Ah, boys., Trouble, trouble... Options

[PurchasedRebelli...]

Here's my deal:

I had/have a boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend EVER, in fact. We have been/were together for 5 years. Kind of on and off. We'd fight, break it off and then a week later, reconcile. Well, that's what happened a couple days ago.

And the thing is, I love this boy. Like, REALLY love him. But we just don't seem to click at times. But I can't imagine my life without him. Even now... he's only been gone a couple days and I miss him terribly. I saw him earlier today and all I wanted to do was hug him and never let him go.

But he's always up my ass about me cheating on him. Which I'm NOT doing. Because I'm online and I have friends who are boys on my AIM (who I RARELY talk to). And it's not like they're random guys, either... he's friends with them as well. And that's all they are... FRIENDS.

And here's where it gets even more complicated:

Since we've broken up, I've been hanging out with this other boy. Who I hadn't seen/talked to for two years but I've always had this thing for him. And it doesn't help that I did cheat on my boyfriend with him (a long time ago... and it was horrible and I never should have done it). But yeah, we reconnected and I actually really like him. But I don't know if he still likes me or if he's just trying to get in my pants.

So, I'm torn. I really want to be with my boyfriend. But I know we'll just end up fighting again (because we're like that) and I don't want to feel like shit. But I seriously can't live without him. (Kind of pathetic, I know. But he's pretty much all I know.) Buuuuut, I really like this other boy. And I'm really happy when I'm with him. But I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong.


So, yeah. Do I try to reconcile with my boyfriend or forget him and get with the other guy? Oh, and to make it even worse, the other guy is white. Which doesn't really bode well with the parentals. They're not racist or anything, just old fashioned. It took them a year to let me be with my boyfriend (who is Asian)... so you can just imagine how long (if ever) they'll let me date (if we ever get to that point) the other boy.


Sorry, that was kind of long. But I'm stuck and I'd appreciate some advice. Thanks.