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 Dec 23 2004, 03:07 PM
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#1
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Eternal Syn  Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000  |
Every night you’re in my mind
And as I close my eyes and begin to dream You’re all that I can see time after time Every moment I dream, I remember your eye’s gleam Every morning I wake up relishing my stargaze I wake up tired from talking to you all night long As everyday passes by the love I saw, blazed Every morning I wake up knowing where I belong Every day I stare into your longing eyes And as our lips lock into place I feel as if I in the skies Every day we always leave in a somber embrace… |
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| *not_your_average* |
Dec 23 2004, 04:29 PM
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#2
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Guest |
It's got a nice theme, but the rhythym is kinda off. I like the depth and originality. The rhyming is nice, too.
QUOTE Every morning I wake up relishing my stargaze I didn't quite understand that line... It's very nice, though. I'm not trying to be mean, just giving constructive crticism. |
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Dec 23 2004, 08:11 PM
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#3
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Stargaze is a synonym for dream and that's how the rhyme is supposed to be.
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Dec 24 2004, 12:08 PM
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#4
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 my <3 is in Ohio Group: Member Posts: 899 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,599 |
well i think it's good. i like the theme of it
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Dec 24 2004, 06:52 PM
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#5
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Well thank you smthngcrprategrl34
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