Why doesn't he tell me? Options

[karmakiller]

I've been trying to figure this out, so someone give me some insight, please.

My brother and I are fairly close. We'll hang out sometimes and talk to each other a lot. For some reason he will date girls and not even tell me about it. The girl who I'm assuming was his first girlfriend got along with me and she'd come over to see my brother (he works at home, because he took over the family business, but doesn't live at home) and her and I would talk and watch TV. The last girlfriend he had he dated for almost a year before I knew that they were actually a couple... that went horrible. I told him she was bad news, but didn't say anything else. She was bad news, and she caused a lot of problems between my brother and my family.

Then, on Sunday he had to go to the hospital and Monday I went to visit him and some girl is sitting there eating lunch with him. It was awkward.
Me: "Who are you? ...Did you graduate with him?"
Her: *awkward giggle "Um... I'mmmm... his girlfriend"
Me: "Oh, I haven't even heard your name until today."
My brother's friend: "Yeah, I'm lucky I even know who you are."

Then she said she had to go. This morning I called my brother's room and she was the one who answered. I still felt like an ass about yesterday.

Why does he not want me to know if he's seeing someone? His friend told me it's because the girl just graduated high school this month (my brother's almost 23.) I guess I just get a little offended that all his friends know and I am clueless. I feel like he's ashamed of me, because the two previous girls he dated never even knew he had a sister. :(

[Teesa]

Me: "Oh, I haven't even heard your name until today."
My brother's friend: "Yeah, I'm lucky I even know who you are."

i know you didn't mean to be mean, but i would feel sad if someone said something like that to me.

but anyways, i'm really close to my brother too, but i remember him not telling me about his first girlfriend. i think it's because we had never really talked about relationships before and he didn't want to make me uncomfortable or something. but now he tells me more about his current relationship because we just talk a lot more with each other. and it's also easier for him to talk to other guys his own age about it rather than a younger sister.

he is definitely not ashamed of you.

[kryogenix]

Have you ever ratted him out? He might be bitter about that.

[karmakiller]

^ No, I haven't. I've actually helped him out a lot with stuff.

i know you didn't mean to be mean, but i would feel sad if someone said something like that to me.

but anyways, i'm really close to my brother too, but i remember him not telling me about his first girlfriend. i think it's because we had never really talked about relationships before and he didn't want to make me uncomfortable or something. but now he tells me more about his current relationship because we just talk a lot more with each other. and it's also easier for him to talk to other guys his own age about it rather than a younger sister.

he is definitely not ashamed of you.

I said that because, well, it's the truth. And I didn't want her to think that I knew who she was an was intentionally ignoring or something. I've casually asked him before if he's seeing anyone and he always says no. I would assume that it would bother his girlfriend that he was denying their relationship. It makes me look bad when people who I don't even know very well tell me he's seeing someone and I tell them that they are wrong.

I can't help but feel that he is ashamed of me because of the way he acts sometimes. Most of his friends don't even know that he has a little sister. I don't want to know details about his relationships or anything, I just want to know if he's seeing someone and what her name is.

[Uronacid]

Maybe you're on CB too much and he doesn't have time to introduce you to anyone. Maybe he's sad because you love CB more than you love anything. It's time to make a choice. :(

[Teesa]

yeah okay, i understand that.

and yeah, that must be awkward for you not to know that information and hear it from someone else. but has he always been like this? like has he always been careful about what he says about his family?

Most of his friends don't even know that he has a little sister.

if that's the case, i really think you should just ask him straight out why this is. that would REALLY bother me. (unless he never talks about his family in front of his friends in general)

[LittleMissSunshi...]

I think he didn't tell you that he has a girlfriend, is because he's afraid you might judge him. Or since you guys are that close, he doesn't want to tell you his girlfriend life, cause a sister shouldn't know her sibling's love problems and such. I don't think he mean't it that he's ashamed of you. I'm very close to my brother, and we talk about everything, except he didn't tell me he has a girlfriend. He came down from UCF, and wow, his girlfriend came down too. Anyways, so what I'm saying is, brothers don't really like to talk about their girlfriend life, I think of it as privacy, but it'd be nice to inform me. I'm not gonna bug him about it though..

I don't think you should take it to heart, but you should ask him, why can't you inform me the girlfriend's name, so I won't look like an idiot, yuh know? Cause that's what I would have done.

[kinkieone]

He doesn't want you to know when they break up nor explain to you why they did. He's not ashamed of you. He's ashamed of what might become of them.

I agree with this, but I also have to point out that you have shown distaste for a girl in the past. Family approval is often a very important to a person, especially if the two of you are close. By disapproving of a previous girlfriend he's probably afraid of you having the same reaction as you have in the past. I know that after having my dad be a complete a** to my first boyfriend I've never introduced him to another one just to avoid his behavior.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I think when the girl matters he'll be proud to show her off to you and the rest of the family, so its probably little to do with you or how he feels about you.

