Createblog Diary, V.7 Options

[vash1530]

dear diary, todai sukd it was so boring. bland. dull. tomo wil def. be better. i guess u need these dull days to make other days exciting.

[*lolita kitty*]

dear cb diary,

It feels weird in here now. Like. I feel like if I don't have a problem I don't deserve to have a diary entry. And that the people with bigger problems than me should be pityed, while I should just shut up.
I feel all bad reading the other entrys and seeing people all sad because their day sucked, and i just sort of say "uh, my day was good".
This whole forum is corrupting my look on the internet now. I feel like I shouldnt take anything seriously online, but come on. These aren't random people I met 10 seconds go, I've known these people for like 2 years. And yet, they never have much nice to say about me.I feel pathetic for getting so pissed off at these types of things -_-.
ugh, screw this.
the funny thing is that I AM HAVING PROBLEMS. but no, i shouldnt say it. theres people that read posts here. I wouldn't want that to happen again, eh?
I'm doing that thing where i get all quiet and don't talk to anyone at school again Brandi is FTGEpiGfiphFVRPIHGpfs pissing me off. She is the most.. and Cami.. and what Emily said... and when Dillan and his friends were laughing at me.. and.....
screw this, I'll go write this down somewhere else.

..oh yeah, and we kissed today I win. it was after school. i was is this sad, quiet mood. We were standing by that wall outside of Ms. green's room and then it happened.

[xTINAA]

Steph and Julia - Thanks I might have to take you two up on that offer sometimes. And feel free to do the same.

Dear cB Diary,
Today was poop. So not only is the makeup/late work piling up but there really is like no time to do it. Perhaps I should cut down on my online time, but for serious, I'm almost never online. The computer is on, I'm signed in on everything, however, I'm not actually sitting here on the computer. I'm busy and I don't get why. I don't even do anything yet it seems I'm so busy. What the freak. What a paradox. Today was such a crap day. I had no time whatsoever to study for my calculus test so big surprise I failed. I usually think I did decent, perhaps a C, however this time, I know for sure that I failed. How do I know? Well let's see, there were about ten+ problems and I answered one. Most likely wrong. I think that qualifies as failing. I'm so stupid though. I just don't get it. I'm sure I would if I did the work, got help, or something but I don't want to. How odd, right? I sit and complain yet I don't really do much about it because I just don't want to. I feel so hopeless; I feel like why the hell try when I'm just gonna fail at it anyway. Might as well not exert the energy trying if either way I reach the same conclusion. I almost cried in class sitting there struggling with nothing on my paper because I'm such a failure I couldn't even attempt any of the other problems. There are a few people out there though that I'm thankful for. The only ones that bothered to help me while even my best of friends didn't do anything. I'm thankful for about a handful of people.

Lately, I've been missing him more. Perhaps it's because I talked to him recently and it was such a good conversation as opposed to starting out in a fight. But it's so hard to read him (mostly because it's online) and I'm mad paranoid. I keep thinking negatively like, he doesn't care to talk to me but he does just so he doesn't seem rude or shady when I IM him. Why do I do this to myself? I should just get over him, get over it all, and move on. He broke my heart. He hurt me. I know, I know, everyone gets hurt but this seems different. Like we should still be together. This is a big bump in the road but we'll get back together. I don't know why I keep thinking like this. It's because of that little tiny speck of hope that is holding me back from moving on. Today I found the perfect song: You Were My Everything by Aviation. Wow. Perfect lyrics to describe exactly how I feel. It's so much easier to think about him too when the other he isn't there for me to flirt with.

Anyway, tomorrow is Josh's funeral. Man, that's gonna be hard. I don't know how I'm gonna handle it. I've known him since middle school. I still can't fully grasp that they are both gone. It's going to be so hard...I don't know if there is a viewing but part of me doesn't want there to be because I dont' think I could handle it. Part of me does though so I can say goodbye.

Life is unfair, difficult, frustrating, and confusing.
That becomes all the more real to me each day. Poo.
-Me.

