voodoo penis, this one's a kneeslapper. |
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 Jul 26 2005, 06:57 AM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 1,831 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,324  |
warning: pg-13.
READ IT! A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo penis." "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!" The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!" |
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Replies
(1 - 24)
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Jul 26 2005, 07:07 AM
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#2
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 (′ ･ω･｀) Group: Official Designer Posts: 6,179 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 72,477 |
awww..thats so nasty..hhaha
its kinda dirty. but funny |
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Jul 26 2005, 10:53 AM
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#3
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 *GASP* A ROCK! Group: Member Posts: 291 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 167,837 |
HAHA
a litttle surprise 4 the police |
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Jul 26 2005, 05:06 PM
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#4
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 A.K.A. Simplicityxx Group: Member Posts: 1,878 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 56,813 |
This has been posted before, but it is still funny.
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Jul 26 2005, 05:11 PM
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#5
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 Residential Crazy Child Group: Member Posts: 934 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 116,897 |
I heard this one before. Damn rite officer-dildo ur ass.
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Jul 28 2005, 10:16 PM
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#6
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 The Noob Group: Member Posts: 575 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 169,647 |
LOL THATS FUNNY NOW THE POLICE HAS IT UP HIS ASS ! LOL
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Jul 29 2005, 01:45 AM
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#7
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 The Texan Group: Member Posts: 430 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 136,431 |
ROFLMAO
That was good, I gotta admit. |
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Jul 29 2005, 03:28 AM
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#8
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 Senior Member Group: Posts: 8,274 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 8,001 |
haha. that's kind of gross.
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Jul 29 2005, 05:16 AM
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#9
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 Froggie! Woof woof. :D Group: Member Posts: 1,423 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 66,146 |
lmao.
but gross. xD |
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Jul 29 2005, 01:10 PM
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#10
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CHYEAAHHH MAN Group: Member Posts: 1,255 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 168,013 |
haha so old
i read it on asian something .com =) |
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| *incoherent* |
Jul 29 2005, 01:43 PM
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#11
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Guest |
pretty sure thats not pg-13 but its freakin hilarious
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Jul 29 2005, 04:04 PM
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#12
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 I intend to live forever-so far, so good. Group: Member Posts: 2,820 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 115,137 |
hahah thats a funny!!
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Jul 31 2005, 06:56 PM
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#13
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 Theres a HERO.. if U look inside ur HEART Group: Member Posts: 74 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 178,708 |
damn fcuking funnie! rotflmfao !!
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Aug 2 2005, 05:58 PM
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#14
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,220 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 81,808 |
ahhh shit lol... look what he got himself into lol
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Aug 3 2005, 09:55 PM
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#15
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 Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 6,953 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 52,702 |
that has already been posted by it is still funny
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Aug 3 2005, 10:56 PM
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#16
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Ahahah, that's hilarious. I'm not sure if this is PG-13 though. Bad images.
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Aug 3 2005, 11:05 PM
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#17
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 none of it seems real Group: Member Posts: 2,469 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 73,889 |
haha I've heard it before but still funny..
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Aug 3 2005, 11:05 PM
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#18
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 sunshiine Group: Member Posts: 1,080 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,360 |
haha its funny but bad images.
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Aug 6 2005, 10:29 AM
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#19
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 Senior Member Group: Official Designer Posts: 4,591 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 77,305 |
LMAO, that was funny. Yet naughty.
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Aug 6 2005, 01:06 PM
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#20
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 My desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long. Group: Member Posts: 640 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 150,342 |
lmao....poor lady
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Aug 6 2005, 01:07 PM
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#21
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My desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long. Group: Member Posts: 640 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 150,342 |
lmao....poor lady
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Aug 6 2005, 01:07 PM
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#22
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My desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long. Group: Member Posts: 640 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 150,342 |
lmao....poor lady
 EDIT omg sorry bout the triple post it wasnt loading... |
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Aug 8 2005, 10:52 PM
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#23
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 Member Group: Member Posts: 19 Joined: Aug 2005 Member No: 197,329 |
haha poor policeman
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Aug 10 2005, 07:07 PM
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#24
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 82 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,273 |
funny. but are yuu sure that's only pg. 13?
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Aug 10 2005, 07:13 PM
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#25
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My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
If she was driving (sitting) with her clothes on, how was the dildo still stabbing her butt?
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