My side, and my sorrys., This is not for attetion Options

[*mSz_dOrk_anGeL*]

Please, try and be nice this topic. This is not for attetion. This is to maybe undertsand who I am.

Okay, I didn't get out of hand.

Everytime I make a topic, I always have to get bashed in some way. I'm sorry but last time I checked no one is perfect. Especally you people.

I am not a attetion whore.
I am not a whore.
I am not a little girl.

I am a cutter
You all did make me cry
You should have never gone there with the cutting thing.

I was at 256 days of no SI. Thanks for f*cking it up. Look, I came to this site thinking 'Oh well they seem nice, they will maybe help me.' You all did. I started making blends, Sure I posted to many topics, but I listend and I learned. I made my own Member's Pictures post .. I'm sorry .. I was still new-ish .. and I didn't see the other topic on it. I am sorry.

Why am I going to tell you all this? Becuase maybe you will understand me.

When I was 5 .. I did have to become an adult then. My dad spilt .. Grandma died .. Granpa died .. and we shipped off up here to Jersey. I was 5 .. thats alot in less than a year. When I was 6 mom re-married. 8, dad did. Two years ago, my dad cheated on my stepmom. He left her. And me. My father was the one I always looked up to. He was my hero. And then, he lied to me, broke my heart into a million peices. After that .. I went into a major depression. I kept trying to OD, I did over 7 times. Never worked. Then I started with the SI. I liked the pain. It made me feel like I was actually still alive.

Two months later, I got a boyfriend. He was the best thing in the world. I was happy. I was .. in love. I mean it too. Then I met Matt. I thought we were gonna be friends. He wanted more and didn't care that I had Jon. Matt forced me to cheat on him. I was so afriad to tell Jon the truth that Matt had raped me, that I told him I just plain ole cheated on him, becuase I knew that Jon would make me tell someone. After a course of three months Matt hit me, beat me, and raped me .. all more than once. Matt had told me that, 'If you lose weight then maybe guys will want you.' I was back into my depression. I was left alone .. broken hearted, and just plain broken and used. I sit here now to find myself in tears. People always called me a whore because Matt was three years older than me. When no one ever knew the truth. I was known at my old school as the school slut. When really, I never wanted it at all. Never.

And to say I'm 13 and I don't know anything about sex, but you do since you had sex. Oh, umm hmm I was forced to have sex many many many a time. So I don't know anything?

I didn't post for people to think I'm sexy. I am not. I am not beautiful, nor am i pretty or cute. I am
N O T H I N G .

I have anorexica .. because I want to be all those things. I want to be perfect. Even if it kills me.

I am sorry to Ashley, I should have never called you a whore. I was wrong. But don't be so mean to people.
I am sorry to everyone who I have hurt. But no matter what I did, It could never have been as bad, as what you did to me.

Calling me a whore.
Saying I'm ugly. (I get that enough from myself)
Saying I'm a little girl. (I know about child porn. Matt loved it. It scares me. It was just my hair. I shall never wear it like that again.)
I am not an Idoit.
I did cut myself after what CEP said. I cired too.
I am fragile .. I really am. I have been hurt so much .. by so many people .. that I break so easily. I have been hurt by way more people, than my father and Matt, and cB.
And what in the hell would make you say, 'Get a razor' so I can kill myself. Thats just low and horrible.


I am sorry. But yet I am not.

[dani41790]

awwww dont listen to those people's u and u shouldnt put urself down like that. but yea some of the stuff u did say did kinda get outta hand so people just got kinda pissed i guess. and dont take things so seriously kz?

[melface]

That's kind of personal... it does hurt me to see you put through all of that pain... but in reality you did get a bit out of hand... I'm still not sure why you took those things so seriously... Why did you cut yourself to begin with? A cry for help? See a psychiatrist, then... You shouldn't have gone off and cut yourself it is JUST the internet... CEP is a good guy... you just don't want to be on his bad side...
If you don't want to be hurt then don't put yourself in that position [member bashing and such... if an issue came up in that topic in pictures then you should have settled it THERE... but not pick out a mod and attack them]... I really don't know what to say since you're putting us all on a pity run... Sure, I'm sorry for some things that I said... but... it DID get carried away... once that topic was closed [which was by your request] then that should've been the end of it.