[redpeony]

Life's gooooood.
School is under control, friends are awesome, I feel God, volunteering is good, I've got a break from work until end of this month...
In fact, It's better than It has been in a long time and that's weird because my boyfriend's not here.. and I'm wondering if it feels like this because he's not here.
I don't even miss him. It's odd because by now I should feel COMPLETELY LOST AND LIKE I'M DYING because I've been away from him for so long.. but I'm really just like "whatever". And I'm having fun on my own. I mean.. perhaps that's a good thing and people that miss their boyfriends like that are just too desperate. But maybe I should at least long to be with him, not be able to take it either way. Oh well... I know there's a purpose for it all.

[*mzkandi*]

Dear cB,
My three week vacation is finally about to come to an end. I'm ready to get back into the grind of school even I have a make a mad dash to register for a few last minute classes ;x

-K

[*stephinika*]

chrissy, not a problem.

dear cb diary,

why the fxck do i have to be so godamn sensitive when it comes to him? that tiny little thing in that phone convo...yeah it bothered me. i'm pretty comfortable with my body but when it comes to negative comments about it...even as a joke, bothers me a lot. especially from him. so when he said that...it hurt. as stupid as it was, and even though i knew he was joking...it hurt. then when i told him and his voice just went blank...i don't know.
i need to quit this crying business all the time. fxck.

[Looow]

Dear Createblog Diary,

Oh my god. You have no idea at all how happy I am. My sister and my mom made up after two months. God. My mom offered to help my sister. She's going to come and live back with us. I don't know how we're going to do it because it's going to be tighter. So family right now, is pretty good. I couldn't be more grateful for that.

I feel like I shouldn't be so close to him I mean, he has a girlfriend and she gets jealous realllly easily. I'm glad I didn't go over to his house today. I mean, I hope people don't make rumors about how he's hanging out with me. She's kind of my friend. Oh, I hate drama.

[silver-rain]

Dear CB Diary,
Oh wow. I had so much fun today, it was really unexpected. It started off with me and him fighting blah. But luckily, we made up and I invited myself to hang out with his friends at karaoke. At first, it was a bit weird for me, since his friend had come over and I wasn't too comfortable with that. But I got over it because she seemed alright. Then, we went to the mall, where I bought him his birthday gift; a coat he really wanted, and he looks so good in it. We met up with his other friends and went to the place. At first it seemed shady, but when we got all set up, we had a lot of fun. His 22 year old friends bought us drinks (Smirnoff, so good) and we just spent the next hour and a half singing (or in my case, speaking hah) the songs. The time passed by so quickly, I couldn't believe it. We also went out to eat where one of his friends "wowed" one of the waitresses so she gave us all free drinks haha. Man, I'm so glad I went over to his house and invited myself and that my parents didn't seem to care. It really was a fun night, and I'm happy. Mm, I love him so much and I'm glad he enjoyed today too. I hope it was a good birthday for him, since I can't see him on Sunday.
Hmm, I hope I get to have more fun on Monday with him or them heh.

[Teesa]

Dear CB Diary,

Whew. I'm so thankful that this week is finally over. This past week and a half have been the hardest. I don't think I've cried that much every day. The funeral services really helped bring me to some kind of closure. I know I will miss his chillness, his smile, and his voice. With Josh, I will always remember the times we played basketball together. I know we lost touch in high school, but I cherish those memories more than ever now.

EH. I don't have a date to the winter dance. And guess how much I care? Not at all. It's weird how getting a date was the most important thing back in September and now it seems almost ridiculous. I don't care. I just want to have a good time, which I certainly didn't at homecoming.

I went to see Hostel tonight, which I was really excited for. What a shame. I was really disappointed with the end result. If Jay Hernandez wasn't in it, I woulda died. Haha. Before that, I stopped by my old work place and saw some people :D I hugged him four times, and I didn't even initiate a couple. Weird how I liked him so much a few months ago. And aw, another guy wanted my number..even though he's like 6 years older than me. Why can't I attract guys that I like??

But I did see him. My heart jumped a little. Damn, I was on the phone though. He looked at me once though. But he always seems to disappear when I come. ARgh, I hate it. I really do. I hate only being able to see him like once a month. Ridiculous. I need to get a guy.

