ugh., yet another lovesick teenage girl Options

[me1issaaaa]

.......blehhhhh.

i'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. everything is so effed up. dammit...

i really don't want sympathy, believe me, i'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, but i need to get this out, so i hope you don't mind if i just go out on a big rant.

okay. so basically i've had a MAJOR crush on pretty much my best friend for over a year. he was the first guy to ever come out to me that he has feelings for me. ever since then, i've grown more infatuated with him everyday. he's the best person i know and i love him to death. idk, i guess this is like my first love or whatever, idk. i'm so confused. well, let's just get to the point.

so i'm after school going to my locker and i see one of my closest friends leaning against the wall across from the lockers. i go over to her, we start talking and everything, and then she says "guess what!! i got asked out today." then she had me guess who it was.... i prayed so hard that it wasn't my crush person, but i said his name anyway..........

...my heart skipped a beat as she shook her head 'yes'. and then she points out how my jaw dropped so far down.... and i'm just out of words and i can't breathe. then she says how our other friend, josh, who is also good friends with my.. person, and apparently my 'person' told josh that he'd had a crush on her for a while. after she finished the story, my 'person' comes up and gives both of us huuuge hugs, and turns to her and tells her to call him later tonight so they can "talk". *sigh* i guess we all know what that means.

so now i'm here crying so much. i can' hardly see what i'm typing and my keyboard is soaked. i don't even remember the last time i cried this hard. and i admit that i am a very emotional person, but i don't know that i've ever cried this hard before. i've never felt so empty and alone before. i know i sound stupid, believe me, i don't want to sound like this, but now i guess i understand how real the pain actually is. you know, how you hear other ppl talking about how much 'the pain' is, and you just kind of shrug it off and don't think it's a big deal. guess it's my turn to find out.


i'm sorry this took so long, but i needed to get it out because i doubt any of my friends would understand how i feel at this time...