College+Long term relationship, I could use advice |
College+Long term relationship, I could use advice |
Apr 8 2010, 01:20 PM
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#1
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
So college is right around the corner for me-ish (Aug 20th)
And some of you know that I do have a boyfriend, and he will also be attending College this year but he is going to a different college. So here is my dilema, and a little bit of a backroung of me and Daniel I've known him for 8 years, and we have been best friends for 8 years, we started dating summer of senior year and we literally surprisingly complete eachother (been dating 7 months) And we both really think we will be together for a long time, like come on a kid that will play with nerf guns with me is super awesome! So back to the college situation We're neighbours currently and like 30 seconds away from eachother but now wereliterally going to be on the opposite sides of Michigan from eachother basically 5-8 hours away from eachother He also Might be going to a private college which means all his breaks are different from mine So even seeing eachother will be a lot trickier if he goes to a private college So overall, especially this being college, what is the best way to keep a long distance relationship since I'm obviously going to be new with this? Cause I really want to sty with him Advice? Sorry if this is very lengthy |
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Apr 8 2010, 01:34 PM
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#2
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I'm Jc Group: Mentor Posts: 13,619 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 437,556 |
it will probably be hard if not halfway impossible. people change like crazy in college. there is no way to predict how someone will be in college because it's a whole new environment.
my girlfriend and i couldn't make it smoothly at first and we weren't separated by distance. we were friends and together a lot longer than you and your dude too. on the flip side after a rough patch we got back together and are fine...but then again we don't have to mess with distance. point is it's going to take a ton of work and a ton of understanding between both of you. a ton. also i think 99% of couples in that position aren't willing to give each other real space, and if you are going to try to have a relationship on a leash while you are hours apart it's never going to work. imo you should set up really slack rules, and be prepared to cope with not having much control over your significant other. if you can't shrug off little issues then probably it won't work. |
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Apr 8 2010, 01:54 PM
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#3
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Thanks JC I definetly was hoping you would answer
But I totally agree with you that I will have to be slack with him And I really am usually and definetly leniant with him, like you said college is different so I'm definetly fearing that It might make me more worried about girls and stuff there But I think, or atleast hope, little things like that I will brush off and not have that come between us. I'm hoping I will be able to let him have space, but only time will tell me that right? I"m hoping during the summer I can really talk to Dan about college life like not about rules just like how we can cope and communicate with it Is that a good idea? |
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Apr 8 2010, 02:42 PM
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#4
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♡♡♡♡♡ Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
I"m hoping during the summer I can really talk to Dan about college life like not about rules just like how we can cope and communicate with it Is that a good idea? Yeah, definitely. Know where you each stand on the status of your relationship, establish the slack rules that JC mentioned, and just try your hardest to stay together. |
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Apr 8 2010, 02:46 PM
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#5
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Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 4,665 Joined: Aug 2008 Member No: 676,364 |
awh =(
Commitment and honesty is the key. If you guys really love each other, then you're willing to risk and move on. Sounds hard, but it'll work out if you guys put every effort into it. Don't forget to tell him you value every second with him, since now it's harder to see each other. |
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Apr 8 2010, 04:04 PM
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#6
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Yeah, definitely. Know where you each stand on the status of your relationship, establish the slack rules that JC mentioned, and just try your hardest to stay together. Okie dokie cause I wasn't sure talking to him about it straight in was the way to go, but ill definetly do et, cause we're both committed together, and we both know this will be the toughest thing yet, I'm thinking talking to eachother will have us more prepared awh =( Commitment and honesty is the key. If you guys really love each other, then you're willing to risk and move on. Sounds hard, but it'll work out if you guys put every effort into it. Don't forget to tell him you value every second with him, since now it's harder to see each other. Thankies Yes, And I definetly trust him and he trusts me, sice were both shy too :'p Ahh I know we are definelty going to be together a lot this summer And if he goes to the private college Ill be leaving August 20th while he would be leaving on September 16th!! I think it'll work out cause we rarely ever fight, like i think we got into one serious-ish fight 1 times only |
