girl found dead, as mensioned in "i'm insane" |
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 Jun 16 2004, 12:31 AM
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#1
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 LunchboxXx  Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810  |
GIRL FOUND DEAD
This morning on the edge of town A beautiful female corpse was found She was ivory skinned with a tint of blue For the weather’s cold with days anew Her hair was cut to shoulder blades A reddish brown, lip color fades Her eyelids hid pupils of green A given for the departed queen She wore a nightgown, smooth and silk Her breasts held fat, too young for milk She lay, askew, on freeway side A goddess not dead or alive Her face was to quiet for repulsion It gave me no need for propulsion But, instead, it drew me nearer It felt all right. It felt not queer I retract her from the soil brown And move her from the edge of town And take her back, into my home From now on I’ll never be alone All the living hate me And so I love the dead But can the dead ever love me? In the bed room, I lay awake My heart for this dead girl to take Her serene façade puts me in bliss I feel such warmth with her frozen kiss I hold her close, in my arms tight No warm blood could bring such delight Her lack-there-of just steals my breath As we embrace in love, in death All the living hate me And so I love the dead But can the dead ever love me? My final thought: my saving grace I can’t stay with her in this place She beat me to our destiny I see her waiting there for me Her teeth light paths to cemetery gate My arm: the wrist to lacerate As we feast on each other’s blood Forever, deep in death and love All the living hated me And so I loved the dead It’s clear the dead also love me. (pg 13 version) |
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Jun 16 2004, 12:34 AM
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#2
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 125 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,140 |
cool that was awsome keep it up
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Jun 16 2004, 04:38 AM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 3,077 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,904 |
Wow... Your work has always made me speechless and sent me into a deep thought. Good job man...
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Jun 16 2004, 06:44 AM
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#4
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 Afflicted: Hurt. Group: Member Posts: 443 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,295 |
Wow. That made me think. I really was ingulfed in it. A tear shed. Ok well almost did.
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Jun 16 2004, 12:15 PM
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#5
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
you're pullin my leg.
i'm not THAT good. am i? |
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Jun 16 2004, 12:21 PM
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#6
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 old school member Group: Member Posts: 1,796 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 843 |
 Yeah you are that good. ADMIT IT! Hey, PM me the non PG13 version okay?
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Jun 16 2004, 12:29 PM
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#7
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 ÖÐÎÄÈí¼þ Group: Member Posts: 2,072 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,655 |
Wow, that's awesome! Really deep and eerie.
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Jun 16 2004, 02:43 PM
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#8
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 x mar muffins *yuuuum Group: Member Posts: 874 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,620 |
wow, you got a great talent for writing. but wow, that made me look deeper into myself, makes me think. death.. i dont even want to think about it. but great job, keep it coming
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| *Kathleen* |
Jun 16 2004, 03:08 PM
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#9
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Guest |
Good job, Lunchbox.
As for the rated-R version, could you PM it to me or send it to me via AIM? 
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Jun 19 2004, 12:39 AM
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#10
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
i wanna thank all you guys. you're giving me such motivation to keep writing. i love ya!
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Jun 19 2004, 01:45 AM
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#11
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 3,077 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,904 |
You really are talented at this! Keep it up! I am loving all your writing!
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Jun 19 2004, 02:35 PM
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#12
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 214 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 14,404 |
...odd...but i want the other version! good job
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Jun 20 2004, 10:56 PM
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#13
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 521 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 12,812 |
that was awesome.
it captivated my interest.
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Jan 12 2005, 01:45 AM
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#14
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
I'm aware that this is an old topic.. but just.. whoa.
Yeah. O_o I'm just speechless. It was that great. Just.. whoa. Excellent job, as always. |
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| *wind&fire* |
Jan 12 2005, 06:26 PM
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#15
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Guest |
nearer and queer dont really rhyme...
good decription tho! |
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| *tyedyefroggy* |
Jan 12 2005, 08:34 PM
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#16
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Guest |
Old or not its an awesome topic
It really caught me by surprise, wonderful job. |
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Jan 12 2005, 11:56 PM
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#17
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 The Bone Collector Group: Member Posts: 2,860 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 44,162 |
Wow. Really really good. It gives me a vivid image in my head, but a nice one, not a ugly corpse. This time, not even the rhyming bothered me! =D
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| *stephinika* |
Jan 16 2005, 04:27 PM
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#18
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wow this is great...very emotional. contains very good imagery as well.
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Jan 19 2005, 11:04 AM
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#19
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 ... Group: Member Posts: 818 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 32,366 |
damn this is amazing! i love it, so dark. can you pm the non pg13 version to me?
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Jan 19 2005, 11:06 AM
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#20
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 i'm lala. girly girl. Group: Member Posts: 1,531 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 31,888 |
woah that's deep, but i like it...
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Jan 25 2005, 05:23 PM
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#21
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 Member Group: Member Posts: 24 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 88,419 |
QUOTE you're pullin my leg. i'm not THAT good. am i? YES, you are that good! and i was lookin at your profile earlier, we have a lot in common... instant message me sometime, my sn is letshurtsomeone. Meg |
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Jan 25 2005, 07:32 PM
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#22
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 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,025 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,051 |
I am in awe. Great job. Can you pm me the other version?
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Jan 25 2005, 07:40 PM
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#23
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LunchboxXx Group: Member Posts: 1,789 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,810 |
"I am in awe. Great job. Can you pm me the other version? "
no, actually. i deleted it. sorry. |
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