[leeeza702]

I haven't been here for a while so I don't really know what you're talking about... but uhhh... you really shouldn't care about what others think about you... especially those on the internet... I mean, they (people online) don't even know you or whatever... and vice versa... the fact that you cut yourself over what CEP said is really uhhh... stupid, IMO. Yeah, you've had a bad childhood and life or whatever... but you just got to deal with it... not everything is going to be perfect in life... things will go wrong, bad things may happen... but you know... that's life... I hope things get better for you... and just remember kids...

Treat others the way you wish to be treated....

ugh.. that's my 2 cents for now.. i'll probably edit later

[lcsblogfool]

eh.....I don't know what has happened here but....
I just want to say: Be optimistic
not everything in the world is sad, not everything and everybody is mean to hurt you
I believe that there must be some people that care about you and love you
so don't cry or cut yourself anymore, at least I will worry about you
hope you can be happier in the future

- Jason

[sunissed14127]

omg ur story made me cry....u shouldt listen to what other ppl say about u...u should b the one who should judge urself. im sorry all of that happened.

[nyctophiliac]

that's really sad about your whole family thing...but you should be a stronger person and not get hurt by what people online say to you...they're probably not like that in person...
Steph

[expoised]

you should go talk to someone. sorry you had to go through all that, but this is the internet. maybe you shouldn't have let something some guy said influence you like that. like melface said... CEP, jose, is a good guy.

i'm not going to apoligize for calling you what i did, though. you called me a b*tch first. i know i can be a b*tch if i want, but i don't particularly bond well with people who tell me i am a b*tch. ..and i DID say that my thread was NOT meant for flaming you. but i AM sorry for carrying it on and so forth.

and one thing you're wrong about... it was you who carried the situation just a little bit to far...

[conster]

i only knoe a bit of what happened wit all the name calling... and im sorry that u had to go through so much at this age. i think what goes around comes around..so if ur nice to others, others will be nice to u. maybe this all started when u and others mistakened each others words since this IS the internet and the tone of voice cant be clarified...

but nonetheless i hope u'll have a better life in ur later teenage years.. u should make it fun cuz i think teenage years are the most impt and it affects u throughout ur life. go meet new ppl and dont repeat ur mistakes =) let the past be the past u cant change anything about it, only thing u can do is to create a better future for urself.

[*kryogenix*]

I am not an Idoit.
I did cut myself after what CEP said. I cired too.

I recommend that you fix that before more people make fun of you.

I suggest that you get counseling too. No offense, but you seem really depressed.

[edit]

I have no idea what happened between you and the other members, but still, you give your opinion. other people have the right to disagree. you shouldn't cry about that. also, i don't like how you seem to want our sympathy. it's tough that all those things happened to you, but it doesn't give you an excuse to cause trouble, cut yourself, etc.

you should really consider getting counseling. for your benefit and ours.

[*[2]Nekked*]

ok sorry to ruin the "moment" here but please, kid, kiss my ass. you think you're the only one who's suffered? i'm sorry but i have absolutely no sympathy. no one ever treated ME differently after all the sh*t i've been through (which is a lot more than you have) and i definitely didnt use my situation to take advantage of other people and send them into guilt trips because i f*cked up.

dont even THINK about using your past as an excuse to act like a total immature b*tch. YOU'RE the one who wanted to end it. YOU'RE the one who requested that the thread should be closed. so YOU shouldnt have continued to start all those stupid ass pointless threads bashing cb.

Jose was being SARCASTIC. If YOU'RE stupid ass decided to listen to him and inflict that kind of pain on yourself, then that is not HIS problem, and neither is it CB'S. You reak what you sow. If you didnt act like a total idiot, then people wouldnt be so "mean" to you.

and ASHLEY did NOT act mean to you until after you start acting like a total dickface, so in this case, i'm sorry but i cannot forgive you.

[DrEaMgUy2K1]

i honestly will stick to my opinion on how u handled urself yesterday, but i am sorry for calling u w/e i may have the other night, and the thing about slitting the wrist..erm oO; Anyways i got out of hand,others got out of hand, and u as well got out of hand. Now that i DO know u and know why u took everything so offensively i regret saying alot of stuff, but maybe if u took ur time explaining instead of just coming back at us with a quick insult it would have gone better....

im sorry if i hurt your feelings, and sorry cB for wasting a shitload of web space ~_~

-edited-

yea honestly i dont think u should be excused because of ur history, it did make me feel sypathedic for u, but i realized "hey i go through sh*t too and she didnt bother to ask" i've been through alot too, and if u knew me u would know but oh well. Yea it does seem like u went through alot, and it doesnt seem like i can compare , but i can..just differently (never been raped or used b4) .... ANd im sure alot more of cB members have to deal with their sh*t too....so yea...u should have kept most of ur personal stuff private.

haha and i remember when u first called ashley a whore....in the chatroom ROFL ashley was flipping out

[Heathasm]

eh, i can relate to you on the people being rude on the forums
being new isnt bad its just what you are and people should help you out instead of making you feel dumb or like crap (which is possible to do over the internet lol (for some people)) for some stupid topics you made in pictures....

