you know i wonder...., about family , culture differences etc etc. Options

[Mr. Slowjamz]

after taking a long shower i have been thinking alot , being the procrastinator i am , and being the over-analyzer and thinker and worry man i am . , i started getting a little dissapointed and saddened for no simple reason . my parents just took a weeks vacation to las vegas for some class reunion (they needed it with all the stress because of us ) , and im just here with my sister and my younger brother just lounging ourselves to the fullest i guess starting to set up a pool party , one must be saying that thats great and its awesome to have your parents away and you can do w/e you want ....but then i started to realize that they really needed it . i mean of course they needed to get away from us . but theres a bigger picture to that , they needed it to spent the time for only themselves . i feel as though it would be there last time together as a middle-aged couple spending the night , and then years will pass when they get older ,theyll retire , there days as an energetic driven couple will start to die down , there years of trying to help us and take care of us , will decrease , ...there exactly at that point in time . and they`ve worked so hard to get here , at this point working , immigrating here , changing lifestyles . it is crazy. i feel as though now that , its important to help them , its important to take care of them , and its time to be responsible as an adult . and honestly , im not getting any younger .


One must believe that when your totally independant you dont need them anymore . but when you start to realize it , they`ll be the closest to you , no matter what the outcome or situation , even on how much fights you`ve had , even on how much you disagree with them , even if you don`t get along with specific things helping to solve your problems even when you have your own family , they will always be there . thats how much dedication they put up with . and i respect that . and i already see it in my grandfather .


and i look at myself , "what the hell am i doing??! " why am i self indulging myself with such luxuries when my parents need it the most everyday . it makes feel ashamed when they`ve worked so hard ....and im enjoying myself being a young adult in my college years . but i guess thats important too , because its experience , right ? so now im stuck and conflicted with these 2 different cultures and lifestyles and how to live life . and im stuck . im just stuck . should i be expected of what my parents want or should i just live my life individually of how i want to live it ? , because that how most families live these days . age of indvidualism . or is it the family ?

now i feel as though i want to help them , no matter the outcome or situation it is , no matter HOW MUCH WE DISSAGREE and HOW MUCH WE FIGHT . I WANT to take care of them, and i WANT to share the oppurtunities i have and luxuries that i gained , with them , and I will keep sharing my riches and my life till the`ve spent there life pleasurably . i would do that for a mom who works double time and a father who had 2 heart-attacks and a bypass surgery . Starting NOW and i don`t care what type of what type of relationship we have , i want to help .

i also start look at other families , by the time there off to college they just leave there parents , who knows what type of relationships they have with them ...im talking about the typical average american placing there parents in a nursing home , and i`ve always had discussions with my mother and how its percieved to them to us . again , im STUCK & conflicted with these 2 different cultures , 2 different ways of life , and 2 different identitie s ( no wonder why its harder for the 1st generations of families who just came from a different country .) . and i CLEARLY see the distinction .

i`ve had discussion with my parents about this before , and we`ve always had disagreements, how they explain to me , its important to share the life with your family instead of wallowing it for yourself . but then i always lash back "well then how can i live my experience life so i can gain the knowledge and the understanding that i need? " but i do understand now , were BOTH right . That its important to live life so intentively and so intensively and to offer to what you gained to your older ones . i guess that the term of how " the circle of life " lol , no joke .


Now im just a bit curious , for all you guys out there, what do you think about this ? , what are your opinions based on this and how you would react ? When do you know that "Circle of Life" feeling is getting into you and that you should stop wasting time? or when you know your stuck between 2 different cultures ? because i know i feel it right now .


P.S. haha ...i`ve noticed that i`ve said too much, but i guess i`ve over-emphasized my feelings my feeling to you guys .