He cheated.., please help me out Options

[CO0KiE]

Hey, my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 15 months. (One year and three months in February) But just a few days ago (Sunday) I found out that he had been cheating on me FOR TEN MONTHS! TEN! Those months, those times that we spent together, everything, he was sharing. He was with another girl. I knew who she was. He told me that he didn't even like her back then. And I asked him again, why would he do that? Why? Especially if he wasn't even attracted to her? And he said he didn't know how he felt towards her, and he didn't want to tell me. He doesn't want me to leave. I think I'm giving him a second chance. But I don't trust him at all anymore. I just... my heart hurts so bad. I have never been betrayed like this before. By my very best friend... He keeps saying that heloves me, but... you don't do this to someone you love. he said that it just happened, and frankly, i don't think anything "just happens". He said he didn't even want it. FOR TEN MONTHS! HE DIDN'T WANT IT ?! BUT HE NEVER LEFT HER! That stupid bitch knew that I was his girlfriend too. They used to always hang out, and it made me unconfortable, so he said he'd stop hanging with her so much, but little did I know, he would still go and see her. We started going out November 2007, and on January 9, my birthday we told each other we love each other. He met her in December 2007. And in January, the beginning of the month or so, he started to see her as well. THAT'S NOT LOVE! YOU DON'T LOVE SOMEONE and hurt them like this. He tore my heart out... He knows he doesn't deserve a second chance, but he still wants one. He needs me. I need him. But I'm just afraid of the pain again. Nothing's the same anymore. I don't wear anything he ever got me. I don't want to see the pictures of the two of us. I'm so suspicious of him. I've lost my appetite. I haven't eaten at all for two days now. He said he doesn't know why he started to see her, he was "curious".

Someone please talk to me. It just doesn't make sense. He broken everything... He lied from the beginning...

[heyo-captain-jac...]

How old are you? Your age is the only thing preventing me from answering.

[CO0KiE]

I'm 17

[espressive]

He needs me. I need him.

You don't need anybody that causes you pain.

But I'm just afraid of the pain again. Nothing's the same anymore. I don't wear anything he ever got me. I don't want to see the pictures of the two of us. I'm so suspicious of him.

Someone please talk to me. It just doesn't make sense. He broken everything... He lied from the beginning...

You have said everything yourself.

If you're looking for reassurance from me, that's not what you're going to get. It sounds like you know what you should do, but you just don't want to do it. The fear of 'pain' is holding you back. But in reality, there's going to be pain whether you break up with him nor or not. It's inevitable. I guess some things are easier said than done huh? But think about this - how can you be in a relationship with somebody you can't trust anymore? that you're suspicious of? that lied to you? When you lose such a fundamental basis of any relationship, it's hard to build anything on it. If you have the heart to forgive him and give him a second chance, it'll always be something that will linger in the back of your head. You will always be suspicious of his actions. I really think you're better off without him; you're right - you DON'T do this to somebody you love... especially since he did this repeatedly over a span of 10 months. I'm really sorry that this happened, but try to keep your head up? Clear your mind. Spend time with friends. Do things you love. Do what you think is the best decision for you. Most importantly - SMILE :)

[CO0KiE]

You don't need anybody that causes you pain.

You have said everything yourself.

If you're looking for reassurance from me, that's not what you're going to get. It sounds like you know what you should do, but you just don't want to do it. I guess it's easier said than done huh? But think about this - how can you be in a relationship with somebody you can't trust anymore? that you're suspicious of? that lied to you? When you lose such a fundamental basis of any relationship, it's hard to build anything on it. If you have the heart to forgive him and give him a second chance, it'll always be something that will linger in the back of your head. You will always be suspicious of his actions. I really think you're better off without him; you're right - you DON'T do this to somebody you love... especially since he did this repeatedly over a span of 10 months. I'm really sorry that this happened, but try to keep your head up? Clear your mind. Spend time with friends. Do things you love. Do what you think is the best decision for you. Most importantly - SMILE :)

thanks.. Yeah, it's easier said than done. Actually, I was going to break up with him last night. But a close friend of mine talked some sense into me. She said that she knows that we love each other, and I'll regret it if I do. She said she can tell how much he loves me, how he knows he's wrong, and how he most likely will not repeat the same mistake again. Am I a fool to keep him? I don't forgive him. I can't. And I can't trust him. But he says he'll prove to me that he loves me, and he'll do everything he can to earn my trust back. And you're right, it'll never be the same.. I'm always going to have that suspision linger in the back of my mind...

*sigh*
Am I wrong?

[Ekay]

Love is a very fickle word. 15 months is a long time and so is 10. That's basically 2/3's of your time together with him. If somebody lied to me at the beginning, I would've ended it already. I don't want to deal with something like that. I don't want it to take a huge mistake for my significant other to realize that I am the one that person wants to be with. That's too ridiculous to ask of anybody; male or female.

