Regulating Unhealthy Lifestyles? |
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 May 16 2004, 06:39 PM
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#1
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 Dark Lord of McCandless  Group: Member Posts: 2,226 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,761  |
We, as a nation, should ban the production, consumption, distribution, and transportation of bread. The powers of the Almighty that have blessed us with the extralegal right to regulate drugs, fast food, etc., must extend herein:
REASONS TO BAN BREAD: - More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users. - Fully HALF of all children who grew up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests. - In the 18th century, where virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were exceptionally high; many women died in childbirth and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. - More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. - Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month. - Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s Disease, Parkinson’s Disease as well as osteoporosis. - Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread in as little as two days. - Newborn babies can choke on bread. - Bread is baked in temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute - Bread has proven to absorb water. Since the human body is 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread pudding person. - Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babble. So... who is with me? |
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May 16 2004, 06:43 PM
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#2
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 hi. call me linda. Group: Official Member Posts: 8,187 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,475 |
man, are you serious? anyways, i'm not with you- i love eating bread.
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May 16 2004, 06:45 PM
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#3
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Dark Lord of McCandless Group: Member Posts: 2,226 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,761 |
[Post deleted by original poster -- No idea how to actually delete, any help please?]
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May 16 2004, 07:19 PM
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#4
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 Master Debater Group: Member Posts: 1,066 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,719 |
good one,lol. I say man has always had bread and it'll forever act as a default handicap, no regulation needed. and it's tasty.
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| *Kathleen* |
May 16 2004, 08:27 PM
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#5
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Guest |
Pft...of course we should ban bread! All hail Minda!
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May 16 2004, 08:34 PM
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#6
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Dark Lord of McCandless Group: Member Posts: 2,226 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,761 |
QUOTE(Kathleen @ May 16 2004, 8:27 PM) Pft...of course we should ban bread! All hail Minda! lol... |
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May 16 2004, 09:11 PM
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#7
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 Quand j'étais jeune... Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 6,826 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,272 |
I like bread... where would we be without subway sandwiches, McDs, and other great sandwhich-y foods.
Croissants are a type of bread... they're good too. Well, the carbs do bother me.. but food is food! edit... and doughnuts too.. i think |
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May 18 2004, 03:36 PM
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#8
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 rookie Group: Member Posts: 723 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 2,291 |
Shouldn't this be posted in the "humor" section?
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| *AngelicEyz00* |
May 18 2004, 03:38 PM
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#9
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QUOTE(Kathleen @ May 16 2004, 6:27 PM) Pft...of course we should ban bread! All hail Minda! You're being sarcastic, right?? Well, I really don't see why it should be banned... Let's ban water while we're at it |
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May 18 2004, 03:58 PM
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#10
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rookie Group: Member Posts: 723 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 2,291 |
People, if you read all the reasons PROPERLY that are given for banning bread, they're plain bullsh*t. Like this one:
- Bread is baked in temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute Think about it. Stupid right? But kinda funny. So this belongs in the humor section |
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May 18 2004, 04:06 PM
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#11
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 3,565, you n00bs ain't got nothin' on me. Group: Official Member Posts: 3,761 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,565 |
Wasn't bread the food called manna or something that fell down for Moses and Company?
Sorry, I'm not very religious. |
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May 18 2004, 07:27 PM
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#12
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 createblog.com Group: Member Posts: 1,127 Joined: Dec 2003 Member No: 13 |
QUOTE(ComradeRed @ May 16 2004, 6:39 PM) - Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread in as little as two days. - Bread has proven to absorb water. Since the human body is 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread pudding person. - Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babble. Lol, I like these three! 
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May 18 2004, 10:38 PM
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#13
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,795 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,421 |
LOL this is great
Question.. did you actually find the statistics or did you make them up? |
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