message to anyone, volume 12 Options

[*Azarel*]

Dear everyone on cB,

Jose is a straight-up liar. He also loses at life.

- Anna.

p.s. good night, Jose. :P

[redpeony]

since when was a relationship supposed to be emotionally draining and tiring over all else...
since when was a girlfriend supposed to feel like she was being lied to with every sweet word of bullsh*t a boyfriend uttered...
since when was a bystander supposed to be capable of initiating a full fledged argument between two people in a relationship...
since when was a person supposed to be in a relationship when they were still having trouble finding themselves..
since when was a person supposed to ditch their morals for someone else and stand there regardless of whatever hurt they go through.. for the sake of a person's happiness that they can't even help find...

for what reason, too? i know i'm not a good person. i am selfish and egotistical and am perfectly aware of that. it's almost like i'm trying to redeem myself for all the sh*t i put my parents through with my disgusting attitude by doing this.

i actually f*cking hate this and i am actually sick and tired of how much crap we go through.
i want it to be over.

i can't bring myself to leave you because yes i'll admit it: you make me feel less lonely and less crazy. you make me feel beautiful and special and amazing and cared for. and yes so maybe i am insecure and that all makes me feel worth something.

but why... lol.

i know it all comes down to my attitude... as conceited as it sounds i have enough of people saying positive things about the appearance... but when they compliment my personality i know for myself it's all a lie... and when they argue about it i can't help but think that the only people who know what i'm really like is my family. my family is sick of my attitude, and it actually kills me inside.

you call me all the time.. you send me random text messages just to check up on me and you tell me you'll ditch parties because you'd much rather hang out with me... but it still feels like i have to reach out to keep this going and it's all hanging on a line? you're probably unintentionally doing this.. maybe it's just me... i don't know what i want...

how much is this taking out of me?
so much more than you realize.

i f*cking hate self pity too

-------

you are an idiot. just shut up and stop being all "all i wanted to do was help my friends and all i get is grief". you know what? i put myself in your shoes and i understand... but you've gotta get over it. that's what happens when you get involved in other people's business... that's the risk you've got to take. and even though your intentions were good.. that's what you got and that's not fair, but it's reality.