Club Sandwiches, Are you for them? Options

[sheridan_whitesi...]

I think club sandwiches are another attempt by the Intellectual Elite of this nation to foist upon the ordinary Git-R-Done folk strange, Byzantine sandwich structures. Think about this: The word "club" automatically has a connotation of exclusion and elitism. These elites are not content with one cut of the sandwich. They cut the sandwich making four distinct sandwich triangles. This represents their intellectual largesse. The turkey breast cold cuts are all that are necessary for a delicious sandwich, yet they add bacon, mayo, lettuce, and tomatoes to foist their culinary superiority on ordinary people like you and me. There are also the matters of the completely non-edible parts of the club sandwich. The french fries do serve a purpose, since they, much like a sandwich, are delicious. We are discussing the frilly toothpick and the sprig of parsley. Parsley, while edible, is not particularly delicious, nor does it possess any form of flavor. It is there simply as a garnish, and is completely supefluous, as if these effete dandies want to hold their supposed cultural notions of beauty and aestheticism upon the sandwich-consuming denizens of our fair land. The frilly toothpick serves no purpose, either, and unlike the parsley, is not edible. Our bodies cannot process cellulose, not to mention the plastic that classifies the toothpick as frilly. Believe me, I've tried. These liberals will probably try to tell you that they are symbolic of something or other, like the folly of man. Don't believe them. It is all lies that so called smart people tell themselves to make themselves feel better, since they don't have the simple pleasures folks like you and I have, such as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I say reject the club sandwich, and return our bread-based foods to their egalitarian roots!