sigh that spelled your name . |
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 Jul 16 2005, 01:25 AM
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#1
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Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682  |
from her raspy throat escaped a heavy sigh,
that spelled your name as it rose into the sky . and her lips dripped with want, making puddles of despair, her fingers longed for touch, caress of flesh, or stroke of hair . her eyes told tales of sadness, those uncapable of reason, and her tears rolled trails of crimson, as if her soul was bleeding . her heart sang songs of disappointment, of loss and hardened love, and her smile was just as fake as the stars shining up above . you knew that she was lost, by the way her feet danced, her voice kept reaching out, calling your name at every chance, but your stubborn ear refused to listen, as you turned your back on her, you failed to understand the meaning when you had told her " forever " . |
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Jul 16 2005, 05:41 PM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Omg, this is amazing. More people should've commented on this.
'her eyes told tales of sadness, those uncapable of reason, and her tears rolled trails of crimson, as if her soul was bleeding .' Reason and bleeding don't seem to rhyme, but those still were my favorite lines in the whole poem. The imagery and emotion are amazing. You are an awesome writer. |
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Jul 20 2005, 09:23 PM
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#3
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
ahh!! WHY HAVEN"T MORE PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS!! lol.
That poem was amazing...so realistic, so much depth and truth.i loved it. I loved the ending..." but your stubborn ear refused to listen, as you turned your back on her, you failed to understand the meaning when you had told her " forever " . ^that was amazing..I loved ur choice of words and how the poem flowed. I'd give a 10/10 on this one :) |
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| *stephinika* |
Jul 20 2005, 09:30 PM
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#4
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wow. this really is amazing. i love it. your words are well chosen and it all flows so very nicely...beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
keep up the amazing work. 
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Jul 20 2005, 09:37 PM
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#5
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 No Day But Today. Group: Member Posts: 1,405 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 99,184 |
That poem is incredible! I'm trying to find my favorite line but I can't because it's all so good!
"her heart sang songs of disappointment, of loss and hardened love, and her smile was just as fake as the stars shining up above . you knew that she was lost, by the way her feet danced," Those are my favorite lines. Just the way it flowed and the simile "her smile was as fake as the stars shining up above" is wonderful! I LOVED it! 10/10 |
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Jul 21 2005, 04:44 PM
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#6
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 Residential Crazy Child Group: Member Posts: 934 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 116,897 |
Only 4 people commented?????? Gawsh-anyway, this was so beautiful. I love your style. I don't think I could pick a favorite line.
10/10 most definitly. |
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Jul 23 2005, 06:54 PM
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#7
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 reluctantly gazing Group: Member Posts: 472 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 120,555 |
That was really good! I'm not a huge fan of rhyming, but it was still good.
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