--Teesa

[*lolita kitty*]

dear cb diary,

ohmygod, today was the best day ever. It was like a relief from all the bad shit.
Sfter school me courtney taylor and cami planned to meet at the downtown mall. we did, and we also met up with ashli and emmy. then we called juliann and invited her. it was like friggen 8 of us. we had so much fun, we took pictures and ran around because no one was there and ate at the food court and the people wer elike wtf. but whatever. im happy. oh and then we called that radio station and we were on the radio.
HREAPHIER'HIPEGAHIP im so happy now. well anyway taylor and cami are spending the night so yeah. I'm gonna go now.
bye.
- cassie

[chocolateaficion...]

Dear CB Diary,
I feel horrible. Mentally and emotionally. About an hour ago, I went on an angry rage toward my cousin. I didn't mean to.. but I couldn't help it. It just all came out. I guess, I guess.. I've been bottling up my feelings today or something. School was great, spending time with Katrina and Anthony was great but later in the day when evening came around I began to feel so confused and lost and I didn't know what to do. I guess I kept it all inside me and finally let it out on my cousin. I wish I didn't do that.

Stacy is probably the only real friend I actually have, and it's been awhile since I had a true friend. She may be moving to Idaho for high school. I don't know what I'll do without her. I plan on moving to another school. Well, I don't plan on.. but I'd really like to. I guess school wouldn't be the same if she wasn't around so I might as well isolate myself from others that consider me their friends but don't even come close.

I'm lost, confused. I don't know who to care about, what I care about.. I just don't know. I hope my mind will clear up by tomorrow.

-Teresa

[*jooleeah*]

Chrissy- no problem.

dear cb diary,
i'm so tired.
i want something...i just don't know what, yet. but what more could i ask for? i already have amazing friends and family that care about me.

edit://
i was so mad about him getting kicked out of gt twice. i was mad about him getting suspended twice. i was mad about him getting me to lie for him. i was mad abuot him lying to them. i was mad about him drinking.

but i'm f**king furious about him smoking. f**k, it's not even that bad. i'm making my little brother stay away from him. did he f**king forget about second hand smoking? i was so f**king angry.

but now, i just feel like crying. for the first time in a while. he's ruined everything i thought about him. this is it. the tiniest space in my emotional f**king heart i had for him as in "family love" has gone. i officially really hate him. i really really really hate him.

[m.ar.i.a]

Dear CB Diary,

i REALLY dont want to go to yg today. im in no mood. dad is all cranky and is it my fault???? its him who decided not to clean until midnight!!

omg, yesterday, i was trying REALLY hard not to look at them but so i was looking back and i kinda ran write into N and guess wat i said?? "whoa" and him "sorry".... IM THE ONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO SAY SORRY AND I SAID WHOA. then guess wat i did? walk away. i need to learn how to think quicker. then after school, i had to return this book for book report cuz it was overdue and while i was getting there i saw "N" and i was like w/e but then, right behind him was "T"!! i thought i got over him but i guess not...........

[Teesa]

Julia--
Hey hon, I'll talk to you later about this. Just remember, not to say anything now that you'll regret later on. You might just be speaking in the heat of the moment right now.

Dear CB Diary,

Whew, another entry and I barely did anything today. I should have been studying for finals and whatnot, but I couldn't concentrate. I relied on Cliff notes. :)

I think I'm fading away from my friends. As in, hanging out with new ones and losing some of the old ones. But I think I like the change. It seems like I'm not always tied down anymore.

I can't wait until the winter dance. No, not because of the dance. Because of the date it's on. The same day as the Avalanche game. I've been looking forward to it since forever. I cannot wait. Then, to end it with a dance is just secondary. I'm going with a new group. It's time to go with another one. I should have done it for homecoming, but I was stupid.

--Teesa

[mzbbc]

dear cB diary,

yeaaa maybe i should get started on that essay. 0 words, 700 to go. hahaha i procrastination, except that this is gonna be a f**king long night in my worst subject.

ughhhhhh.
only 89 days to go. <---yes imma loser counting down the days till school is over.

Maia
xoxo

[*Azarel*]

Content removed.

