I don't know a friend I could call in the middle of the night when I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere and he/she would come rescue me, and that makes me very sad. I mean, sure I can ask someone and he/she would probably come, but I don't know, I don't think they'd do it because they care for me or love me, but because they wouldn't wanna be complete assholes. The only guys who would do so out of love and care and I know that for sure are my family.

Which brings me to my next problem: I just can't talk with my family, parents or brothers. Everything I just wrote here, no one knows about it. When I need to talk to someone, I don't have anyone. I don't know, maybe it's just me that's so restrained, but I just can't talk to the closest people to me about what's bothering me.

I don't know what to do. When I start thinking about how I could fix one problem, the other one jumps to mind and when I think about that, another one pops in. It all closes down on me. I feel so tired and helpless all the time and I have no one to talk to.

I would appreciate any help or advice. Thank you.

[EddieV]

[*mona lisa*]

I'm sorry you have a lot of issues to deal with. Perhaps the Relationships forum would be a better idea.

[*This Confession*]

Okay,

first - the relationship problem.

I know your both in the army and shes going to be away for a 6 whole months? But seriously all I can think when I read that "is that it?!" Haven't you ever heard about long distance relationships. Of course its going to have its challenges because you guys have spent time together in real life and to jump in to a long distance relationship is going to be hard from not being able to see each other everyday. Sounds also like she comes back home every now and then, if the relationship is in good terms then why can't you hang out those days, you have to give her, her space though because she does have friends and if you don't spend some times with friends you will lose them. Long distance relationship are based on communication as well, so she has to put a effort in to calling you and helping you. Relationships are 50/ 50 if only one side is putting effort then its doomed. If you really want this relationship to work, and if she decides she doesn't want to end the relationship then maybe you should talk to her about long distance relationships go look more info up on the internet, Or i'll give you info. Since I'm in one.
Anyway I think you two are old enough to make your own choices and mature enough I would hope to be in a long distance relationship.


second - Your Job

Okay, if your so un-satisfied with your Job then why not keep but yet still look for a different job. Or talk about switching jobs into something else. I don't know how the army works, but I suppose they should atleast take what you think in to effect. If not and you don't want to keep this job then I advise you to use the internet and look for a new job. But if you want to keep this job and just make the surrondings around you better then Just forget it I think.

third - Friends

Maybe you don't have any serious friends is because you haven't spent enough time with that person. Friendship you can't just walk in to it, it takes work just like any other relationships with people.

forth - Family.

I don't talkto my family as well, So I suppose I know what you mean. Anyway for your case I think you just don't want to talk to them because you may be worried about thier opinion perhaps? Because if not then I don't see why you couldn't just talk to them, or maybe your not that close with your family. Which means maybe you should spend more time with them, accept them for them. Because your family isn't ever going to leave you and their always going to care and love you. Spend more time with them and appreciate them. Once you get to know them and get comfortable I don't see how you couldn't talk to someone about your problems. I think maybe your brother could help you the most, if you have a older one. And if you feel comfortable just call him or talk to him face to face and just tell him you need help. And tell him your suitation and see what he thinks. Perhaps hes already been through it. Also if you have good enough friends then I'm sure you could talk to them about your problems as well.




well I hoped that helped.