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Apr 8 2010, 04:39 PM
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#7
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Sorry for double posting but
Like the only thing that I ever get jealous of is when he talks to his pasts crushes an Ex (though I NEVER confront him with it)It sometimes just worries me cause I always fear that he will want to get back with one of them But thats normal right? let alone I doubt I'll have to worry about that when he is off to college but sometimes I wonder like "What if when HE is on break and gets bored and needs to chill with a girl??" (not in a sexual way...I think) |
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Apr 8 2010, 07:26 PM
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#8
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♡♡♡♡♡ Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
Like the only thing that I ever get jealous of is when he talks to his pasts crushes an Ex (though I NEVER confront him with it)It sometimes just worries me cause I always fear that he will want to get back with one of them But thats normal right? let alone I doubt I'll have to worry about that when he is off to college but sometimes I wonder like "What if when HE is on break and gets bored and needs to chill with a girl??" (not in a sexual way...I think) I think it's normal to worry about that from time to time, but don't let it consume you. If he wanted to get together with any of his old crushes or ex-girlfriends, he would have broken up with you for one of them, but he hasn't. If you're worried about what might happen while he's home for breaks, talk to him about it and state your insecurities regarding his friendships with those girls. |
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Apr 8 2010, 08:17 PM
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#9
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٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,309 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,593 |
break up with him, and be with me
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Apr 8 2010, 10:09 PM
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#10
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
I think it's normal to worry about that from time to time, but don't let it consume you. If he wanted to get together with any of his old crushes or ex-girlfriends, he would have broken up with you for one of them, but he hasn't. If you're worried about what might happen while he's home for breaks, talk to him about it and state your insecurities regarding his friendships with those girls. Yeah I prolly would if it really started to eat me away break up with him, and be with me haha okay...our little secret |
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Apr 12 2010, 08:45 PM
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#11
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Bump...Just in case
So I found out he is picking the college thats farthest So we will be 8 hours apart, have different break dates except for christmas, and I leave and get out waaay earlier than he does but our town is halfway and our best friend will be 30 minutes away from Dan (boyfriend) and he will always be willing to drag him up here But...I'm still worried ^^;; |
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Apr 12 2010, 08:56 PM
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#12
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♡♡♡♡♡ Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
So I found out he is picking the college thats farthest So we will be 8 hours apart, have different break dates except for christmas, and I leave and get out waaay earlier than he does but our town is halfway and our best friend will be 30 minutes away from Dan (boyfriend) and he will always be willing to drag him up here But...I'm still worried ^^;; Winter break is the only significant break you will have, since it's a whole month long. If your best friend is willing to drive your boyfriend to see you, then maybe he can come and stay for a weekend or longer during his spring break. Then you'll be reunited again next summer. It sucks, but you can't do much about it. |
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Apr 12 2010, 09:38 PM
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#13
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rawr? Group: Official Member Posts: 2,705 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 285,858 |
i hate long-distance relationships, i can't do it. ): i give you lots of good luck, much love! and keep it strong (: because jc, answered everything LOL. ^___^
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Apr 13 2010, 06:53 PM
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#14
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Winter break is the only significant break you will have, since it's a whole month long. If your best friend is willing to drive your boyfriend to see you, then maybe he can come and stay for a weekend or longer during his spring break. Then you'll be reunited again next summer. It sucks, but you can't do much about it. yeah it does suck lol but this did help <3 Yeah his friend is also my best friend and his mum loves the both of us and has said she would be willing to drag him up here His college though is a private college, mine isn't ^^;; plus my mum and Dan can always bribe eachother to disneyland, since they both want to drag me there i hate long-distance relationships, i can't do it. ): i give you lots of good luck, much love! and keep it strong (: because jc, answered everything LOL. ^___^ Keke thanks <333 Yes JC really did help a lot :D |
