prescence, within |
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 Dec 11 2004, 08:44 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 893 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 68,217  |
The poem's in my signature, but I'm posting it anyway...what do you think?
I'm the shadow from the corner of your eye The voice that hisses through your head The cold that invades your veins The shiver in the skin you'll never shed Sometimes, you'll perceive a whisper No one else can hear Or mayhap see a silhouette That only you shall fear There'll always be a fragile wind To play around your throat There'll always be a poisoned haze That around your eye shall float. The fact is, I'll be here forever Within your very heart Eating away at your frightened soul And tearing your mind apart. |
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| *Kathleen* |
Dec 13 2004, 05:27 PM
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#2
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Ooh dark and gloomy. Just how I like 'em. It matches your banner so well.
 I love it. *High five*
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Dec 15 2004, 02:12 PM
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#3
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 i'm susan Group: Official Member Posts: 13,875 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,029 |
^ like kathleen say. "dark and gloomy" the last verse sounds scary but this poem reminded me of "always" by blink 182 lol. im not saying you copied it just reminds me
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Dec 16 2004, 06:08 PM
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#4
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 893 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 68,217 |
Thank you!
 But just so you know, I've never heard that song "Always" by blink 182...
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Dec 18 2004, 07:51 PM
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#5
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 my <3 is in Ohio Group: Member Posts: 899 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,599 |
awesomeness. it's dark and gloomyish...i like it
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Dec 18 2004, 11:39 PM
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#6
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 Canadian Boyfriend, I think it's time Group: Member Posts: 450 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 40,705 |
Wow. I really really like that. Very VERY good job.
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Dec 21 2004, 12:52 AM
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#7
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 893 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 68,217 |
Thank you!
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Dec 21 2004, 03:17 AM
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#8
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 Bardic Nation Group: Member Posts: 1,113 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,059 |
sounds like a whispered lie to keep one hopeless. Like it has control of you. well remember the past is past and regrets should never last longer than their consequence.
1-10 i give it a 5 It just didn't speak to me. I mean yeah it's well written, but a poem needs to be more than that. good job. |
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