Repulsivly Idiotic |
 Jan 29 2005, 08:50 PM
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#1
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 Canadian Boyfriend, I think it's time  Group: Member Posts: 450 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 40,705  |
It's an idiotic situation
And your an idiot on your own You won't listen to a word I say Rejected the facts I've shown And she isn't right for you Trust me, it is true I've told you many times before But all I want to see Is you being happy Even though you deserve much more It's a repulsive matter And she's repulsive all the time Not as innocent as she seems She is completely guilty of her crime And she isn't right for you Trust me, it is true I've told you many times before But all I want to see Is you being happy Even though you deserve much more Its an idiotic situation Impossible to make an implementation A completely repulsive matter Reality waiting for the disaster And she isn't right for you Trust me, it is true I've told you many times before But all I want to see Is you being happy Even though you deserve much more Comments and constructive criticism wanted and needed. ^^ |
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Jan 29 2005, 10:34 PM
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#2
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 Crying Behind Blind Eyes Group: Member Posts: 257 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 7,967 |
This is sweet. I really like it...It makes me sad, though. I know what it's like...
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Jan 30 2005, 12:35 AM
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#3
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 i am a liar Group: Member Posts: 69 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 77,216 |
the rhyming is quite nice; it doesn't seem obviously thought out (which is good).
one thing that really bugs me when it comes to writing is the you're/your thing...but that's minor. i liked the line QUOTE Reality waiting for the disaster but the entire thing is really good.nice work! |
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Jan 30 2005, 09:32 AM
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#4
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Canadian Boyfriend, I think it's time Group: Member Posts: 450 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 40,705 |
QUOTE(xtransatlanticismx @ Jan 30 2005, 12:35 AM) the rhyming is quite nice; it doesn't seem obviously thought out (which is good). one thing that really bugs me when it comes to writing is the you're/your thing...but that's minor. i liked the line but the entire thing is really good. nice work!  Oh, I never really noticed that. I'll change it when I get the time. And thanks you guys. 
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Jan 30 2005, 12:08 PM
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#5
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 dizzy me up. Group: Member Posts: 3,191 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 11,139 |
aww its really good. i loved the whole thing :]
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Jan 30 2005, 01:29 PM
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#6
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Canadian Boyfriend, I think it's time Group: Member Posts: 450 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 40,705 |
QUOTE(sheepy @ Jan 30 2005, 12:08 PM) aww its really good. i loved the whole thing :] Thank you
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| *stephinika* |
Jan 30 2005, 08:16 PM
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#7
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Guest |
very nicely written. i like it. keep up the good work
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| *stephinika* |
Jan 30 2005, 08:17 PM
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#8
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Guest |
//edit// ahh double post...my bad.
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Jan 30 2005, 08:33 PM
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#9
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 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 4,799 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 37,450 |
Aw. I really like it. Good job =]]
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Jan 31 2005, 03:53 PM
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#10
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 LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
i've lived through that many a times. i like it!
i'd change "Impossible to make an implementation" to somthing like " the impossibilty of implememtation". |
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