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Apr 13 2010, 06:55 PM
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#15
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Sex, Blood, & RocknRoll Group: People Staff Posts: 5,305 Joined: Nov 2007 Member No: 596,480 |
I think you guys should commit suicide together. Just don't be the first to take the pill
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Apr 13 2010, 07:04 PM
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#16
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Ohhh Abby :p
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Apr 14 2010, 11:45 AM
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#17
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,220 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 81,808 |
Bump...Just in case So I found out he is picking the college thats farthest So we will be 8 hours apart, have different break dates except for christmas, and I leave and get out waaay earlier than he does but our town is halfway and our best friend will be 30 minutes away from Dan (boyfriend) and he will always be willing to drag him up here But...I'm still worried ^^;; Okay (i didnt read any of the other posts, so i do apoligize in advance if i repeat the things they say) I was once in your position and i am not saying that each and every situation (when in comes to a relationship like mine) will end up a happily ever after or break up, but this kind of stuff does happen. I was in complete denial that my boyfriend and I would break up during college. I thought it honestly doesnt depend on the 'statistics' of how long distant relationships do last in college or how people view the situation--how your relationship last depends on you and on him. You have to ask yourself is he really one to trust and depend on when you are 8 hours away. I know, i know thats a stupid question, but you have to really ask yourself that. of course there is skype and phone calls and what not, but the matter of having trust should be strong and whether you AND HIM, will be commited. Unfortunately for me, i had to learn the hard way and realize that my ass of a boyfriend (now ex) was a jerk and cheated on me months before we went to college (i had made that discovery DURING college--but thats beside the point), i knew he was not ready to grow up and have a relationship with me, which didnt put a downer to my life here in college because sooner or later i met my current boyfriend who actually lives 30 mins away from my hometown (me living in the city--nyc), which isnt so bad. As for you, i think if you and him are completely FOR each other, you hoenstly have nothing to worry about. Just have a serious talk, and although what may come out (the truth) of how either of you may feel about the situation-could help you in the long run... and who knows, you'll probably meet someone even better at your college [SORRY FOR THE LONG ESSAY! ] |
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Apr 15 2010, 06:32 PM
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#18
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Thank you :3 I'm glad you think we will be together which helps
Yeah there was one time he told me during spring break (this year) and girl was following him, He told me he got too nervous and ran off cause she didn't want her to talk to him Plus I made a fake email being this hot chick and hot on him. and he passed But yeah we did talk about skype and stuff and both our parents are willing to grab us to see eachother wont like it'll still be tough :'p |
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Apr 17 2010, 06:07 AM
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#19
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٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Group: Official Member Posts: 1,403 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 12,173 |
Plus I made a fake email being this hot chick and hot on him. and he passed Lols...if you trusted him, you wouldn't have had to "test" him you know.. I'd be pissssed if I were your bf. Also, don't expect to not fight or have bumps either, so hope you're emotionally stable and are willing to keep it together even when you're in the worst arguments. Remember to say sorries (even when it's hard) and to have Skype dates (like in Transformers) keke. |
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Apr 17 2010, 10:59 AM
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#20
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
Lols...if you trusted him, you wouldn't have had to "test" him you know.. I'd be pissssed if I were your bf. Also, don't expect to not fight or have bumps either, so hope you're emotionally stable and are willing to keep it together even when you're in the worst arguments. Remember to say sorries (even when it's hard) and to have Skype dates (like in Transformers) keke. Naw It was more just for fun cause I was bored, It was like a one day thing really But yeah we're really not the hardcore fighting type either, I already know we might get into some tiff's |
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Apr 17 2010, 02:28 PM
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#21
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Sarcastic Mr. Know-It-All Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,089 Joined: Dec 2003 Member No: 29 |
Don't do it. He's going to go to school, get drunk, and f*ck a lot of chicks. You're going to be the whore that you are and get f*cked by a lot of drunk dudes.
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Apr 18 2010, 11:15 AM
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#22
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 1,938 Joined: Jul 2008 Member No: 667,832 |
So you came out and found my post :>
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