[*lolita kitty*]

dear cb diary,

who the hell cares if friday and saturday rocked, because sunday is SUCKING.
BIG f**king TIME.
I JUST...... RFHUEReruodzaoa;uogauoesrorus.
I can't communicate with people anymore. everytime im pissed i justy shut down and stop talki ng, and my friends are like wtf/.
and everyone likes cami better than me
and were like best friends. but its like. im in her shadow. everywhere we walk, she's the one people are ruching too. im just that... other one
it was the same with me and jenny n, me and patricia, me and brandi, and now me and cami
WHAT THE HELL
IM SICK OF THIS
IM SICK OF BEING THAT FRIEND THATS JUST... BEHIND. THE ONE THATS IN THE OTHERS SHADOW. OH, THE FISRST ONE IS COOL, THE SECOND GIRL IS OKAY.
f**k BAD GRAMMAR
IM PISSED
THIS SUCKSSSSSSS
i hate this. like the other day at school me and casmi were walking out of the locker room and emily came up to us and said "OMG CAMI I LOVE YOUR SHIRT. YOU WEAR SUCH CUUUTE CLOTHES AND AHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU MAKE ME LAUGH"
and then she just f**king looked at me and left.
WHY CAMI?????????//
and cami isnt even nice. she's a bitch. she's always so dhujzhuj'gefuhaD TO ME.
LIKE ON FRIDAY AT SCHOOL I STARTED TO CRY AT LUNCH, AND I JUST RAN AWAY. WHAT THE FUCKL WAS THAT FOR. IM LIKE A KID. WHEN I CANT SOLVE MY PROBLEMS, I JUST RUN AWAY AND CRY
YES, ITS TRUE. PATRICIA YO WERE RIGHT FROM, THE START, I DO DO THAT. ALOT.
YOU TOUGH PEOPLE OWN ME LIKE WHOA.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.
and when they were over.
we had this fight about the whole skinny anf fat deal
THEY KEPT SAYING "IM f**king FAT I HATE THIS"
THEY DONT EVEN GET HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TOBE SKINNY. LIKE ME. MY f**king ARM IS LKE 2 INCHES EWIDE. I CAN FIT MY HAND AROUND MY WRIST. ITS SO SAD.
THEY'RE ALWAYS LIKE WTF CASSIE EAT. EAT. EAT. EAAAATTTTT!
EVEN MY FAT ASS MOM SAYS THAT
WHY IS IS THAT WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOURE SKINNY THEY LAUGH BUT SAYING YOURE FAT IS AN INSULT
WHEN GET MADE FUN OF FOR BEING SKINNY MY FRIENDS DONT EVEN DARE! THEY JUST SAY "OMG CASSIE BEING SKINNY IS GOOD"
BUT WHEN THAT GUY CALLED TAYLOR FAT, SHE STARTED TO CRY AND EVERYONE FELT ALL BAD FOR HER.
WHY DIDNT I GET THAT
THEY WERE ALL HUGGING HER AND I TOLD HER SORRY AND LEFT
f**k HER
f**k THIS
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhghghghghgggggghhhhhhh.....
im crying again.
wfphruowruioruoiwrouwvouxdvoudouds dosdsohfishd
sometimes i look at cami and say "why do i have the boyfriend and she doesnt?"
seriously, when jacob asked me out, i was so surprised. i thought he liked cami. everyone does.

this reflects all back to november 11 when we were at those apartments.
thats when my staghe started. my self conciousness stage. the whole bitch about everything stage.
because thats when those ghetto kids seperated us
it was me cami emmy and sophia
they knew emmy
they called cami a hottie. they asked her out 4980498t imes and kept telling her she was sooo hotttt and yeah
sophia was the fat chick
i was th anarexic chick
WTF
they literally looked at me and said "um girl arer you bulimic? you look like it. hahahah eat"
I LOOK LIKE A f**king KID
I CANT GAIN WEIGHT
I TRY I TRY I f**king TRY I EAT MORE THAN ANY OF MY FRIENDS AND YET THEY STAY NORMAL AND IM THE SKINNY BITCH
and i hate my looks
im getting so self concious
like ugh. my eye makeup always smears because i always cry in school and i get raccoon eyes which i cant wash off. my fave turns bright red when i cry and i get these rashes
well, not really, but
it just looks ugly
and im so f**king pale
and ugh f**k all of you who read this and tell me to f**king suck it up and that i need to stfu

