fair lights on a southern terrace |
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 Oct 13 2004, 04:24 PM
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#1
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 creepy heather  Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580  |
Fair lights, on a southern terrace
Hide obscurity, rusted into the dance floor, As their luminosity spreads for a distance- Potent remarks that scale “x” embedded into the earth Ink spilt from these outlets Paved onto the stage- A black-showy blood with cancer- Vines climbing up your body Until it reaches your lips Baby, your veins are under my fingers On these grounds, when we dance Under the fair light spreading Across the southern terrace |
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Oct 13 2004, 06:07 PM
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#2
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
I love that little change of tone in the last stanza.
You're a great writer, Heather. Keep posting up. |
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Oct 13 2004, 06:11 PM
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#3
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 aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
this poem is so woww i cant even think of the right word. i say woww. as the masterxkid said your a great writer.
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Oct 13 2004, 06:36 PM
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#4
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creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
^^^^^
thanks guys i like to change up the stanzas a bit, so that it doesnt get too boring, and for a nice personal touch ;) |
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Oct 13 2004, 08:00 PM
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#5
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Haha, and you do it quite effectively.
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Oct 13 2004, 08:57 PM
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#6
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
o_O i like it but i dont understand the meaning..but its great!!
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Oct 13 2004, 09:46 PM
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#7
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creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
well i live in tx and i was reminiscing the time an ex and i went to the local fair
we were drunk and he threw up in the rose garden while we were dancing on the stage o_o..lol pitiful, but for the most part it was romantic |
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Oct 13 2004, 09:54 PM
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#8
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
It's the unique flaws that make romances so perfect...
Hey, you gotta admit...That's a memory that stands out... 
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Oct 14 2004, 11:58 PM
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#9
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creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
QUOTE(MasteRxKiD @ Oct 13 2004, 9:54 PM) It's the unique flaws that make romances so perfect... Hey, you gotta admit...That's a memory that stands out... lol yes it does   i miss him
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Oct 15 2004, 04:05 AM
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#10
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Aww, that's sweet.
If it's not too much, care to elaborate the second stanza? QUOTE Ink spilt from these outlets Paved onto the stage- A black-showy blood with cancer- Vines climbing up your body Until it reaches your lips Just struck up some curiousity as to what exactly it was you were trying to depict. |
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Oct 15 2004, 04:42 AM
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#11
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creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
the stage had little outlets and there was this black stuff that looked like big globs of ink, but i think it was just tar...lol
i kind of got imaginative in that stanza >_> its kind of corny to say this but cancer spreads quickly, it looked like the tar was spreading, and so was the urge to kiss him. it all seemed artistic to me but im sure he was just thinking 'mmm sloopyy wet kiss' on the side of 'i dont feel to well *BELCH*' i basically just put all of that together in one tight small stanza no one would get it by reading...i like to let my poems have multiple meanings, and have people just imagine what the words could mean. But that is what it meant to me |
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Oct 15 2004, 05:01 AM
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#12
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Haha, thanks and sorry for making you take that one apart for me.
I was thinking light, but I thought "How would that explain the 'ink' line?' I like to do that with my writing as well, but sometimes I expect the person to know what I'm trying to describe, just because I'm the one who wrote it. Anyway, next time, don't sway a drunk so much when you're dancing with him.
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