I'm pretty sure you answered your own question too. I mean if you are going to be suspicious of him all the time, is it really worth your stress and energy to constantly worry about who he's with or what he's doing? I honestly don't think that it's fair for you to stay in this relationship.

[espressive]

She said that she knows that we love each other, and I'll regret it if I do. She said she can tell how much he loves me, how he knows he's wrong, and how he most likely will not repeat the same mistake again. I don't forgive him. I can't. And I can't trust him. But he says he'll prove to me that he loves me, and he'll do everything he can to earn my trust back.

But sometimes, just "loving" somebody isn't enough to make a relationship work... especially since his definition of love is so twisted and warped.

[roxyy]

If you give him a second chance, all your gonna do is get jealous and upset all the time he's with another girl. You can forgive him but your not gonna forget what he did, its gonna stay in the back of your mind all the time that itll bring up fights.. once a cheater always a cheater.yeah?

[CO0KiE]

Love is a very fickle word. 15 months is a long time and so is 10. That's basically 2/3's of your time together with him. If somebody lied to me at the beginning, I would've ended it already. I don't want to deal with something like that. I don't want it to take a huge mistake for my significant other to realize that I am the one that person wants to be with. That's too ridiculous to ask of anybody; male or female.

I'm pretty sure you answered your own question too. I mean if you are going to be suspicious of him all the time, is it really worth your stress and energy to constantly worry about who he's with or what he's doing? I honestly don't think that it's fair for you to stay in this relationship.

I know it isn't fair.. and I know that I'll still stress about it, and I can't ever trust him 100% anymore.. but, people can change right? Maybe I'll change, and I"ll believe him again.. one day. Maybe he really won't do it ever again, maybe he really will prove it to me, and gain my trust again...

[CO0KiE]

If you give him a second chance, all your gonna do is get jealous and upset all the time he's with another girl. You can forgive him but your not gonna forget what he did, its gonna stay in the back of your mind all the time that itll bring up fights.. once a cheater always a cheater.yeah?

i always thought "once a cheater always a cheater" as well, but people change.. right? People change.

[CO0KiE]

But sometimes, just "loving" somebody isn't enough to make a relationship work... especially since his definition of love is so twisted and warped.

What if he is able to make it work for us? Don't you think it's alright to give it a try? It's a risk to getting hurt again... but opening up your heart to someone and loving them is a risk just the same.

[Ekay]

You know if you do decide to go with that route, it's gonna be arduous and long. You basically have to start letting your guard down again and perhaps give him another chance to hurt you again.

Trust is also really very hard to gain back. Change is possible but, change is also hard to come by. I don't want to sound like a pessimist, although, I probably do. I'm just trying to real. The question is whether or not you can let your guard down again for somebody that essentially f*cked you over. Think it through before anything else because after all, it is you who makes the decision in the end. Not your friend, not him, not your parents but, you. Whatever your decision, make sure it reflects your thoughts and emotions; overall, the real you.

[Ekay]

Dude. Word.

[CO0KiE]

You know if you do decide to go with that route, it's gonna be arduous and long. You basically have to start letting your guard down again and perhaps give him another chance to hurt you again.

Trust is also really very hard to gain back. Change is possible but, change is also hard to come by. I don't want to sound like a pessimist, although, I probably do. I'm just trying to real. The question is whether or not you can let your guard down again for somebody that essentially f*cked you over. Think it through before anything else because after all, it is you who makes the decision in the end. Not your friend, not him, not your parents but, you. Whatever your decision, make sure it reflects your thoughts and emotions; overall, the real you.

I don't know if I'll be able to let my guard down completely anymore. But I know that he's going to try and gain my trust back, little by little. I know he loves me. I just don't understand what went through his head, why would he do this to me. The mistake he made shouldn't have been what he need to realize that he f*cked up. But.. I'm giving him another chance. And he knows everything.. Although I'm giving him another chance, I think... I don't know. I can't forgive him. Not yet.
He knows that I won't trust him for a long time. He knows nothing is ever going to be the same again because of his mess. And he knows that I'm different now because of what he did to me. He is willing to wait it out and be patient with me and he knows that he's the cause of everything...

[espressive]

What if he is able to make it work for us? Don't you think it's alright to give it a try?

That's a question for you, not me. Do you think you will be alright and able to put in the effort to give him a second chance? Simply said, I don't know you guys. I don't know him like you do. But just be warned - being in love may sometimes cloud your better judgment. That's why I always talk to a trusted friend who knows me very well, so she can give me insight on a situation in another perspective - perhaps one that I haven't seen or don't want to see.

But if you wanna know... I don't think anything's impossible. I think each situation, each person, each relationship is different. It's hard to say what will come out of this. I just know that staying with him will not ease the pain you were referring to. Seeing him will remind you of his betrayal, how you can't trust him, how things aren't the same anymore. Just the same, if you were to break up with him, there's the pain of losing somebody you love.

