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Makeup Can Affect Life
priyas
post May 4 2006, 12:07 AM
Post #1


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The Cheerleader Chelsea spends most of the day puckering her lips as she replenishes her pink shiny lip gloss between classes. Her makeup kit full of lipsticks, eyeliner, eye shadow, gloss, and mascara takes up half her locker. She prefers going on a shopping spree at Sephora, her temple, rather than finishing her five paragraph essay that’s due the next day. This is the same girl who will end up a single mom covered in skin rashes living in a one room apartment with two rowdy, studious children.

This is a paragraph that i was writing. so yea.
 
 
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KissMe2408
post May 4 2006, 01:04 AM
Post #2


Yawn
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I don't know if I really agree with that, lol.
Nothing wrong with makeup or being a single mom.

But that's besides the point.

but keep writing, try to expand on your ideas more.
 
priyas
post May 4 2006, 01:27 AM
Post #3


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its supposed to be an exaggeration. she's single cuz of her rashes. yeah...i also am gonna write about: Moderate Molly and Natural Natalie.
 
starlette
post May 4 2006, 01:38 AM
Post #4


RAWR.
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WHERES MY FREE IPOD?!?!?!

Great. I'm gonna end up single with rowdy children and rashes on my face. Crap.
 
KissMe2408
post May 4 2006, 07:22 PM
Post #5


Yawn
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Oh I see...
that's why you did the whole "Cheerleader Chelsea" thing..
that makes sense.
lol you should of explained you were writing that way, confused the hell outta me. but okay,
keep writing :)
 
xTINAA
post May 4 2006, 11:57 PM
Post #6


hello : )
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^That's what I was thinking...

Uh it's okay I guess. I think it should be expanded on or more details or imagery should be added. It seems kind of weakly written if that makes sense. Still good basic ideas.
 
illumineering
post May 5 2006, 10:55 AM
Post #7


I love Havasupai
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I like the first two sentences. The third one doesn't fit. It's out of place in this context.

Good job on the first two, though!
 

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