Without you |
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 Oct 14 2004, 09:51 PM
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#1
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SOS Brigade!!  Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775  |
Hmm been really out of it so sorry if this is another failure but i haven't posted in a while so just decided to
Wonder why I get you go When I gave everything I could Yet this sorrow is eating my body slowly disturbing my sleep, my thinking, and my appetite Letting you go into someone elses arms makes me sad For I know it won't be my arms Why must I be the one to suffer Why must I take all the pain while you smile and walk down lovely memory lane Without you I'm just a lonely no one |
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Oct 14 2004, 10:07 PM
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#2
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
I like the theme...
I don't really like the poem itself though... The reason why is I'd like to see it a little more dark or complex...I'm too used to seeing love poems done like this. That's just me...I know a lot of people appreciate the straight-forward approach more. |
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Oct 14 2004, 10:08 PM
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#3
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
aiitez the thing about me is... i cant be dark.. but ill give it a shot =P
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Oct 14 2004, 10:17 PM
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#4
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
You don't have to be dark...You could try using metaphors instead.
That's always a lot of fun. |
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Oct 14 2004, 10:18 PM
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#5
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
ok ill give it a shot and ill post it up if it sucks or not =P
i dont really do metaphors im more of a personification guy =P |
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