This was a dumb fight...but it's not my fault. Options

[BryMonster]

Okay, so as you guys know, or may not know.
About almost a month ago, I started dating this
girl named Amanda. It's been a really good
relationship. But we just got into a fight over
the dumbest thing. Okay, so my last Rugby
match is on Thursday and I've been wanting
her to come for a long time. She could never
make it because they were so early in the
morning. Thursday, will be the last game
an hour or so after school. So I figured, the
perfect time for her to come to it.

The the dilemma occurs. Her brother has a
baseball game. I was on the phone when she
told me this and I stated simply, "You've gone
to almost all of his games. Just forget this one
and come to mine." And she kind of stayed
quiet. Then she said "I've made up my decision.
I'm going to his. Gotta go. Bye." AND THEN HANGS
UP! WTF?!? How mature was that? I was so
furious. I didn't call her back, I texted her saying
"Way to be rude." & she texts me back with, "Way
to be a jackass." I wasn't trying to be a jackass
intentionally. I've just had a rough day. But still,
the situation could've been handled more maturely.

Now, I'm not going to give in easily. I'm just not like
that. So I'm going to wait until she apologizes. What's
your take on this guys?

[waccoon]

Are they close?

I don't think she's the one at fault, really.

How mature was that? I was so
furious. I didn't call her back, I texted her saying
"Way to be rude." & she texts me back with, "Way
to be a jackass."

Way to be rude? You say that to someone you don't like, not your girlfriend. You should have called her back and apologized, and talk to her calmly. Explain to her that it's really important to you that she sees the game, and if she could consider going to your game for once, it would mean a lot to you. Keep your cool, she's your girlfriend, and you like her.

First of all though, apologize for being a jackass. Be sincere. It doesn't matter if you were a jackass or not - fuming and getting angry at her is not going to do anything for your relationship.

[BryMonster]

I did apologize. She said "I'm sorry you
feel that way." And when I told her way to
be rude. We talk like that to each other.
But never that harsh. Like jokingly we
usually say to each other, "Way to ruin
my day loser." And stuff, but we never
mean it.

[waccoon]

It sounded like you really meant it, though, and she probably took it that way. What did you say to her? If she really doesn't care and doesn't even consider it even when you make it clear that it's really important to you, then that's something you two have to work out.

Just make sure she's not mad at you before you talk to her. I don't know why she would say that if she wasn't mad.

[BryMonster]

I dunno. I'm super worried. Because I don't know if she's
the kind of girl that breaks up with guys over dumb stuff. Or
tries and works them out.

[waccoon]

What did you say when you apologized? How did she take it, and how did you respond?

[BryMonster]

I said,
"Alright look. I realized that I was being sort of
rude when I was insisting on you coming to my
game. But you didn't have to hang up. We could've
handled it more maturely."

Her reply was,
"I'm sorry you feel that way. But as I said before
I have to go. Bye."

And that was the end of that. She hasn't called me.
I haven't called her.

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

AWWWWW!! ILL GO TO YOUR GAMEE!!! ( runs to the nearest taxi cab) lol well that really suxs that your girlfriend cant go.. i mean if she talks to her brother about it he might understand since she has gone to all of his games and not of your games. just let her calm down girls jus need some time. hope everything goes well with you two!

[PrincessAda]

Wow..just let her calm down..she pretty heated because of that.

[Your pain is not...]

(First off, I don't want to sound like I know everything in this post, these are all just ideas/suggestions)

I think she took it too seriously when you said "Just forget this one and come to mine." to her, it must've sounded selfish and you weren't giving her the choice. Plus, because it's text, she'd imagine you were saying "Way to be rude" because you were pissed or something.

I understand that you really want her to come see you play for once instead of the billions of times she's went to her brother's. She only hung up because she was torn and hurt when you said what you did on the phone.

I don't think it's anybody's fault. I know you must've not meant it the way she took it. Maybe you just subconsciously expressed some emotions she wasn't comfortable with, or she was just taking it too seriously.

She's doing the same. Waiting for you to call first to talk, so if neither of you call soon, she'll miss your game. Atleast you could say you're sorry for the misunderstanding? I think she's one of those person who needs to be given a lot of space according to this topic.

Here are some things that could be used:

• "...sorry if I let out some emotions and/or if you took it the wrong way, but I didn't mean it...."
• "...I'd really like you to come to the last match, I'll be really meehhh if you didn't go because you've went to all of your brother's game already..."
• "...it'll mean so much to me if you went...."
• IMPORTANT "...I really hope this (insignificant) problem doesn't affect our relationship..."

Hmmm. Hope I helped. Good luck, dear.

[*Uronacid*]

don't call her, let her call you... if she wants to get stupid after you say you're sorry let her get stupid about it. ugh, im not in a good mood right now either, me and holly need to talk.

[waccoon]

don't call her, let her call you... if she wants to get stupid after you say you're sorry let her get stupid about it. ugh, im not in a good mood right now either, me and holly need to talk.

Is that really the best way to deal with fights? ;/

I'm really sorry, and it was all my fault. Please try to understand, I was having a really bad day. I would love to just get past this because I really like you and I don't want to screw this up.

[*mipadi*]

I don't think he needs to grovel and be all apologetic. I'm not a huge fan of guys always being the ones that have to apologize in relationships.

Having said that, dude, I was pretty much on your side--right up until the part where you sent the text message. Maybe she wasn't being very mature, but that wasn't very mature, either. I mean, I know you were upset and your feelings were hurt that she wasn't coming to your game, so I'm not trying to say you're a horrible person or anything. It's understandable how you reacted. Waccoon is absolutely right, though, when he suggests that you should apologize for that, and he's right when he suggests that you're being a bit of a jerk by refusing to talk to her.

Relationships are about communication. Say that she does break up with you over something stupid like this. In six months, do you want to say to yourself, "Well, we're broken up now--but at least I didn't break first and call her up to talk about the situation." No, that would just be stupid, and immature.

So basically, I don't think you need to apologize for being upset that she's not coming to your game. That's a reasonable thing to be disappointed about. Of course, apologizing and forgiving are not the same things, even though they are often confused. You might not have to apologize for being upset, but you should forgive her for not being able to come. Maybe she has a good reason, but the only way to figure that out is to talk to her.

Let her know you're disappointed she can't come because you really want her to be there, but listen to her when she tells you why she doesn't want to come. And be the bigger man by talking to her first. Oh, and apologize for sending that text message. It was understandable given the situation but that doesn't make it right, and she should understand that.

And I do think she owes you an apology for abruptly hanging up on you. That wasn't cool, either.