[Ekay]

Alright, if that's what you really want. Make sure it's worth it though.

Keep in mind that you are still young and that there's always other people that will flicker in and out of your life. Don't worry about finding that special person yet. Your life is going to be fairly long (I should hope) so just remember you got a ways to go.

What exactly made you decide to give him another chance though?

[CO0KiE]

That's a question for you, not me. Do you think you will be alright and able to put in the effort to give him a second chance? Simply said, I don't know you guys. I don't know him like you do. But just be warned - being in love may sometimes cloud your better judgment. That's why I always talk to a trusted friend who knows me very well, so she can give me insight on a situation in another perspective - perhaps one that I haven't seen or don't want to see.

But if you wanna know... I don't think anything's impossible. I think each situation, each person, each relationship is different. It's hard to say what will come out of this. I just know that staying with him will not ease the pain you were referring to. Seeing him will remind you of his betrayal, how you can't trust him, how things aren't the same anymore. Just the same, if you were to break up with him, there's the pain of losing somebody you love.

I don't have any other best friend than him. My old best friend, the girl who knew almost everything about me, and was always there for me, used me only because she was dating my brother.. and then.. yeah. I mean.. the only person who is close to me NOW is my friend Nicole. (Same name as me), but I've only known her for, what? Three months?
And I already spoke with her. SHe thinks I should give him another chance. And if he hurts me again, "we'll kill the b*tch and put him in the hospital" <-- that's what she said..

I'm hoping that he can fix this..

I just can't let go of him. And I know this may be clouding my better judgement, but I think that he will change. I'm hoping he will...

[CO0KiE]

Alright, if that's what you really want. Make sure it's worth it though.

Keep in mind that you are still young and that there's always other people that will flicker in and out of your life. Don't worry about finding that special person yet. Your life is going to be fairly long (I should hope) so just remember you got a ways to go.

What exactly made you decide to give him another chance though?

I wanted to give him another chance because he had never hurt me like this before.. Because he was my bestfriend, and was always there for me. Through all the hard hard hard times. The toughest times. Like When my mom died (she wasn't my mom, but she was the mom i had for 6 years because my mom is never around), he was there for me. He biked to see me to console me.. His life is extremely hard as well.. And I want to be there for him. Because I want to believe that he will change. I want to believe that we can make this work.. And because, I want to keep him in my life.. I know I'm only 17, but.. he was my rock. My solid ground.. What I lacked, he had. What he lacked, I had. We completed each other..

[Ekay]

That's true. People do deserve second chances. One thing I have to say is you have to find your own stable rock. Do not rely on another for that stability that you crave. Life will be easier if you can find stability within yourself. At least, that's how I see it.

[karmakiller]

you 17. he cheated. you got years a head of you to find something better.

drop it.

This.

[emberfly]

You would have to be really really stupid to accept someone like that back; regardless of what you feel about him. What you feel for him shouldn't even affect your decision; there are just so many other people in the world that will love you exactly the same who won't cheat on you; why keep this shitbag? You're way too good for him.

edit//

Your friend obviously knows nothing if she thinks he'll stop cheating on you. If a baby does something wrong and his/her parents don't punish him/her, the baby will continue to do said action. This is the same situation. You'd be doing you and him a favor by ending it. It will make him better with relationships by learning from this mistake. If you don't break up with him, he'll continue to be a tool.

[transcendentalis...]

you 17. he cheated. you got years a head of you to find something better.

drop it.

true story. dump his ass.

also, you're 17. as am i. so you guys dated for a bit over a year, and you make it sound like your life revolves around the prick. you guys aren't married - no mercy. you don't need his lying and cheating self. if he did for ten months, what makes you think he'll make a turnaround anytime soon? what kind of relationship is one without trust?

he needs you? bull. what he needs is a swift kick to the face. and balls.

[fameONE]

you 17. he cheated. you got years a head of you to find something better.

drop it.

Real talk.

[Stuckie]

Here is the best advice you can ever get on bad relationships...














Leave their sorry ass

But for real. You're a little too emotional for a little high school crush. Leave his ass, live your life, and Charlie Mike.

[loveneko]

My boyfriend of two years cheated on me 3 months into our relationship and forgave him. He would hang out with girls and it drove me insane, but he couldnt avoid being around other girls. He cheated on me again 7 months into the relationship, but he didn't have sex with her. I forgave him. A year and a half into the relationship he kissed another girl, I forgave him for it. 23 months into the relationship, he told me that he had sex with another girl, and that he was so sorry and that he loved me and that he wouldn't do it again. I left him immediately.

If you're a forgiving person, give him another chance, it may've been a mistake, but you must realize that if he did it once, he'll probably do it again.
One very important thing is if you are having sex. If you are, you're putting yourself at risk for STDs and HIV if you stay with him. If you're not having sex with him, then it doesn't matter much and you can stay with him.