[fameONE]

Was it like this before he went to Iraq?

[DoubleJ]

Idk it may be weird. I know a few soldiers and people that are in lines of work like that, and I know that they tend to be very guarded about certain things. They like to keep certain things to themselves or amongst their friends.

[karmakiller]

Was it like this before he went to Iraq?

Oh, that's my other brother. I forget that some people here know more about me than others :P The brother who was in Iraq lives in a different state and he actually tells me whats going on in life.

My brother has just been distant, and whenever I want to talk to him about stuff he ignores me. My mom talked to him today about this girlfriend and he said that he doesn't want my mom and I to butt in. But I've never tried to get involved in what was going on with him and any of his girlfriends. When he came clean to me about his last girlfriend the only thing I said to him was "Well, be careful. She's bad news." And she was, because she tore my family apart and messed with his head. After they broke up she got pregnant and was going around saying the baby was his. Then I did get involved and told him he should have a paternity test because he is a carrier of the disease that my mother has, which is a very serious thing.

I live in a smaller town, and my brother is pretty well known so people will ask me "Oh how is your brother and his girlfriend?" and I correct them and tell them they need to get a better source of information. He knows that I tell people they are wrong, and it makes me look like an ass, because they are actually right. It makes me question what else he is lying to me about. (Don't worry, I've stopped correcting people when they tell me stuff about him.)

[superstitious]

I don't know, Dee. I'm not ashamed of my mother and of course I'm not ashamed of my son (you all should know that by now hehe) but it takes me a long time before talking about who I'm going out with. It has nothing to do with them, I'm just extremely private outside the internet.

That and with him (my boyfriend), it sometimes feels like it's something for just me. It's selfish, but I don't have a lot to call my own - free time and otherwise. My time with him is precious to me and at first, I selfishly didn't want to share it.

Maybe he isn't ashamed of you Dee, maybe he just wants to keep these things to himself, you know?

[MrStrife]

I can sort of relate to your brother. Sometimes it's like this; it's not that I don't want to introduce my sister to my "girlfriends" (because sometimes they're not), I just don't want to to introduce them to my sister.

[DoubleJ]

it's not that I don't want to introduce my sister to my "girlfriends" (because sometimes they're not), I just don't want to to introduce them to my sister.

QFT

You know how many girls I have f*cked that I don't tell my family and friends about!

[ley]

I've been trying to figure this out, so someone give me some insight, please.

My brother and I are fairly close. We'll hang out sometimes and talk to each other a lot. For some reason he will date girls and not even tell me about it. The girl who I'm assuming was his first girlfriend got along with me and she'd come over to see my brother (he works at home, because he took over the family business, but doesn't live at home) and her and I would talk and watch TV. The last girlfriend he had he dated for almost a year before I knew that they were actually a couple... that went horrible. I told him she was bad news, but didn't say anything else. She was bad news, and she caused a lot of problems between my brother and my family.

Then, on Sunday he had to go to the hospital and Monday I went to visit him and some girl is sitting there eating lunch with him. It was awkward.
Me: "Who are you? ...Did you graduate with him?"
Her: *awkward giggle "Um... I'mmmm... his girlfriend"
Me: "Oh, I haven't even heard your name until today."
My brother's friend: "Yeah, I'm lucky I even know who you are."

Then she said she had to go. This morning I called my brother's room and she was the one who answered. I still felt like an ass about yesterday.

Why does he not want me to know if he's seeing someone? His friend told me it's because the girl just graduated high school this month (my brother's almost 23.) I guess I just get a little offended that all his friends know and I am clueless. I feel like he's ashamed of me, because the two previous girls he dated never even knew he had a sister. :(

I do this to my siblings. Its not because i dont want to tell them i just don't always think they need to know. I guess in a way i put them in the same circumstance your brother put you in. Its kinda like
me: hi
them:hey whos that?
me:this is my bf
them:you have a new bf? wait, what happened to ____? or wait _____? or ____?
(yeah my sisters are jerks and will name at least 3 guys)
me:ummmmm
him:Youd didn't tell them about me
them:She never does.
me:it happens.
them:how long have yall been ummm together?
him;6 months
me:so... who wants a drink?

[Uronacid]

Oh, that's my other brother. I forget that some people here know more about me than others :P The brother who was in Iraq lives in a different state and he actually tells me whats going on in life.

My brother has just been distant, and whenever I want to talk to him about stuff he ignores me. My mom talked to him today about this girlfriend and he said that he doesn't want my mom and I to butt in. But I've never tried to get involved in what was going on with him and any of his girlfriends. When he came clean to me about his last girlfriend the only thing I said to him was "Well, be careful. She's bad news." And she was, because she tore my family apart and messed with his head. After they broke up she got pregnant and was going around saying the baby was his. Then I did get involved and told him he should have a paternity test because he is a carrier of the disease that my mother has, which is a very serious thing.

I live in a smaller town, and my brother is pretty well known so people will ask me "Oh how is your brother and his girlfriend?" and I correct them and tell them they need to get a better source of information. He knows that I tell people they are wrong, and it makes me look like an ass, because they are actually right. It makes me question what else he is lying to me about. (Don't worry, I've stopped correcting people when they tell me stuff about him.)

Dee, sounds like he just wants his own life. Stop turning this into a big deal, and stop worrying about the intricate details of your brother's life. There's nothing wrong with your brothers decision to keep you out of his relationships. After all, they aren't your relationships. I personally hate telling any woman about my relationship for a variety of reasons. Anyway, you have your own life to live. Go live it.

[iExquisite]

Dee, sounds like he just wants his own life. Stop turning this into a big deal, and stop worrying about the intricate details of your brother's life. There's nothing wrong with your brothers decision to keep you out of his relationships. After all, they aren't your relationships. I personally hate telling any woman about my relationship for a variety of reasons. Anyway, you have your own life to live. Go live it.

[karmakiller]

Dee, sounds like he just wants his own life. Stop turning this into a big deal, and stop worrying about the intricate details of your brother's life. There's nothing wrong with your brothers decision to keep you out of his relationships. After all, they aren't your relationships. I personally hate telling any woman about my relationship for a variety of reasons. Anyway, you have your own life to live. Go live it.

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. I just wish that I knew what was going on in his life, because people who barely know him do. When he brings a girl to Christmas dinner and she says "I'm Kayla, we've been dating for a year and a half." of course I'm going to be surprised that he denied he was dating someone. If she's been in his life for a long time she should be important enough to mention

[Uronacid]

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. I just wish that I knew what was going on in his life, because people who barely know him do. When he brings a girl to Christmas dinner and she says "I'm Kayla, we've been dating for a year and a half." of course I'm going to be surprised that he denied he was dating someone. If she's been in his life for a long time she should be important enough to mention

What's boggling my mind here is that this still surprises you. It sounds like it happens fairly often. Why not just expect it?

Also, I know it might be a big deal to you, but maybe dating isn't a big deal to him. If that's the case then it's probably a good thing. He you don't have to be the protective sister because he's obviously not that attached. If it's every really serious for him to make a real commitment then I'm sure he'll tell you and your family. If not then don't worry about it he's a big boy and can take care of himself. I'm sure he has a better idea of what's best for him than you do.

You repeatedly say how you express your negative opinions about his girlfriends. I'll tell you what I told my friend Grace for expressing her negative opinions about Holly with out my asking, "Fuck off, how dare you say anything like that about her without spending as much time with her as I have. If I feel she's treating me unfairly then let me determine that. If I need your help then I'll ask for it." Just don't do it. That's what petty jealous bitches do.

[karmakiller]

^ Yeah, I can see that. He's had girlfriends that I have met because they come around when he is working and we will talk to each other. I don't press my brother to tell me anything, but I'll ask him if I hear rumors about him. I don't care about who is dating, because if he makes a mistake then that's up to him. It just would be nice to hear it from him rather than having to piece together rumors.

There's only one girlfriend that I said something about, though.

When he came clean to me about his last girlfriend the only thing I said to him was "Well, be careful. She's bad news." And she was, because she tore my family apart and messed with his head. After they broke up she got pregnant and was going around saying the baby was his. Then I did get involved and told him he should have a paternity test because he is a carrier of the disease that my mother has, which is a very serious thing.

[Tung]

You need a real man in your life Dee

<----

[emberfly]

I can sort of relate to your brother. Sometimes it's like this; it's not that I don't want to introduce my sister to my "girlfriends" (because sometimes they're not), I just don't want to to introduce them to my sister.

I agreee.

[Uronacid]

^ Yeah, I can see that. He's had girlfriends that I have met because they come around when he is working and we will talk to each other. I don't press my brother to tell me anything, but I'll ask him if I hear rumors about him. I don't care about who is dating, because if he makes a mistake then that's up to him. It just would be nice to hear it from him rather than having to piece together rumors.

There's only one girlfriend that I said something about, though.

Why do you bother piecing together rumors. Just stop. Stop worrying about him and his life. Do you have a man Dee?

[drinksmokefuck]

yeah she does so put cho dick back

[Uronacid]

yeah she does so put cho dick back

She sounds lonely and in desparate need of a prince charming to sweep her off her delicate feet. Only a real gentalman, only a real cat fish could do it. I bet he'd wear shades while bowling.