Essay On War, An Excerpt Options

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Lately I've really been trying to better my writing. Thought I'd share. It's not my best, at all, therefore, I'd love to hear your input. Below are a few excerpts from an essay I wrote last night at three A.M. for my English class... The topic is war (we had studied the lyrics to Metallica "One" and Hemingway's A Farewell To Arms in class).

War is the bear trap on humanity’s weak ankles. Leaving nothing but broken brambles in its bloody wake, mankind trudges through the forest of time, despite the burden clinging to its weary feet. For too long has life on earth been plagued with the parasite of human warfare… And for too long has humanity, likewise, fought to pry the parasite’s greedy lips from its flanks. War is fueled by man’s inability to recognize the multitude of traits he shares with his fellow man – he then, instead, hones in on petty differences, focusing his hatred on those who shed the same blood as he. War is often “justified” by those who seek to mould the minds of the masses in order to fight for a cause, or by those who are simply hell-bent on vengeance. Yet, there are those who desperately seek justification in order to procure a shred of meaning, even in the midst of the destruction that encompasses them. The struggle for peace has embodied itself in many ways throughout the ages, sometimes, ironically, only resulting in a spike in violent affairs. It is through artistic mediums such as music and writing that the fight for peace most often takes a noteworthy stand. Such writers such as Earnest Hemmingway, and even musicians such as Metallica, clearly advocate a pacifist paradigm, suggesting that the weapons of war can “take the soul” just as easily as they can take a limb; for, what war takes from a man physically is only a fraction of the vast collection of human components that such an endless strife steals.

...

The war, undoubtedly, gets in the way of a person’s happiness, men and women alike – masking humanity with a visage of blood thirst and greed. It gets in the way of love and dreams, eliminating the promise of commitment and long-term love. A “man-turned-soldier,” such as Henry, can find himself unable to say whether or not he will be seeing his lover soon… Or, rather, ever again. This, sorrowfully, creates problems for many men and women on a social level, for, every relationship seems to come loose at the ends, out of the fear that such ties will be abruptly broken.

...

Hemingway characterizes Fredrick as being somewhat weak, suggesting that war may have no heroes at all; the only “heroes” are young, terrified men who are simply waiting for some sort of end – whether it be in death or in war’s end. Death being the more realistic end in sight, many men such as Henry lose all faith they have in humanity. Hemingway seems to be suggesting that the war’s true and only hero is the man who resists war, who recognizes its uselessness, and understands its horrors.

...

It is tragic that war must plague such a promising creature such as man; however, man is flawed, and such a thing is expected from such an imperfect being. While it remains true that, in this present day, there is no way to escape war entirely, it will forever be important that man should never lose hope; for, when all hope is lost, so is mankind’s chance to overcome the evils of war. Mankind must never give up – the burden is tough, but it can still be shaken, and when it is, man can finally rise to his full potential. Men and women of the world must look past their differences, and see that no petty strife could possibly justify the horrors of war. No man leaves war unscathed, for, even if a man has not perished in war, he has still lost his life.

So, yeah, that's it. Again... Not my best... But, who cares! Tell me what you think! Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.

[karmakiller]

I like your writing :)

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Thanks

[Ekay]

it's really good but i noticed that you use "for" a lot as a transitional verb. otherwise it's really good to read

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Hmmm yeah you're right, I do use "for" too much. I never noticed that; I should work on that. That was helpful, thank you.

[Just_Dream]

Ah, I like your style of writing :] However I noticed that in the third paragraph you said "Hemingway seems to be suggesting that the war’s true and only hero is the man who resists war, who recognizes its uselessness, and understands its horrors." I totally understand that this is an opinion-type piece, but that line makes your understanding of the presented argument weak. You've used "suggested" or "suggesting" more than twice in that short paragraph, so it would be nice to use a different piece.

Overall, a nice read. lol a lot of "flowering" in terms of language, which isn't a bad thing.

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Yeahh, I always get nervous when I'm saying what I think the author was trying to do - I cop out and say things like "seems" and "might be," which I probably shouldn't do. I'll remember not to do that anymore, haha.

What do you mean by "flowering"? I've never heard the term...

[Just_Dream]

Flowering is basically using fancy language, even if you usually write like that. I flower up my essays as well. Haha it's exactly what you might think it is. :P

[saintsaens]

make dat shit pretty n shyt

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Hehe, oh, that's what I thought you meant.
Yeah I tend to be really "wordy" when I write... I try not to be TOO wordy, though, haha.

[mipadi]

It is through artistic mediums such as music and writing that the fight for peace most often takes a noteworthy stand.

Media. The plural of "medium" is "media".

I know that's the least helpful feedback you've gotten, and I plan to write a longer critique, but that stood out to me initially.

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Hehe thanks. I never knew that. I knew something about it sounded funny to me but I didn't quite know what. Thank you.