dirty jokes, haha |
Humor Forum Rules
Please respect our community and follow the rules. There are many types of humor so we can do without those that aim to hurt/offend individuals and groups of people alike.
The community guidelines are addressed to ALL forums, which means the humor forum is undoubtedly included. However, we stress that these rules are especially observed in this forum:
NO OBSCENITY
This includes, but is not limited to excessive swearing, flaming, posting of pornographic images Racism, Homophobic, sexist remarks or bigotry of any sort.
PICTURES: No nudity of any type is allowed on the boards.
NO DUPLICATE TOPICS
If a topic exists a couple of pages away covering the same issues then the new one will be deleted or merged. Look through the pages to see if it has already been posted, if not then it should be okay to post.
Please do not violate the guidelines. It is here for a reason and is not to be ignored.
Thank you.
  |
 Nov 15 2004, 12:21 PM
Post
#1
|
|
 .::sweet on you::.  Group: Member Posts: 509 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 34,753  |
1) A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She seductively replies, "If your d**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221." 2) Police arrested Tim Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm on Halloween. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Tuesday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'" 3) A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!" well yeah...that's all I know off the top of my head...but submit your own...and leave comments...or questions |
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 12:25 PM
Post
#2
|
|
 Call me Emily <33. Group: Member Posts: 713 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,579 |
Should this be moved to 'humor'?
I didn't really find any of them funny. 
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 12:27 PM
Post
#3
|
|
|
.::sweet on you::. Group: Member Posts: 509 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 34,753 |
QUOTE(emrzz09 @ Nov 15 2004, 12:25 PM) Should this be moved to 'humor'? I didn't really find any of them funny. you didn't have to
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 11:15 PM
Post
#4
|
|
 i wanna hug <3 Group: Member Posts: 103 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 62,811 |
ahha...i like the 1st one and the 3rd one....they're uhh....INTERESTING ahha..
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 11:19 PM
Post
#5
|
|
 High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
lmao how funny
 hm..but yeah, I think this should be in Humor...but o wells
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 11:25 PM
Post
#6
|
|
 I'm not mean; You're just a sissy. Group: Member Posts: 796 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,520 |
i think theyre hilarious! lol! what can i say? i have a weird sense of humor
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 11:29 PM
Post
#7
|
|
 I like it like that Group: Member Posts: 1,248 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 5,961 |
I heard all of them, but yea... I like the 1st one the best.
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 15 2004, 11:48 PM
Post
#8
|
|
 BANNED Group: Member Posts: 2,419 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 14,387 |
3rd one is my favourite.
|
|
|
|
| *krnxswat* |
Nov 15 2004, 11:52 PM
Post
#9
|
|
Guest |
What are you talking about.. you only posted three jokes.
 Haha, get it? Man, I crack myself up. |
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 12:21 AM
Post
#10
|
|
 skaters gonna skate. Group: Official Member Posts: 6,861 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 6,336 |
hah number 3
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 12:24 AM
Post
#11
|
|
|
High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
QUOTE(krnxswat @ Nov 15 2004, 8:52 PM) What are you talking about.. you only posted three jokes. yeah, and to make it really easy for you, it said jokes note the s  and FYI, 3 is more than one lol..maybe I'm not understanding you...I've been ditsy lately 
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 12:28 AM
Post
#12
|
|
 that heaven is overrated Group: Member Posts: 5,096 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 53,124 |
Lol, I really liked the third one.
Ahem, yeah, this should be in the humor section.
|
|
|
|
| *krnxswat* |
Nov 16 2004, 12:37 AM
Post
#13
|
|
Guest |
QUOTE(xSWEETxCANDiix @ Nov 16 2004, 12:24 AM) yeah, and to make it really easy for you, it said jokes note the s and FYI, 3 is more than one lol..maybe I'm not understanding you...I've been ditsy lately What are you talking about. I said that because, dirty sounds like thirty. Sorry, maybe this is too much for you. |
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 01:38 AM
Post
#14
|
|
|
High Voltage!∞ Group: Official Member Posts: 4,728 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,157 |
ooh hahahhaa
...too much for me? hrrm....  I don't think so  I've heard dirtier things than those jokes
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 01:47 AM
Post
#15
|
|
 your sweetest sin. Group: Member Posts: 416 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,960 |
i have one but its not rli .. dirty.. wtevvvv..
