Love |
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 Sep 6 2005, 11:58 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 1,989 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,691  |
LOVE
An eternal despair fills thys pure heart With a single doubt of fear cross thou eyes With shattering glass filled with abstract art Nocturnal darkness covers thys disguise Thy lays one eye on thees exquisite face And thy canst not remove thees hooked beauty Remnants blood from thou veins, enmity trace Amorous glance until thy off duty Thou shall remove complete vindication Eliminating dried color blood stain The mountains roars with acceleration And thou shall let go of revenge and pain Thou and thee, is our love true and pure With dove settings in the sky fills obscure |
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Sep 7 2005, 09:27 AM
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#2
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 What up, dawg? Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 19,480 |
Aww... It's so pretty... I love it!
Rin-chan |
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Sep 8 2005, 05:49 PM
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#3
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Wow, that's a wonderful poem, sweet poem. I love the rhyme scheme and word usage. However, I think the words thy, thou and thee are used a bit too often. I can't quite follow the theme though. Is it love or despair?
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| *mipadi* |
Sep 9 2005, 03:29 PM
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#4
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Guest |
Your use of thee, thy, thou, and thine are incorrect. Also, thys is not a word; thy is already a possessive pronoun.
It should be like this (pronoun -> possessive pronoun) thou -> thy thee (objective form of thou) -> thine |
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Sep 11 2005, 01:53 PM
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#5
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 no news is good news... Group: Member Posts: 123 Joined: Sep 2005 Member No: 232,063 |
Wow.
Haha. That's deep. |
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| *mishyerr* |
Sep 11 2005, 02:01 PM
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#6
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Guest |
er, some of what Mipadi said.
But it's pretty intense, and I like it. ^_^ |
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