AM I A HORRIBLE PERSON?, well, am i? Options

[diezelbabygrl_xo...]

ok, lately i've been really depressed and everything- and i think the choices in life have made me weaker- wen i used 2 think they made me stronger. here is everything that has happened:
wen i was in 6th grade(wen i was 11) i met dis 14 year old guy at a highschool football game. his name is brandon. he was really cute-and i had a bf at that time- and he liked me. he was so sweet 2 me. so i went out wit him.
in 7th grade, we were still 2gether. but brandon seemed 2 change n gradually started 2 abuse me emotionally then physically. i never told anyone. i came 2 school wit bruises and cuts but i said i got it from 'accidents' i broke up wit brandon at the end of 7th grade.
then in 8th grade, i went out wit his cousin (whom i met at a party) his name was tom and he was 22 years old. i told him i was 17. he's in the navy(jus like my dad) and he treated me like a princess.
now movin on to friends- i had two bestfriends- meagan and doreen. one day i found out meagan had ripped off the beginning of my story and i confronted her. we got into a big fight and i told her to just drop our friendship bcuz i thot she waz talkin behind my back- and i dont need that sh*t, havin a backstabbing friend.
in late march on this year, i went 2 a party that brandon was at and he r@ped me. he didnt use a condom and i never told anyone. i thought i was pregnant tho im not, and eventually i told my friends.
i told doreen, chelC and ashley. doreen knows everythin but she didnt seem 2 care. chelC said she wanted 2 get pregnant 2 so i wouldnt b alone n ashley felt really bad.
but then i realized doreen was all tha sudden bein friends wit meagan (but she always talked behind her back b4) n den i thot, well if she used 2 talk behind meagan's back she mite talk behind my back 2 meagan, so i dropped my friendship wit doreen.
so i waz still wit tom n den he slapped me wen we were fightin so i said f*ck it, n i dumped him. he kept following me until i threatened to call the police n report him. then he said something real hurtful-"yur too g0ddamn independent, felicia. your gonna live yur life wit no1 to love and b alone forever, cuz u cant trust ne1."
i almost cried, and i've been called a b*tch, a whore, a slut, a tramp, etc. by my bestfriends, by strangers and by my family.
& now i have feelings that i want 2 jus have a baby, prove 2 every1 that i can take care of myself. & am i conceited? cuz i really do think im pretty, im not 1 of those girls who likes 2 call themselves fat or ugly. plus, i want 2 b a model or somethin- and i admire adriana lima, britney spears and xtina aguilera cuz i think if u have a great body, y not show it?? rite?
plus i cant even get a date- cuz im seriously not interested in guys my age. i jus like OLDER men. i mean ages 35-53. i think that is so sexy- serious italian men wit brooklyn accents...n bcuz of that i get called a tramp.
now i have no friends, all i ever do is write, i cant sleep, im not close 2 ne1...where did i go wrong?
sorry if this is 2 much, but i needed 2 tell sum1, n since i dont know u personally, u probably wont care enuf 2 tell ne1 else.
is bein independent wrong? cuz i believe u cant trust no1 if u cant even trust yur family.

[IIO__oII]

aw im sorry.
r u sure u want a baby? i mean, its a BIG responsibility.
and just to prove to ure friends and family members that u can take care of URESELF? y would having a baby prove that?!? haha just take care of ureself-dont get into animore harmful relationships, be respectful of ure parents....
earn their trust.. it might take a while, but u'll get there.
good luck! =D

[diezelbabygrl_xo...]

wow, i forgot about this post. well, thanks you guys

[captured_serenit...]

first of all it's not wrong of you to tell us, i'm glad you atleast knows that someone read you story i have been in your situtation but not to worry...just tell your family they will be mad if you dont but its all going to pan out in the end, but i hope that your ok now..

[capsule]

i think if u have a great body, y not show it?? rite?

i just gotta disagree with you on that part; maybe that was the reason u got rap3d? i don't think you're a horrible person, just...went through some hard times. I think Tom was right and shoulda just stuck with him. Even though u got slapped, better than being abused by Brandon, right? you also mentioned that he treated you like a princess, thats how it should have been. I think it was wrong though to lie about your age, you're kind of deceiving the guy. your friends were also wrong in treating you like that, right decision on dumping them, and especially right for dumping Brandon. Just a quick question: Did you report the rap3 to the police? I mean, the stuff you're going through...shouldn't it be heard to the proper authorities? That's just my opinion.

[JlIaTMK]

awww im sry for this.... sounds like u have a really treacherous life if u want anymore help just pm me anytime eh i duno.... if u wana stop being called a slut then stop going out with these women abusers.... thats all i have to say.... they seem like the wrong croud for u and it seems that ur not that good in ur relationships.... u need to resolve.... not just break it off

[*AngelicEyz00*]

aww I'm so sorry to hear all that. From what i've read you don't seem like a bad person. You're really pretty too, looking at those pics in your siggy.

Seriously though, don't let ignorant people put you down. Them calling you all those names shows they obviously don't really respect you and you shouldn't have any sort of relationship with someone who doesn't give u respect...

Well, i dunno what else to say.. feel better