Lil mary goes to sunday school every week, but she's always sleeping through it. Lil tom sits behind lil mary. on the first week, the teacher asked, "who created us?.. mary?" lil tom pokes mary in the back to wake her up, and she screams, "GOD!" (yooh noe.. wen ure annoyed.. yooh scream god... yea..) then, on the second week, the teacher goes, "who was crucified on the cross? ... mary??" once again, lil tom pokes her in the back to wake her up, and mary screams, "JESUS!" then on the third week, the teacher asks, "what did eve say to adam after their seventh child?.. mary??" nd once again, lil tom pokes mary in the back. this time, mary turns around and screams, "if yooh stick that thing in me one more time, i SWEAR ill break it off!!!!!" yeah |
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 02:57 AM
Post
#16
|
|
|
BANNED Group: Member Posts: 2,419 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 14,387 |
^^ That was pretty funny. lol
|
|
|
|
| *wind&fire* |
Nov 16 2004, 04:12 AM
Post
#17
|
|
Guest |
ahaha i like number 4.....
wrong forum.... |
|
|
|
|
Nov 16 2004, 06:57 AM
Post
#18
|
|
 because i'm worth it Group: Member Posts: 990 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,643 |
QUOTE(happygoluckyng @ Nov 15 2004, 12:21 PM) 1) A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She seductively replies, "If your d**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221." 2) Police arrested Tim Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm on Halloween. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Tuesday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'" 3) A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!" well yeah...that's all I know off the top of my head...but submit your own...and leave comments...or questions i found all of those funny. lmao. good ones (: |
|
|
|
|
Nov 23 2004, 10:29 PM
Post
#19
|
|
|
Mad Rooney Group: Member Posts: 365 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 53,418 |
hahaa naughty... no.1 is the best... short and humurous
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 23 2004, 10:30 PM
Post
#20
|
|
 i've never wanted anything rationale. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,449 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 19,045 |
HUMOR SECTION STUPPPPID
|
|
|
|
| *jooleeah* |
Nov 23 2004, 11:26 PM
Post
#21
|
|
Guest |
Number three was funny =D
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 23 2004, 11:35 PM
Post
#22
|
|
 ...and this is me.. Group: Member Posts: 3,518 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 57,899 |
lol. lmao.
i needed this laugh. =)
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 24 2004, 09:16 AM
Post
#23
|
|
|
Member Group: Member Posts: 26 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,446 |
QUOTE(houjin_himo @ Nov 15 2004, 11:15 PM) ahha...i like the 1st one and the 3rd one....they're uhh....INTERESTING ahha.. me too i think both of them r funny |
|
|
|
|
Nov 24 2004, 12:33 PM
Post
#24
|
|
 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,688 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 11,733 |
QUOTE(audory @ Nov 16 2004, 1:47 AM) i have one but its not rli .. dirty.. wtevvvv.. Lil mary goes to sunday school every week, but she's always sleeping through it. Lil tom sits behind lil mary. on the first week, the teacher asked, "who created us?.. mary?" lil tom pokes mary in the back to wake her up, and she screams, "GOD!" (yooh noe.. wen ure annoyed.. yooh scream god... yea..) then, on the second week, the teacher goes, "who was crucified on the cross? ... mary??" once again, lil tom pokes her in the back to wake her up, and mary screams, "JESUS!" then on the third week, the teacher asks, "what did eve say to adam after their seventh child?.. mary??" nd once again, lil tom pokes mary in the back. this time, mary turns around and screams, "if yooh stick that thing in me one more time, i SWEAR ill break it off!!!!!" yeah ha thats pretty funny. the first and third one were funny, didnt bother to read the second, it was too long. |
|
|
|
|
Nov 24 2004, 12:44 PM
Post
#25
|
|
 Blasian, Asian, INVASION! Group: Official Member Posts: 4,288 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,769 |
ahahaha thts so funny. I love the last one
|
|
|
|
|
2 User(s) are reading this topic (2 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: