FEEDBACK NEEDED |
 May 5 2006, 12:26 PM
Post
#1
|
|
 I'm sooooo horny  Group: Member Posts: 38 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 325,901  |
I think my writing is sh*t and wondered if anyone would give me some feedback on how to make it better This is called dreams and I wrote after a really a shitty day
Our dreams were in the sky and then they fell And we tried to catch them but we couldn't So they fell to the ground and broke to pieces There was nothing to do but try and make the pieces fit together but they didn't fit Our dreams were no longer here and we could even stop it There seems as if there is nothing to live for |
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
acid_high FEEDBACK NEEDED May 5 2006, 12:26 PM
illumineering At times, the purpose of writing is to reflect on ... May 5 2006, 12:48 PM austin mcace you shouldn't use the same word as in "fe... May 5 2006, 04:20 PM
My Cinderella. Try using a different word than "fell". ... May 5 2006, 04:23 PM  |
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: