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College+Long term relationship, I could use advice
Blyat
post Apr 8 2010, 01:20 PM
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So college is right around the corner for me-ish (Aug 20th)

And some of you know that I do have a boyfriend, and he will also be attending College this year but he is going to a different college.

So here is my dilema, and a little bit of a backroung of me and Daniel

I've known him for 8 years, and we have been best friends for 8 years, we started dating summer of senior year and we literally surprisingly complete eachother (been dating 7 months) And we both really think we will be together for a long time, like come on a kid that will play with nerf guns with me is super awesome!

So back to the college situation
We're neighbours currently and like 30 seconds away from eachother
but now wereliterally going to be on the opposite sides of Michigan from eachother

basically 5-8 hours away from eachother

He also Might be going to a private college which means all his breaks are different from mine

So even seeing eachother will be a lot trickier if he goes to a private college


So overall, especially this being college, what is the best way to keep a long distance relationship since I'm obviously going to be new with this? Cause I really want to sty with him

Advice?
Sorry if this is very lengthy
 
brooklyneast05
post Apr 8 2010, 01:34 PM
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it will probably be hard if not halfway impossible. people change like crazy in college. there is no way to predict how someone will be in college because it's a whole new environment.

my girlfriend and i couldn't make it smoothly at first and we weren't separated by distance. we were friends and together a lot longer than you and your dude too. on the flip side after a rough patch we got back together and are fine...but then again we don't have to mess with distance. point is it's going to take a ton of work and a ton of understanding between both of you. a ton.

also i think 99% of couples in that position aren't willing to give each other real space, and if you are going to try to have a relationship on a leash while you are hours apart it's never going to work. imo you should set up really slack rules, and be prepared to cope with not having much control over your significant other. if you can't shrug off little issues then probably it won't work.
 
Blyat
post Apr 8 2010, 01:54 PM
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Thanks JC I definetly was hoping you would answer

But I totally agree with you that I will have to be slack with him
And I really am usually and definetly leniant with him, like you said college is different so I'm definetly fearing that It might make me more worried about girls and stuff there
But I think, or atleast hope, little things like that I will brush off and not have that come between us.

I'm hoping I will be able to let him have space, but only time will tell me that right?

I"m hoping during the summer I can really talk to Dan about college life
like not about rules just like how we can cope and communicate with it
Is that a good idea?
 
tokyo-rose
post Apr 8 2010, 02:42 PM
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QUOTE(Uso @ Apr 8 2010, 02:54 PM) *
I"m hoping during the summer I can really talk to Dan about college life
like not about rules just like how we can cope and communicate with it
Is that a good idea?

Yeah, definitely. Know where you each stand on the status of your relationship, establish the slack rules that JC mentioned, and just try your hardest to stay together.
 
creole
post Apr 8 2010, 02:46 PM
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awh =( group.gif


Commitment and honesty is the key. If you guys really love each other, then you're willing to risk and move on. Sounds hard, but it'll work out if you guys put every effort into it. Don't forget to tell him you value every second with him, since now it's harder to see each other.
 
Blyat
post Apr 8 2010, 04:04 PM
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QUOTE(Cristy @ Apr 8 2010, 03:42 PM) *
Yeah, definitely. Know where you each stand on the status of your relationship, establish the slack rules that JC mentioned, and just try your hardest to stay together.

Okie dokie cause I wasn't sure talking to him about it straight in was the way to go, but ill definetly do et, cause we're both committed together, and we both know this will be the toughest thing yet, I'm thinking talking to eachother will have us more prepared

QUOTE(Cum @ Apr 8 2010, 03:46 PM) *
awh =( group.gif
Commitment and honesty is the key. If you guys really love each other, then you're willing to risk and move on. Sounds hard, but it'll work out if you guys put every effort into it. Don't forget to tell him you value every second with him, since now it's harder to see each other.


Thankies _smile.gif

Yes, And I definetly trust him and he trusts me, sice were both shy too :'p
Ahh I know we are definelty going to be together a lot this summer
And if he goes to the private college Ill be leaving August 20th while he would be leaving on September 16th!!

I think it'll work out cause we rarely ever fight, like i think we got into one serious-ish fight 1 times only
 
Blyat
post Apr 8 2010, 04:39 PM
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Sorry for double posting but

Like the only thing that I ever get jealous of is when he talks to his pasts crushes an Ex (though I NEVER confront him with it)It sometimes just worries me cause I always fear that he will want to get back with one of them

But thats normal right?
let alone I doubt I'll have to worry about that when he is off to college but sometimes I wonder like "What if when HE is on break and gets bored and needs to chill with a girl??"
(not in a sexual way...I think)
 
tokyo-rose
post Apr 8 2010, 07:26 PM
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QUOTE(Uso @ Apr 8 2010, 05:39 PM) *
Like the only thing that I ever get jealous of is when he talks to his pasts crushes an Ex (though I NEVER confront him with it)It sometimes just worries me cause I always fear that he will want to get back with one of them

But thats normal right?
let alone I doubt I'll have to worry about that when he is off to college but sometimes I wonder like "What if when HE is on break and gets bored and needs to chill with a girl??"
(not in a sexual way...I think)

I think it's normal to worry about that from time to time, but don't let it consume you. If he wanted to get together with any of his old crushes or ex-girlfriends, he would have broken up with you for one of them, but he hasn't. If you're worried about what might happen while he's home for breaks, talk to him about it and state your insecurities regarding his friendships with those girls.
 
Tung
post Apr 8 2010, 08:17 PM
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break up with him, and be with me
 
Blyat
post Apr 8 2010, 10:09 PM
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QUOTE(Cristy @ Apr 8 2010, 08:26 PM) *
I think it's normal to worry about that from time to time, but don't let it consume you. If he wanted to get together with any of his old crushes or ex-girlfriends, he would have broken up with you for one of them, but he hasn't. If you're worried about what might happen while he's home for breaks, talk to him about it and state your insecurities regarding his friendships with those girls.


Yeah I prolly would if it really started to eat me away

QUOTE(Tung @ Apr 8 2010, 09:17 PM) *
break up with him, and be with me

haha okay...our little secret shifty.gif
 
Blyat
post Apr 12 2010, 08:45 PM
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Bump...Just in case

So I found out he is picking the college thats farthest
So we will be 8 hours apart, have different break dates except for christmas, and I leave and get out waaay earlier than he does



but our town is halfway and our best friend will be 30 minutes away from
Dan (boyfriend) and he will always be willing to drag him up here

But...I'm still worried ^^;;
 
tokyo-rose
post Apr 12 2010, 08:56 PM
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QUOTE(Uso @ Apr 12 2010, 09:45 PM) *
So I found out he is picking the college thats farthest
So we will be 8 hours apart, have different break dates except for christmas, and I leave and get out waaay earlier than he does
but our town is halfway and our best friend will be 30 minutes away from
Dan (boyfriend) and he will always be willing to drag him up here

But...I'm still worried ^^;;

Winter break is the only significant break you will have, since it's a whole month long. If your best friend is willing to drive your boyfriend to see you, then maybe he can come and stay for a weekend or longer during his spring break. Then you'll be reunited again next summer. It sucks, but you can't do much about it.
 
LittleMissSunshi...
post Apr 12 2010, 09:38 PM
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i hate long-distance relationships, i can't do it. ): i give you lots of good luck, much love! and keep it strong (: because jc, answered everything LOL. ^___^
 
Blyat
post Apr 13 2010, 06:53 PM
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QUOTE(Cristy @ Apr 12 2010, 09:56 PM) *
Winter break is the only significant break you will have, since it's a whole month long. If your best friend is willing to drive your boyfriend to see you, then maybe he can come and stay for a weekend or longer during his spring break. Then you'll be reunited again next summer. It sucks, but you can't do much about it.

yeah it does suck lol but this did help <3
Yeah his friend is also my best friend and his mum loves the both of us and has said she would be willing to drag him up here
His college though is a private college, mine isn't ^^;;

plus my mum and Dan can always bribe eachother to disneyland, since they both want to drag me there

QUOTE(LittleMissSunshine @ Apr 12 2010, 10:38 PM) *
i hate long-distance relationships, i can't do it. ): i give you lots of good luck, much love! and keep it strong (: because jc, answered everything LOL. ^___^


Keke thanks <333
Yes JC really did help a lot :D
 
AbbeyMarie
post Apr 13 2010, 06:55 PM
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I think you guys should commit suicide together. Just don't be the first to take the pill
 
Blyat
post Apr 13 2010, 07:04 PM
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Ohhh Abby :p
 
pinayprincess
post Apr 14 2010, 11:45 AM
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QUOTE(Uso @ Apr 12 2010, 09:45 PM) *
Bump...Just in case

So I found out he is picking the college thats farthest
So we will be 8 hours apart, have different break dates except for christmas, and I leave and get out waaay earlier than he does
but our town is halfway and our best friend will be 30 minutes away from
Dan (boyfriend) and he will always be willing to drag him up here

But...I'm still worried ^^;;


Okay (i didnt read any of the other posts, so i do apoligize in advance if i repeat the things they say)

I was once in your position and i am not saying that each and every situation (when in comes to a relationship like mine) will end up a happily ever after or break up, but this kind of stuff does happen. I was in complete denial that my boyfriend and I would break up during college. I thought it honestly doesnt depend on the 'statistics' of how long distant relationships do last in college or how people view the situation--how your relationship last depends on you and on him. You have to ask yourself is he really one to trust and depend on when you are 8 hours away. I know, i know thats a stupid question, but you have to really ask yourself that. of course there is skype and phone calls and what not, but the matter of having trust should be strong and whether you AND HIM, will be commited.

Unfortunately for me, i had to learn the hard way and realize that my ass of a boyfriend (now ex) was a jerk and cheated on me months before we went to college (i had made that discovery DURING college--but thats beside the point), i knew he was not ready to grow up and have a relationship with me, which didnt put a downer to my life here in college because sooner or later i met my current boyfriend who actually lives 30 mins away from my hometown (me living in the city--nyc), which isnt so bad.

As for you, i think if you and him are completely FOR each other, you hoenstly have nothing to worry about. Just have a serious talk, and although what may come out (the truth) of how either of you may feel about the situation-could help you in the long run... and who knows, you'll probably meet someone even better at your college

[SORRY FOR THE LONG ESSAY! biggrin.gif]
 
Blyat
post Apr 15 2010, 06:32 PM
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Thank you :3 I'm glad you think we will be together which helps

Yeah there was one time he told me during spring break (this year) and girl was following him, He told me he got too nervous and ran off cause she didn't want her to talk to him


Plus I made a fake email being this hot chick and hot on him. and he passed


But yeah we did talk about skype and stuff and both our parents are willing to grab us to see eachother
wont like it'll still be tough :'p
 
salcha4u
post Apr 17 2010, 06:07 AM
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QUOTE(Uso @ Apr 15 2010, 04:32 PM) *
Plus I made a fake email being this hot chick and hot on him. and he passed

Lols...if you trusted him, you wouldn't have had to "test" him you know.. I'd be pissssed if I were your bf. Also, don't expect to not fight or have bumps either, so hope you're emotionally stable and are willing to keep it together even when you're in the worst arguments. Remember to say sorries (even when it's hard) and to have Skype dates (like in Transformers) keke.
 
Blyat
post Apr 17 2010, 10:59 AM
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QUOTE(salcha4u @ Apr 17 2010, 07:07 AM) *
Lols...if you trusted him, you wouldn't have had to "test" him you know.. I'd be pissssed if I were your bf. Also, don't expect to not fight or have bumps either, so hope you're emotionally stable and are willing to keep it together even when you're in the worst arguments. Remember to say sorries (even when it's hard) and to have Skype dates (like in Transformers) keke.


Naw It was more just for fun cause I was bored, It was like a one day thing really

But yeah we're really not the hardcore fighting type either, I already know we might get into some tiff's
 
kryogenix
post Apr 17 2010, 02:28 PM
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Don't do it. He's going to go to school, get drunk, and f*ck a lot of chicks. You're going to be the whore that you are and get f*cked by a lot of drunk dudes.
 
Blyat
post Apr 18 2010, 11:15 AM
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So you came out and found my post :>
 

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