just a thought. Options

[sheepy]

it's weird how these feelings always creep up on me, no matter how hard i try to push them away. it's like, i'm watching as my life moves on, and i cant do anything about it except sit in the audience. it's like sometimes you want to yell at someone, but the words get all jumble up together and nothing comes out clear, or even near what you wanted to say. or didnt want to say. but you still wanted to be acknowledged that you felt something here and there about the situation. or it's like when you want a good cry, because then afterwards you'll be able to finally fall asleep because you get so tired of self-pity. but then again, the tears won't come out, and theres nothing really to cry about. and then you start to wonder, if this is all worth it, and how could you ever just forget about everything that happened. and you know deep down, that you cant. that the past still haunts you in some way, and that pieces of it still lingers with you. yeah, deep down you know, but you wouldn't like to admitt it because that's what makes it real. see, if we deny and deny, maybe our lies will eat us up inside and that's all we'll know of this life. and sometimes you wonder, if i'm suppose to continue living life this way, or make some change? but then again, you're so adapted and content with your life, it's just that voice in the back of your head thats nudging you to do something you want to do, but just for some unknown reason to others, cannot do. but you know very well deep inside what that reason is. and theres that line between what you want to do, and what you should do to the benefit of others. and no matter how hard i try to make you happy, i can't because theres still a side of me that's saying. this is my life, why can i not live it to my expectations? why do i have to live life to mold around the cliches that surround us. yeah, and then it's like a never ending cycle, and the same thoughts begin all over again with each day that passes by. and then you start to wonder once again, is there more to life than this? more than having fun, facing problems, fixing them while losing a bit of yourself, finding something else to fill the empty spaces, and then you start all over again.