Cigarette, a poem |
| *torngemini* |
 Oct 12 2005, 05:44 PM
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#1
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CIGARETTE
06/05/06 I pulled out my cigarette Wishing I didn't have to do this So many times a day Such a bittersweet soothness to my mind I breathe in tainted air Remembering you were the air I used to breathe Ashes fall, scattering in the wind As I tap the sorrow away with trembling fingers Smoke lingers and fades Unlike this love, this pain that will never leave me As the cigarette reaches its bitter end I open my eyes Everytime I realize you're no longer here To see my cry |
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Replies
(1 - 13)
| *iNyCxShoRT* |
Oct 14 2005, 08:38 PM
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#2
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Very nice, I love the little details you added in there
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Oct 21 2005, 03:17 PM
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#3
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 3,055 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 174,796 |
cool
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Oct 21 2005, 04:23 PM
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#4
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
Really lovely metaphors that you used here. Its amazing how they really relate with one another. Awesome job. Hope to see more of these kinds of poems. They just get to me =P.
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| *mipadi* |
Oct 23 2005, 08:29 PM
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#5
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Lovely use of metaphor.
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| *not_your_average* |
Oct 23 2005, 08:31 PM
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#6
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Yes, the metaphor really makes the poem. However, this line threw me off a bit:
Such a bittersweet soothness to my mind I don't know if 'soothness' is a word. :/ Other than that, it's a very strong piece of work. |
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| *stephinika* |
Oct 24 2005, 09:04 PM
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#7
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great metaphor use and imagery. i quite liked this.
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| *mzkandi* |
Oct 24 2005, 09:34 PM
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#8
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QUOTE(skp86 @ Oct 21 2005, 4:17 PM) cool  But spamming isnt >:-[ |
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| *torngemini* |
Oct 30 2005, 06:49 PM
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#9
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thank you
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Oct 30 2005, 06:55 PM
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#10
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 ladybugs are hot <3 Group: Member Posts: 1,169 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,802 |
i like it =)
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Nov 7 2005, 09:24 PM
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#11
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 I'd rather make mistakes than break. Group: Member Posts: 121 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 117,869 |
I like how descriptive this was.
Godo job. |
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Nov 7 2005, 09:29 PM
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#12
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 "Silly me, I thought this was a free country" Group: Human Posts: 1,666 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 60,913 |
very descriptive... interesting... I like it
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Nov 9 2005, 10:39 PM
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#13
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 wanna see me disco? Group: Member Posts: 136 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 286,246 |
Nice. I really liked it.
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Nov 9 2005, 11:27 PM
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#14
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 fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
Great writing.
I almost started to cry reading it because of the mood I'm in. Way to go. |
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