just want some poem feedback |
 Apr 27 2006, 08:48 PM
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#1
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Newbie  Group: Member Posts: 2 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 398,594  |
Night brings Day
BLades with jewels encrusted really just Dew on the Morning grass like fallen stars the droplets Shine In the light of our Star Earth's own Treasure Vault How Fragile. A Gentle breeze from the East the water Falls The Beauty gone A tear Drops to the ground shed for the loss of beauty Instead replinishing the loss another gem in the crowd Another reason to be. |
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Apr 27 2006, 09:11 PM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Wowwwww. It's beautiful!! The only critique I have for this poem is the removal of the line
QUOTE really just and where it saysQUOTE shed for the loss of beauty Instead replinishing the loss The word 'loss' seems kind of repetetive. But, that is a very very beautiful poem. =] |
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