[xquizit]

Yes, Trish is right. Don't think you're the only one who goes through effed up situations. I'm guessing you don't even know 1/16 of the members here. You don't know our history, our personal mistakes/failures, etc. But you don't see the rest of us acting a fool. You have to stick it up and don't blame other people for your actions.

And this is the internet, you really shouldn't let it get to you.

[inthemudhole]

People make good points.
I agree with Trish in some ways, and in some ways I do forgive you.
I am sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, but you didn't necessarily have to "return the favor" to the rest of createBlog.
I'm sorry what you've had to go through, but you're not exactly the only one who's had tough situations.

I really can't believe you cut after what Jose (CEP) said. It was sarcasm.. I guess it's hard to detect sarcasm through the net, but don't take everyone seriously..

I'm sorry, but yet I'm sort of not.

[ThePrincessofTKD]

this is the same girl from those stupid topics?

hello again.

get new friends. some of us are definitely aren`t your friends.

just like a few people said, we don`t need to know you`re entire life`s story for you to pierce our hearts and feel sorry for the things you gone through. that`s a psychaitrist`s job.

didn`t you realize why you were bashed?

"Oh how I lie .. you people really are horrible .. you all need to go to hell and die .. try having someone yell at you .. making fun of you !! YOU WOUNLT LIKE IT

http://img74.exs.cx/img74/3038/fyew.jpg
http://img74.exs.cx/img74/5667/bwhaha2.jpg
http://img74.exs.cx/img74/4916/haha13.jpg

Go to hell you f*cking f**kers !!!!"

excuse me? you think we`re not offended by that? look at all your effing posts and tell me, did you even say ONE nice thing to somebody other than yourself?

NO.

if you`re such a fragile person, why the heck did you say all that bullsh!t about other people? *COUGH COUGH ATTENTION WHORE COUGH COUGH*

i had this problem before on createblog, and i don`t think i had to tell createblog my life`s story for them to forgive me. i changed myself for the good.

This post has been edited by ThePrincessofTKD: Oct 2 2004, 12:33 PM

[xquizit]

i had this problem before on createblog, and i don`t think i had to tell createblog my life`s story for them to forgive me. i changed myself for the good.

Yes, more power to you!

[Retrogressive]

Honestly I agree with Trish to. I think this whole thing is for attention. Stop telling people you don't know your "life's story" go out and get some real friends and stop stirring stuff up in CB.

[LoST SouL]

i think u all r insensative b*tches honestly... u guys probably dont kno how it feels for her i dont either but goddamit put urself in her shoes n think bout how it feels to be her f*ck seriously

[*mSz_dOrk_anGeL*]

Look I'm just trying to say I'm sorry. I have a shrink and I'm on meds .. so don't tell me I need to go see one. I am not an attetion whore. And mabye I cut over what Jose said, because I can't deal with problems anymore.

[*[2]Nekked*]

i think u all r insensative b*tches honestly... u guys probably dont kno how it feels for her i dont either but goddamit put urself in her shoes n think bout how it feels to be her f*ck seriously

i just said she wasnt the only person whos suffered. she's not going to find sympathy here. how do you know i HAVENT been in her shoes, or WORSE? you dont. so stop assuming.

[*mSz_dOrk_anGeL*]

Look, maybe you have had worse. But like you said, your 18. I'm not. I'm not an adult. I can't deal with a billion of my own problems plus everyone elses at the same time.

[Retrogressive]

I'm a cutter, I have had a shrink, I have been on medication I've done all of it. I'm sure there are ALOT of people on CB who have the same and worse problems you don't see them acting like a spoiled brat and trying to get attention.

[rainnydaiis]

yeah we might be b*tches because people were b*tches to us? think about that for a bit

[*mSz_dOrk_anGeL*]

I said I was sorry. What more do you want? My soul!?