Two poems, Disappear & Goobye. |
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 Jan 10 2005, 10:14 PM
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#1
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 High Voltage!∞  Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157  |
this is what I was feeling like today in school..i wrote it during math class
 when I shouldn't of...but, hey i had to let my feelings out right?Disappear Dark,mischevious clouds over the sun, My happy thoughts disappear one by one, Rain drops fall from the sky, With each one, me wanting to fly high,higher,higher Wanting to get out of this place, Me just wanting to be safe Just wanting to go away, So I can say whatever I want to say Away from all the cheats and liars, Me,innocent, like a baby with a pacifier Just like the rain, tears start to fall from my face, I want to disappear but that's just not the case this is actually homework..it had to be a goodbye poem: Goodbye. Goobye my dear friend, I'll always remember you, All the things you use to do, All the things you use to say, How you would make my day. Now you have to go and leave But the memory of you will never cease, I hope to see you again one day, Untill then all that I can say.. ..is goodbye. |
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Jan 11 2005, 05:56 PM
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#2
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
I like the first one a lot.
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Jan 11 2005, 06:50 PM
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#3
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 i'm susan Group: Official Member Posts: 13,875 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,029 |
I love the first one better because I always think that way sometimes. Like I want to disappear and come back later when I want to.
But anyways your 2nd poem. It's similar to one of my friend's poem. You actually wrote the exact words as she did. I'm not saying you copied it from my friend, but yeah. I know she didn't copy that from you because her poem is in the newspaper at her state. And she wrote it last year =D |
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Jan 12 2005, 09:23 PM
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#4
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High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
QUOTE(angel_roh @ Jan 11 2005, 3:50 PM) I love the first one better because I always think that way sometimes. Like I want to disappear and come back later when I want to. But anyways your 2nd poem. It's similar to one of my friend's poem. You actually wrote the exact words as she did. I'm not saying you copied it from my friend, but yeah. I know she didn't copy that from you because her poem is in the newspaper at her state. And she wrote it last year =D  oh wow, haha weird but anyways, thanks guys 
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Jan 12 2005, 11:46 PM
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#5
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 The Bone Collector Group: Member Posts: 2,860 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 44,162 |
The goodbye one is pretty good, but the first one, seems like you try to hard on the rhyming. It would come out cheesy if you rhyme like, baby with a pacifier. Good job though! I really like the concept and effort!
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Jan 17 2005, 03:43 AM
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#6
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 Taste Sweet Love ^-^ Group: Member Posts: 459 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 66,316 |
hello sha :] . o0o lol you read your goodbye poem in class . ! anyways it`s NICE :]
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