AND MOM I CANT STAND HER
SHE IS LIKE THE MOTHER NO ONE WANTS
SHES LIKE A TEN YEAR OLD
I CANT BELIEVE I GAVE HER 200 BUCKS BECAUSE SHE COULDNT PAY HER OWN BILLS
JULY AT HJER HOUSE
SHE WAS CRYING AND ON THE PHONE AND HAD NO MONEY TO PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL. SHE WAS LIKE ON HER CELL PHONE SCREAMING. I WAS SO SCARED I HANDED HER MY MONEY OUT OF MY POCKET AND TOLD HER TO HER FACE "SHUT ... THE... HELL... UP..."
THAT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
AND SHE TOOK .TI SHE DIDNT EVEN GIVE IT BACK
THE ONLY EPEOPLE WHO KNOW THIS ARE JAYLYN AND PATRICIA
AND ITS LIKE THEY DONT KNOW., THEY ALL STEREOTYPE WHITE FAMILIES AS BEING HAPPY AND SHIT AND UGH THATS NOT TRUE. THEY ALWAYS THINK ASIAN AND BLACK KIDS ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING AND WHITE KIDS ARE JUST LUCKY
THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHING
MY MOM IS THE WORST PERSON. SHE DIDNT EVEN PAY ME B ACK. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY MALL MONEY. I HAD SAVED UP ALL M Y ALLOWANCE. IF I DIDNT GIVE TYHAT YTO HER I WOULD HAVE HAD NOTHING TO DRINK... FOR AWHILE
AND MY DAD IS LIKE ON MY ASS ABOUT EVEEYRTHING
HE NEVER SHUTS UP ABOUT SCHOOL OR ANYTHING
MY GPA IS LOW AND THE f**king DISTRICT HASNT HAD AN EW SSEMEMSTER SUNCE AUGUST. I CANT START THEM OVER AND MY SCHOOL IS ABOUT TO KICK ME OUT
I DONT WANT TO f**king LEAVE EHCHARTER AND GO BACK TO NMS
NMS WAS SHIT. ITS LIKE HELL ON EARTH. THAT WAS THE GHETTO SCHOOL WHERE A WHITE GIRL COULDNT EVEN RIDE THE BUS WITHOUT GETTING HIT BY A BLACIK KID AND CALLED RACIST.
I REALLY DONT WANT TO GO BACK, EVEN IF PATRICIA IS THERE. EVERYONE THERE SUCKS, THEY;RE ALL SO MEAN.
i had to stand two years, i dont want another one
charter is the only place where people like me for who i am..... well... actually they still call me anorexic uut nevermind
and like i remember that time my dad literally got so mad at me he slapped me across the face. ughhhh. i wish tat never happened
now i have bad memories of my dad
and my mom. especially my mom
everyone always tells me my dad is so sweety and why the hell do i always say he is mean
hes like this phoney in front of my friends
in louisiana he was like 100000 times meaner
i reember this time my friends were over and he got so mad he started to scream at me and he scared them away. they literally ran out the door.
he hasnt done that in awhile but omg if he ever does.
now he only gets pissed at me when were alone and my friends leave.
and my friends.........
i mean i dont know where to end it. i feel like if i end it theres more to say thsat i left out.

f**k my grammer. im mad and my typing sucks.
byebye.

