please rate .. i just wrote it a few minutes ago, please ... |
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 Mar 27 2006, 01:06 PM
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#1
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 hes the reason i smile.. <3  Group: Member Posts: 104 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 158,486  |
deep in thought,
your on my mind, your all i can think about, your one of a kind. i love you now, and always will, i will do anything for you, i'd even kill . youre the one who, keeps my heart beating fast, the one who i can turn to, when i look at my past . the smile on my face, is because of you, if i werent with you, i dont know what i'd do. i just want you to know, that i love you with all my heart, you mean the world to me, nothing could ever tear us apart. ok .. so the capitilization isnt there .. but i just started .. tell me what u think ..any advice ?? |
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Mar 27 2006, 08:00 PM
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#2
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victim of myspace.com Group: Member Posts: 395 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,435 |
I don't think I can give you advice!
It was flawless, I loved it. One of my favorites. |
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Mar 27 2006, 08:08 PM
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#3
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 You'll find me in your dreams. Group: Official Member Posts: 8,536 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 114,010 |
Could you, like, use proper grammer? You're not your. Because you want to say you are, not that it's yours. And stop switching tenses.
QUOTE i will do anything for you, You're saying will do and then would do. I'd = I would. Keep it the same. This following section doesn't fit your scheme, because you've ended two lines with the same word. It gets thrown off.i'd even kill . QUOTE is because of you, Other than that, it's nice.
if i werent with you, i dont know what i'd do. |
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Apr 2 2006, 03:19 PM
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#4
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hes the reason i smile.. <3 Group: Member Posts: 104 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 158,486 |
thanks
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Apr 2 2006, 06:21 PM
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#5
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 277 Joined: Feb 2006 Member No: 381,654 |
yeah if i was u id jus switch a few things. i would first delete everything and start over again cuz that was just mess
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Apr 2 2006, 06:22 PM
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#6
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Whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on Group: Member Posts: 157 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 389,260 |
It's simple and cute. but I didn't like it since it was sappy and really just ranting.
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