so what do you think about the begging of my journal entry., review me cb. Options

[AngryBaby]

okay well i gotta do this entry thing on my opinion and ideals of higher powers for one of my classes. its not supposed to be TOO long

the best collection of entries after the semester is done gets a treat. probably sex.

i just wrote this entry about 45 minutes ago so i wanted to see what cb would think, because i'm not really done but i rushed kinda quick. so yeah. lawl sex

here's my first entry THAT IS NOT DONE, im still doing it as we speak lol. i dont write so good, but just tell me if its not too embarrasing. cuz i really want teh sex.



its not done im continuing off of that so yeah
meh, i probably gotta delete this soon so that when they run it through the machine they dont find this off of this link hah


edit//sorry had to delete it guys, thanks for the input!

[smash]

seems like you wrote well enough to me. the piece has a voice. which personalizes it and imo that's a good thing. just make sure you check your punctuation and crap.

[Reidar]

Sentences don't make sense: "Now I explain to the audience that my mind carries that are comprised of many doubters, what exactly I mean."

Semicolons should divide complete clauses.

You insist that you are not questioning whether God exists or not because you do not know. Why would NOT knowing something be reason to not question it?

You make "man" and "his relationship with God" sound like the personal, intimate version of being a believer (i.e. yours) yet that phrasing was used to illustrate organized religion.

[AngryBaby]

thanks, its funny, because you touched on the crap that i was thinking about revising.

but i meant i can't exactly say there IS NOT a higher power of some sort. because i do not know. but what can be doubted, is man's interpretation of the higher power. because I think the ideals that our species have concerning gods, is only derivative of our own natural tendencies. everything we believe a god to be is within the confines of our own understanding. which i think is the reason why some of the "gods" sense of logic seem to be more of a humane sense of logic.

[brooklyneast05]

i agree about the revisions. a lot of it just doesn't make sense to me. not the ideas but just the way you worded stuff either makes no sense or is awkward. you could make it a lot more readable. it gets to be wordy for the sake of being wordy in my opinion.

makes it hard to understand what you're getting at. if you're saying god has too many human characteristics, probably because he was made up by humans, then i agree.