Proofreading., = ] Options

[annalucky]

For my AP English class, we wrote a response to a prompt and I was wondering if anyone would proofread it to look for mistakes in grammer, diction [use of words], spelling, etc. I'm not really good in english because it's my second language. If topics like this aren't allowed, please close it. = ]

In this passage Richard Rodriguez expresses a sense of guilt, sadness, and formality through the use of pronouns, emphasis on materials, a melancholy atmosphere, and the realization of the empty riches to the narrator.  He refers to his family members as “someone” or “somebody” as if he didn’t know these people. Rodriguez stresses materials in this passage instead of the emotions of the characters. The excerpt is set during Christmas, a time of a cheerful and joyful celebration though the atmosphere is detached and unsociable.
In the text, there are no names mentioned even though it’s a small family gathering where the participants are most likely to know one another. The narrator refers to “someone” (line 18) getting up, “somebody” (line 17) groaning. The lack of names contribute to the distant attitudes of the characters in the story. He talks of how his “younger sister” (line 29)  kisses his mother and how his “brother drives away.” Asserting the withdrawn character, the figures in the passage aren’t personified with names and characteristics¾those are reserved for the materials and riches in the story.
Rodriguez’s selection of detail is on the materials within the passage. It starts off with how the mother would receive gifts when her children grow up and become rich. The mother focuses her attention onto the “expensive foreign cars” (line 25) and the younger sister kisses her mother in her “shiny mink jacket” (line 29). The author chooses to exemplify the details of these things because it shows how the material seem to be more significant than the actual person receiving them. In one paragraph, the mother is describe to be standing and her feet “wreathed with gifts” (line 13). It seems as if the mother has opened all the presents, but she herself is the present. She stands in the middle of the wrapping paper to show that she is the gift and is by far more important than the presents.
The atmosphere in the excerpt is hostile and unwelcoming. The family sees Christmas as another occasion with a family gathering and nothing more; as other families see it as the most important occasion of the year. After the last gift is unwrapped, the family has nothing to do and it became uncomfortable. They don’t converse, share stories, or exchange pictures. To them, the gifts are given and that’s the end of it. This scene helps depict the icy and non-sociable mood during Christmas. When the narrator speaks interacts with his father at the end of the passage his father solely asks if he is leaving now. The author describes how the children are walking quickly to the car and how his brother merely drives away. The mother waves goodbye to them, but she is seen to be “waving to no one in particular” (line 31). All these scenes relate to the emptiness and single-heartedness of the holiday. 
Rodriguez expresses the solemn moods in this passage by his choice of dispirited diction; particularly pronouns, emphasis on a materialistic view of life, and glum surroundings.  The family are distance from each other and Christmas, a time for joy and celebration, is portrayed to be more materialistic and meaningless.  The diction used shows a low-spirited mood, almost remorseful. Rodriguez gives detail and attention to things rather than the people themselves. He shows us the empty riches within the family by a materialistic view and the low spirits during a time to be merry and cheerful.