How do you get rid of a stalker? Options

[Fat2death]

I met this guy a week ago, and we have been having loooong conversations over the phone. I just realized I dont like him as more than a friend. After 3 days he claimed he loved me. Also he is too playful and childish. I told him that I wasnt into him anymore, and I would just see him around. I noticed that he started to hang out in places where I go, and I have never seen him there EVER until we started to talk. He wont stop calling me. Its 1pm my time, and checking my CID, he's already called 19 times, and left 13 messages. He keeps saying he wont stop calling until I talk to him, but when I did speak to him, he just tried to convince me I was making a mistake. HE still keeps calling!!!!

Ok, so Im thinking my next step is restraining order.

[Maccabee]

you taking it to seriously. He'll stop bothering you if you ignore him long enough. A restraining order comes AFTER you confront him and ask him to leave you alone, then he continues to call.

But him being at the same place as you, isnt stalking.
good luck.

[Tramatize]

talk to him, just because he isn't MORE than a friend doesn't mean he isn't a friend. don't just ignore him.

[Fat2death]

talk to him, just because he isn't MORE than a friend doesn't mean he isn't a friend. don't just ignore him.

Um, he said he loved me after a few days... Thats scary. He doesnt want to be my friend. He keeps telling me all the things he want to do to me, like that will make me change my mind. It was what pushed me away to start with.

[Tramatize]

Um, he said he loved me after a few days... Thats scary. He doesnt want to be my friend. He keeps telling me all the things he want to do to me, like that will make me change my mind. It was what pushed me away to start with.

Oh well tell him that you don't like him, and maybe if he lowers his Creepiness Scale you can be just friends.
But if you don't want to be his friend i would just ignore him and not worry about him unless he keeps up

[karmakiller]

Make it very clear to him that you're not interested. You've only known him for a week, so you don't know what he's capable of. I wouldn't tell him in person (god only knows what could happen/how he'll take it), but tell him over the phone. Tell him to leave you alone. If he keeps calling you and showing up at the places you go, try your hardest not to go to those places alone and if he still doesn't get it, then you may need to involve the police.

[Fat2death]

Make it very clear to him that you're not interested. You've only known him for a week, so you don't know what he's capable of. I wouldn't tell him in person (god only knows what could happen/how he'll take it), but tell him over the phone. Tell him to leave you alone. If he keeps calling you and showing up at the places you go, try your hardest not to go to those places alone and if he still doesn't get it, then you may need to involve the police.

Crazy thing is we hang in the same circle. His brother dates my best friend's sister. (yes I said it)He used to try to talk to me all the time, I just never payed any attention to him. (I wish I kept it that way) He just never went out with us, but now he just shows up everywhere because his brother finds out and tells him. I dont want to lock myself in the house forever. Youre right, I dont know what he's capable of, and thats why Im leaning towards getting the papers to keep him away. I already activated the call blocking and call tracing. He just calls from other numbers. I said we can just be friends, and he needed to stop calling and we just speak in public, but he wont stop calling, and Im not interested in any interaction with him whatsoever.

Oh well tell him that you don't like him, and maybe if he lowers his Creepiness Scale you can be just friends.
But if you don't want to be his friend i would just ignore him and not worry about him unless he keeps up

LOL @ Creepiness Scale
It is creepy though.

This post has been edited by Cristy: Sep 28 2009, 05:34 PM

Reason for edit: Merged double posts. - Cristy

[tokyo-rose]

I already activated the call blocking and call tracing. He just calls from other numbers. I said we can just be friends, and he needed to stop calling and we just speak in public, but he wont stop calling, and Im not interested in any interaction with him whatsoever.

Change your phone number? :/

I think you should cut off all contact with him for a while, otherwise he'll never get that you're not interested and keep trying to reach you. Also, don't say that you can just be friends when you don't want to interact with him at all. Saying the opposite of what you mean isn't going to help things.

[Fat2death]

Change your phone number? :/

I think you should cut off all contact with him for a while, otherwise he'll never get that you're not interested and keep trying to reach you. Also, don't say that you can just be friends when you don't want to interact with him at all. Saying the opposite of what you mean isn't going to help things.

