acoustic misery |
 Dec 18 2004, 01:54 AM
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#1
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 oh sweet pestilence  Group: Member Posts: 2,251 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,876  |
Here's a song i wrote (sorry it's so long)
 Please tell me what you think, your comments are greatly appreciated:You open your lungs and scream at me and you're my new acoustic misery you can never change what you've done i'm gonna pull the trigger on this gun help me get me out everything you say is a lie just gonna shut the door & say goodbye you sound like an acoustic misery everytime you try to please me you open your mouth & scream and sound like a misery to me the photography in my mind comes out of focus when you call my name all i see are the negatives in black & white, that's how they came into the photo album in my head my judgement was impared thinking you were dead this delusion brought me to the conclusion that you're my new acoustic misery the paraphenalia scattered within the walls of this shattered misery that plays over in my mind like a scratched cd broken record im distracted from sleep strayed away from this deep slumber when you call my name the misery comes over and over scratched cd broken record it's like you've left your acoustic guitar out in the rain like someone left behind the sun has passed and her comes the rain again enduring like horses in the wind you're my acoustic misery the strings have broken from your mended hands and you've left me you open your lungs and scream at me and you're my new acoustic misery you can never change what you've done i'm gonna pull the trigger on this gun help me get me out out of your misery out |
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Dec 18 2004, 11:38 AM
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#2
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
hmm i think its good =D
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Dec 18 2004, 12:18 PM
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#3
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 i'm susan Group: Official Member Posts: 13,875 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,029 |
sounds like a sad lyric.. i liked how you mentioned the scratched cd part...hehe btw if you want to sound it like a lyric, why dont you enter few paragraphs and not scattered into a straight line heh... but nice lyric. it was good^^
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Dec 18 2004, 07:52 PM
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#4
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 my <3 is in Ohio Group: Member Posts: 899 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,599 |
that's really good!!!
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Dec 19 2004, 12:41 AM
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#5
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oh sweet pestilence Group: Member Posts: 2,251 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,876 |
thanks for your comments guys! =]
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Dec 20 2004, 06:42 AM
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#6
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 High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
i love it!! great job
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Dec 20 2004, 11:07 AM
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#7
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 This bitch better work! Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 13,681 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 28,095 |
i like it when it rhymes. you are very talented. especially if you can make one that long and stay on topic! great job.
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Dec 21 2004, 03:39 AM
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#8
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 Bardic Nation Group: Member Posts: 1,113 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 38,059 |
you had a good thing going with the title, acoustic misery. well i just think that maybe if you stayed with that theme. but it's art, i mean im not a fan of the picasso's blue period but that doesn't change the price. you probably should've gone with seperated stanza's and got out some synonyms. get deeper.
from 1-10 i give it a 4 Needs work. |
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| *tyedyefroggy* |
Dec 22 2004, 11:54 AM
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#9
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Guest |
I love the whole idea of running with acoustic misery, its really felt...ya know? heh, well I give it a 9 out of 10. Awesome job.
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Dec 23 2004, 02:39 AM
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#10
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oh sweet pestilence Group: Member Posts: 2,251 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,876 |
Aw thank you. By the way, i felt like not making it into seperate stanza's...simply because thats the way it came out on paper.
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Dec 24 2004, 02:37 AM
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#11
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Brie Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 10,172 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 20,548 |
I loves it. :D
Good job! :] |
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