awesome jokes, lmao :3 Options

[sharpandcuddly]

"I need to revise the death certificate I just handed you," my fellow doctor said to a nurse I was working with. "What's wrong?" she asked. "It's a little embarrassing," he said. Then, pulling her aside, he whispered, "I was in a hurry when I signed it and, well, I accidently wrote my name under 'Cause of Death.'"





"On her first full day working at a discount store, my niece encountered her first cranky customer. The man had brought over mouse poison and demanded to know why it cost so much. "What's in there?" he said sarcastically. "Steak?"

"Well, sir," said my niece, "it is their last meal.""





"As luck would have it, I drew the name of my principal at our school's Secret Santa Christmas party. A first-year teacher, I had no clue what to get her. I threw out a few ideas to some colleagues, but they always responded the same: "She already has one." Desperate, I asked a doctor friend, "What do you give a woman who has everything?" He thought about it a moment, then responded, "Penicillin.""





"Do you have a reservation for a group of Hicks from Kalamazoo?" he asked the desk clerk. "I'll check, sir." the man replied smoothly, "What's your name?"





"Returning home from dinner out one night, I felt sick. Suspecting food poisoning, I called the manager. "I can't believe it!" she stated. "What did you have?" "The stuffing," I replied. "How weird. It's usually the meatloaf.""





"My brother-in-law was a lay minister, so when his sister wanted a small, casual wedding, she asked him to officiate. He had never performed a wedding ceremony before, so he asked his pastor for advice.
"My sister has asked me to marry her," he began, "And I'm not sure what to do."
The minister answered, "Try telling her you just want to be friends.""





"Billy Graham tells the story of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town and asked a boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, Billy invited him to come to the meeting that evening. "You can hear me telling everyone how to go to heaven."
"I don't think so," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office.""





"Even though my wife is in her 20's, her mind is stuck in the 80s. Watching a movie promo for the remake of King Kong, she gasped. "I can't believe it!" "What?" I asked. "They made a movie out of Donkey Kong.""





"Talk about a freak accident. My uncle was driving to a hockey game with his two sons when a low-flying duck hit the car. After absorbing the shock of what happened, my Uncle broke the silence by saying, "Well. There's a bird who didn't live up to it's name.""





kay thats it for now. Maybe more later!
Enjoy and I hope you get a good laugh. :D