You, a sweet/sad little poem |
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 Jan 9 2005, 05:04 PM
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#1
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Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 297 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 63,338  |
You
When my world was charcoaled black, You gave me inspiration to get on track, The conforting words you talked me through, I guess I believed that they were true, The powers you have to make me smile, But the happiness... it's been a while, Looking at you, seeing your soft warm eyes, How they've changed, now all I see are lies, The ways you've hurt me, like you don't care, The goodness I got out of you, the things I bear, You don't know how much I've lost, You said you'd do anything, no matter the cost, But now I know, my life is so low, I've tried to be strong, tried to free myself of woe, But for some reason I can't, I've forgotten your faithful chant, It's so clear now, there's nothing I can do, All I ever needed... was you. Okay, so it's not great... but what do you expect from a 12 year old? |
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Jan 10 2005, 01:22 AM
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#2
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 LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
i like it. easy to relate to. keep up the good work.
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Jan 11 2005, 05:54 PM
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#3
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
Ooh. Pretty good!
I like it.  Nice job. [= |
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Jan 11 2005, 06:56 PM
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#4
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 i'm susan Group: Official Member Posts: 13,875 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,029 |
wow your 12 years old...hehe nice for a 12 year old hehe. This sounds like when I was trying to commit suicide and my best friend, Justin came along and give me these advices on not to do this. Like it's not my best choice. But yeah great job!
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Jan 17 2005, 01:16 AM
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#5
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 42 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,705 |
GOOD POTENTiAL HAWMiE
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Jan 17 2005, 03:27 AM
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#6
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 High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
That's so deep I love it
 
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Jan 17 2005, 03:40 AM
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#7
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 Taste Sweet Love ^-^ Group: Member Posts: 459 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 66,316 |
nice :]
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Jan 18 2005, 04:19 PM
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#8
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 i am a liar Group: Member Posts: 69 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 77,216 |
hey! i'm twelve years old too!
it's pretty good. but i usually don't like rhyming poetry because it always sounds like the writer tries too hard to make it rhyme and gives it a sense of unnaturalness(ifthat'saword). |
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Feb 4 2005, 08:00 PM
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#9
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 dizzy me up. Group: Member Posts: 3,191 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 11,139 |
wow you're 12? that's awesome girl. i love it so meaningful!
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