- cassie

[xTINAA]

Julia, Anna, Cassie

Dear cB Diary,
Wow. I'm motherf**king stupid. How pathetic can I honestly get? Seriously? Really? Just wow. f**king I have so much shit to do and why? Because since September I've been slacking off. Why? Because Seho oppa died. Why else? Because right after that Phillip broke up with me. How f**king pathetic. I stopped my whole god damned life because of him and he doesn't even f**king care or miss me and obviously didn't mean any of the shit he told me. I'm so frustrated and so tired and so stressed and so overwhelmed and so angry. How could I have been so f**king stupid? Honestly. I've f**ked up so bad since we f**king broke up. That hurt so bad. I can't even explain. I stopped living because of it. I stopped everything. Wanna know how pathetic? Want me to prove to you that I honestly just stopped life altogether? Look at my calendar. Where is it right now. It's still on the week of September 17th. Look at all my grades. Where did all the F's appear? Right after September 17th. HOW f**king STUPID AM I? Now look at me. Not only did I get my heart broken but now IM THE ONE f**king PAYING FOR IT. How does that make sense? I screwed up so bad. God. Now my f**king IB diploma is in jeopardy. GOD DAMN. HOW f**king STUPID. I threw away everything. I HATE HIM FOR IT SO MUCH. I Hate that he hurt me and then because of it, I hurt myself. But I can't even freaking be mad at him or really hate him. Why? Because I still love him. Pathetic, dumbass me, still loves him. And why else? Because everything is and was my fault. EVERYTHING. I always screw up. Everything good I happen to mess up. What the hell is my problem. I'm so angry. I have so much to do and here I am on stupid createBlog. I can't even pull myself away; I've gotta come check it like every thirty minutes. God damn. I have so much to do. So much makeup work to do. And even if I turn it in my teachers don't have to accept any of it or give me credit. WHY AM I SO STUPID. I'm going to end up failing anyway. I'm gonna ruin my GPA and I just got freaking accepted. God damn. Ugh. Then I've got to do well on my finals and Lord knows that's not gonna happen because I havent' been able to concentrate the entire semester.
Ugh.
Somebody help me.
Why doesn't anyone help me? GOD even my f**king 'best' friend doesn't do shit. WHAT THE f**k. I'm there for everyone all the time. I'm always there to listen, to give advice, to f**king help out. IN MY TIME OF NEED WHO THE f**k IS THERE. Who can I count on? NO ONE. Even when they f**king act like they are, as soon as I start talking about my issues they f**king tune out or somehow relate it all back to them and then there we go again, we're talking about YOU not about ME. Thanks for giving me five seconds of your wasted life you piece of shit 'friend'. I can only count on like a handful of people and let me tell you, this handful of people has changed so f**king much. UGH. ANd the reason they tune out is because they can't relate. But even if they can't relate they should just f**king listen and try to help me out with advice or assignments or something. Only like two people in IB understand what it's f**king like to have grades and go through all of this bullshit like this. DONT f**king BITCH TO ME THAT YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE YOUR ASS ONLY GOT A f**king C IN THE CLASS WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD. I really don't f**king care because if it was me, I'd be thankful that I'm even getting a C. Then again, maybe that's my problem. My whole f**king mindset.
God damnit. I hate school. I HATE IT WITH A BLOODY PASSION. I've never felt so much dislike for anything in my life - not even a single person. I don't hate. Ever. Hate is wrong. Yet I can't control my emotions and how they really do seem like hate for this f**king hell hole that I have to go to Monday through f**king Friday.
EFF. WHY? WHY? GOD DAMNIT. My brain is like on overload. I can't even remember anything anymore. I keep forgetting my assignments. I keep losing things. WHO THE f**k LOSES PEOPLES CHRISTMAS PRESENTS? MY GOD. I lost my f**king checkbook too. I can't do anything right. I can't remember anything, I can't do anything right. What the hell. Gosh I want so much to either repeat this school year - go back in time - or just f**king graduate already. College is not gonna be all this same f**king trivial bullshit like high school. UGHRLAJGLAKJGRLKJglakjglrakjg.,jrglag
Gosh and it's not like school is the only f**king problem going on in my life. NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT. NOTHING. Everyone f**king sucks.
And to f**king think that things were honestly going GOOD months ago and because of ONE GOD DAMNED THING, ONE GOD DAMNED MISTAKE, ONE GOD DAMNED NIGHT, everything falls to pieces. I'm still not over it. WHY AREN'T I OVER IT? Why is he over it and not me? Why can everyone else move on and live their life, but not me?
-Me.

[miszSERENiTY]

Dear cB diary..