Changing my number will be a hassle. A lot of people have my number. I sell houses. Its all over my website and cards as an emergency contact. Anyhow, I will just have to get used to the phone ringing. Im screening calls now through my answering machine.

[transcendentalis...]

Kill him.

He sounds like a child. Restraining order, if possible. Or get a close male friend of yours to accompany you wherever :)

[Fat2death]

Change your phone number? :/

I think you should cut off all contact with him for a while, otherwise he'll never get that you're not interested and keep trying to reach you. Also, don't say that you can just be friends when you don't want to interact with him at all. Saying the opposite of what you mean isn't going to help things.

I took yours and everyone elses advice to ignore him. Now he is stalking my Myspace, and he stole some of my pics today. He put them on his page and is basically pretending that we are in love. When I checked my Myspace, I had like 6 messages. The last one told me he took my pictures. He even gave me a pet name on his page like we are a couple!!!! I made that album private (it was the only one public), and Im blocking him from emailing me. He still calls though. Not as much, because now he just stalks me through Myspace with messages. Saying he loves me, and he isnt going anywhere. I think its time for the papers.
Im not overeacting JCP. This bastard is crazy as hell!

[Maccabee]

now your not overeacting.

[Fat2death]

now your not overeacting.

Thank you. he even referenced the fact that he looks for me, but is scared to approach me because he doesnt want problems with the people around me. He even drives by my job. I showed a house today, and I guess he followed me from the office.I saw him when my clients and I left!

[none345678]

idk Most stalker scenarios end in a suicide/homicide. So just get a restraining order already. Damn.

[karmakiller]

Not as much, because now he just stalks me through Myspace with messages. Saying he loves me, and he isnt going anywhere. I think its time for the papers.
Im not overeacting JCP. This bastard is crazy as hell!

That would worry me. It sounds like he wants you to just accept it and that if you won't he'll do what he can to make you accept it. You might have to change your number and get a restraining order especially if he knows where you live, because if he's doing crazy shit like this and you close every other line of communication he might try hanging around your place. He's way beyond "creeper" status. Print off whatever he sends you, just in case.

[Fat2death]

That would worry me. It sounds like he wants you to just accept it and that if you won't he'll do what he can to make you accept it. You might have to change your number and get a restraining order especially if he knows where you live, because if he's doing crazy shit like this and you close every other line of communication he might try hanging around your place. He's way beyond "creeper" status. Print off whatever he sends you, just in case.

Ok, now Im officially sh*tting up myself. When I read it, it didnt bother me that much, but the way you enlarged it... Im taking a day off and getting this done ASAP.

[LittleMissSunshi...]

the more you reject, the more he wants to try. just pick up, say i'll call you back cause i'm at the library or something, tell him who's the boss ya know?

[colddesert]

Ya, I had this guy who would call me, text me, show up at my work and ask me out all the time. I was too shy (then) to tell him that I wasn't interested.. but I gave hints. Eventually, he left me alone. Just ignore him. That is the non-confrontational (my preferred way) of handling things like that.

[DoubleJ]

YOU have a stalker?!

[fire]

WHAT IF YOURE WRONG AND HE COMPLETES YOU?!???!?!?????????????????????????

[Maccabee]

I'm not taking his side cause that stalking shit is pretty wack, I agree, but you played an active roll into becoming a victim of his annoyance. You're talking to the guy for 'so long' over the phone, giving the guy that needed confidence, and then you 'JUST' realize, hey I don't like him oh well la la la la la, and then you expect things to go back to normal.

Imagine it from your side:

You're talking to a guy. This dude is like the most handsome dude ever to you and you're so passionate about him. You can't believe he's even giving you the time of day and things are going so well. All of a sudden, he pulls a 'Oh I don't like you, kthxbye' on you. You'd feel a little like, whoa wtf, what just happened right? And most likely you'd still want to talk to him and stuff. The receiving end of these things can't just turn it on and off like that. They feel inadequate, like, why is this happening? Somethings not right. I can still have this. I know I can. Reasoning goes out the window.

As for a restraining order, no you don't need that. First off, he hangs in your circle of friends right? That'll just mess everything and make things worse; it'll not make only him look bad, but yourself as well, because sooner or later they're going to get to the bottom of why this started and they're gonna tell you, well wtf why you talking to him on the phone like that if you didn't like him? I understand that this kid is telling you I love you, stalking you and stuff like that, but until this dude is really a threat, I mean a serious I'ma kill you bitch threat, I don't think any official would sign off on it anyway without sufficient evidence of danger.

Please don't take any offense to this. This is outside the box thinking. I think you should actually confront him. SERIOUSLY CONFRONT HIM. With a close friend near by. I'm not saying 3 feet away from you. Just in eyes distance cause the conversation between you and him is personal. You need to apologize to him for making him think that he actually had a chance. Now you may not feel like you don't need to apologize cause it isn't your fault, but you shouldn't have been talking to him on the phone like that to begin with if you were just going to flip the switch on him like that. When you do apologize to him, you need to tell him that you are SINCERELY asking him to back off and that he is scaring you, enough that you thought of filing a restraining order.

Alright, I'm done my bad for the essay. Just saying. And I had some Guarana so I'm bouncing off the walls. Papa bear is done giving words of wisdom yall. Goodnight.

[Fat2death]

These long conversations werent abut us. They were platonic. We talked while I was at work and things like that. I would be in the office bored and text him like, Im bored. We would also talk about past experiences. Funny things, or things that happened recently in our circle of friends. A lot. Im not apologizing for anything. I havent done anything wrong. I may have played a little part in it by giving him my number. He is a nice looking guy, but I dont give my number to any guy thinking to get married.
What your pov is basically telling me, that you ask for what you get. Like if a girl is wearing small clothes, she is asking to be raped type thing. I dont have to apologize to him for having good conversations.
I saw him at a dinner party last night.(a wake for a family member of my bff) He was hanging around outside, and I told him flat out, when he approached me, I didnt want to have anything to do with him. I told him I just dont see us being a couple because we are in different places in our life. He bought up the fact that I blocked him on myspace, and he just wanted to talk to me. I gave him a chance. All he said was he still loved me, and thats when I told him I had to go. HOW THE F*UCK CAN HE LOVE ME?! I think he was after my money actually. Honestly, and I think he feels he still has a chance to be with me, so he wont have to work, and he can spend up my sh*t. Thats why he is telling me he loves me. He thinks Im weak and will fall for it.

[colddesert]

WHAT IF YOURE WRONG AND HE COMPLETES YOU?!???!?!?????????????????????????

haha

[Fat2death]

Ok Instant... You got me. I left a few details out. I have to admit. Thing is, I was turned off before the "L" bomb. A day prior actually. I like movies. A few of us friends got together for a game of Monopoly and a movie. When the movie starts he wouldnt let me watch it. He was all in my face. Telling me he didnt have to watch the movie, because it doesnt catch his attention more than looking at me.
I was never into him as more than friends, and I told him this on day one. I have long convos with my gf's too. So I dont think I led him on. Im getting divorced right now! He knows this too. I just knew him for a long time, and he seemed like a nice guy, so I told him I wouldnt mind being his friend.
After a couple days, he, I guess, started to look at me differently. He said he would love to be with me as my boyfriend eventually. I told him its way too early for me, because Im not even legally divorced yet, and I needed the time to be single. You know.
As far as past gf's of his. I found out he has a domestic charge. Apparently he busted out some guy's windows because his gf left him for this other guy. They were in the car together. He chased the car down and all. Like the terminator! Now this was a part of my decision to walk away. Especially since he said he loved me so early, it kind of gave me the extra push, and the whole domestic thing seemed like it could end up being me. I felt like after he said it, he was obsessive, and I said I will be damned if I become apart of his property.
I think thats all I left out. Other than the fact that he is 1 year younger than me, and I heard that someone told him that he needed to date me because I have a lot of money. All these factors is why I walked away, but he wont leav me alone.
Im just trying to understand him and why. It was only a week. Not even that. 6 days!


BTW... I filed for my restraining order today, pink eye and all.lol I think I got it from someone at that wake. (I wasnt letting it stop me.) I was already taking today off, but when I woke up and couldnt open my left eye, I had an excuse.
Hopefully everything goes well once he is served.

[none345678]

kill him