someone proofread my essay, pretty please? Options

[*stephinika*]

okay this is an essay for my english 12 class...its supposed to be a personal composition/research but not really...haha if that makes sense. all the 'research' is from articles used in class. anyways...please proofread or make comments on good and bad things...i'm bad at writing essays so yeah. it'd be GREATLY appreciated.

due: november 29th so please help.

i'll reward you somehow...haha if i can think of a way...pleaaaseee. i'm bad at essays, i need other peoples input.


Advertisements are commonly utilized to promote a lifestyle with the qualities of being a part of the “in-crowd”, wealthy, and attractive to sell their clothing products to the consumers, yet those aspects are not necessarily gained when the products are bought. The companies use the slogans and images in the advertisements to convince the consumers that they should be like the people shown to be better in life, and be that perfect person that everyone likes and wants to be. As people are constantly bombarded with such exhibits, they slowly begin to believe that that is what they should be like. In reality, these conceptions of ‘perfection’, are not necessarily true, but are simply sold to consumers as such.

The establishments use their advertisements to show the people in them as being a part of the “in-crowd”, above the regular people of the world that don’t own that particular product. Being on the “Best Dressed” list, as opposed to the “Worst Dressed” list can help or hinder a celebrity going about their life. In a smaller way, the same can be said in every day life, for a regular person walking down the street. Consciously or subconsciously, we look at a person firstly by what they are wearing or look like. “One risks damnation by [wearing] last year’s colour”, or style. (Nelson) These trends of the season are dictated by the fashion experts and clothing industry leaders either through television, celebrities, magazines, or some combination of those and more. In many advertisements that I have seen, the companies often use high-profile celebrities to promote their clothing line and project the idea to the consumers that if they wear their clothing, they can be just as great as the star shown displaying it. Even though the advertisements convey this, I have seen that people don’t really become “great” because of the clothing. A person may be seen as “cooler”, but they are just the same person they were before.

Being “in” is not the only image being sold, but being wealthy and having money to oneself is a part of it too. Certain brands are well known as higher class merchandise, for example, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Coach. This reputation is further shown in the advertisements showing someone wearing their products and living an extravagant lifestyle. Such brand names have prominent logos on their goods, and when someone is seen with those products on or with them, “each article … promises to increase [their] status and transform [them] in turn into objects of envy.” (Nelson) I know that I have even fallen to that feeling of envy when I see someone wearing that new sweater, or carrying that expensive new purse. It’s not necessarily even the product itself, but knowing that that particular person has the money to spare to spend on such a luxury. Owning the products that are seen so often in the famous advertisements of such big companies can bring a sense prestige to those consumers, and even to those around them. Although it may do that, it doesn’t actually create wealth for the owners, but simply the illusion of it to others, and perhaps even to themselves.

Selling the lifestyle of being “in” and wealthy isn’t enough, for the portrayal of physical attractiveness plays a huge factor in how advertisements are done as well. They often show the “perfect” body with their models, but it’s a very limited and narrow definition of perfection. “Researchers have found that girls and women who work as models weigh 23% less than the average female their age,” (Do advertisements influence our self image and our self esteem?) which shows how unnatural this view of “perfection” is. The flawlessness of the people behind the products in the magazines isn’t even real, for their appearance is almost always altered by the “makeup artists, photographers, and photo retouchers”(Do advertisements influence…) to reach that final stage, which is the only part of the process the consumers really see. Now, even the mannequins are made in this ideal image that’s put forward to the public, when it’s actually quite unrealistic. “The hips of an average department store mannequin measure six inches less than that of the average young woman.” (Do advertisements influence…) Men and male mannequins are also often shown with “chiseled jaws [and] muscled but sleek torsos.” (Nelson) When so many corporations’ and marketing campaigns repeatedly use the same physical definition of what is “perfect” to sell their merchandise, this idea sinks into the minds of the consumers that the products will help them attain this unnatural “perfection” that can lead to better things in life. For example, many advertisements show the person wearing the product with an extremely attractive person of the opposite sex, implying that a person like that is obtainable through something as simple as specific clothing. In actuality, these promotions of such an artificial body can lead to rather undesirable things such as starving oneself to the point of anorexia and low self esteem and depression.

The companies and media bombard us with their views of a perfect lifestyle of being a part of the “in”-crowd, rich, and physically appealing and how these aspects of life can be accomplished through obtaining their products. They try to show the buyers how owning these things will actually make them into the people they wish to be. Realistically, that is far from the truth, as it may give the illusion of those features, but they are not truly gained in owning the merchandise shown in the false advertisements.

This post has been edited by stephinika: Nov 29 2005, 12:04 AM