I've realized that he has grown up. Thats exactly what I wanted when we split apart, for him to grow up. But now that hes "grown up" I don't think he wants me anymore. I'm pretty sure he's the only one thats ever loved me besides my family. I feel so foolish for letting a good thing go. He was mos def. the one for me. &I f**ked it all up. I don't know how to tell him that I wanna get back with him. I'm pretty sure he has no idea, judging on the way I acted when we split up. I never knew these feelings would come back to haaunt me. I thought I was over him. When I say something about him&people ask me "Do you still like him or something?" I say no. I don't want nobody to know. Not even my best friend Lauren knows. She knows that I hate they way that me&him are so fake towards eachother but she has no idea about my intentions. I don't know how to tell him, cuz I'm afraid of what he might say or think. I'm afraid of rejection, but who isn't? For the past year&a half I've been with him on&off. I just can't really believe that its really over, forrealforreal. It's like I'm tryna grasp onto something thats not there anymore...or is it? I have no idea. Me & my mom were talking about it the other day & she was saying "No matter what you're always gonna run right back to him"... &thats probably true, never have I once turned him down. &Now that I see him about to hook up with another girl...it breaks my heart. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE F**K TO DO ANYMORE. I'm lost in this game of love, and I can't find my way out. In the end, whatever happens, is meant to happen.

[*lolita kitty*]

chrissy
I really don't know how you feel, as in thats never happened to me, but all I can say is I am so sory. I've been reading your diary entrys for awhile 9like.. a few months) now, and I know all thats going on. Thre isn't much for me to say except i am very sorry, and i wish you the best of luck. kay?

dear cb diary,

i was in a pissy mood yesterday.
all that i held back just sort of exploded. yeah, i was pretty mellow today.
not much to say.
i do feel a bit better.
or and we kissed after school again. me and jacob

[*jooleeah*]

teesa- i'll be talking to you soon. thanks<33
chrissy- things will be better soon. i promise. <3

dear cb diary,
i'm trying to get my mind off of alex, my older brother. i'm trying to get my mind off of grandpa dying & his cancer. i'm trying to get my mind off of everything. but i can't help it. it's killing me inside, it really is.

it really is.

you know what i hate? feeling sorry for myself. but i can't seem to stop doing it.

[silver-rain]

Dear cb Diary,

Blehh, why didn't I cut today?? Why?? Ugh, I can't belive I got caught too. Mann, I feel so bleh today, I hope that tomorrow I can talk to him and set this thing straight. I really didn't mean to, but eugh. I hate all this work I have to do. I hate it all. I can't wait till after finals and I can do whatever I want.

[*not_your_average*]

Dear cB diary,
You have no idea how much I f**king want Fort Settlement to burn to the ground. Every single goddamn day, I go there, listen to my stupid teachers ramble on about some inane shit that I could care less about, deal with those selfish, lazy, clumsy, careless, rude dumbasses who deserve to be expelled, and do my best to resist the useless facts pummeled into my head after the 7-hour torture ends.
Rinse, wash, repeat.

It has to stop. Sometimes I want to run away from all my problems and let the world forget that I'm even there. Apparently, the asswipes at school are very good at that. I want to break down and lose control sometimes and kill the very first person that I see. No, don't f**king tell me you know what's it like, don't f**king tell me that everything will change in high school, because I know it won't. They told me in elementary school that everything would change in middle school. WELL, GUESS WHAT SMARTASS? EVERYTHING JUST GOT WORSE. GREAT JOB.
Rinse, wash, repeat.

No, I'm not okay, as much as I love to tell myself, that my depression is getting better, that I'm making friends, that everything in my life is going all nice and dandy and perfect and that I'm all smiles. Bullshit. I've been in denial since the fifth grade. SINCE f**king ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
Rinse, wash, repeat.

Someone take me away from here.

-Radhika

[*Azarel*]

Content removed.

[shortiiex]

Dear Diary,
My parents are COMPLETLY ignoring each other! Which is rare because they usually argue. My mom has been secretly crying. I think they ar egetting a divorce but they won't tell us because they never tell us. I just hate having that tension in this house!