Shit |
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 Jan 22 2009, 08:19 PM
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#1
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 ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶  Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,309 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,593  |
This is a short poem I wrote when I was feeling a bit emo after I had broke up with my ex 1.5 years ago. So yeah. Hope you guys like it.
I felt the need to share it, because I see the writing forum livelier, and would like to contribute as well. I titled it "Shit", because that's how I felt when I wrote it. Wasted... to the core I’m faded… colorful illusions paint my world as I enjoy the view through tinted windows. The voice of reason speaks again From the corner of the room, Where the black hole lies I dare not go near For fear I be sucked down. Turn the music louder And drown her out. I move my queen Checkmate. The game is over, But who has won? I’m left to wonder… Time melts on the branch And I sneer I will not be your fool! the only response my lazy echo repeats “..your fool.” Or was it you’re a fool? I could’ve sworn… No. There’s noone here. I’m alone. Wasting away. Fading into the backdrop Of the walls I create. |
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Jan 22 2009, 08:22 PM
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#2
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 Tick tock, Bill Group: Administrator Posts: 8,764 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 333,948 |
Tung, even though this is pretty emo (actually, not terribly emo, I've read some awful emo poetry), this is really quite good. You have a good sense of imagery.
Turn the music louder And drown her out. and tone. |
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Jan 22 2009, 08:45 PM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
QUOTE(Tung @ Jan 22 2009, 08:19 PM)  Time melts on the branch Reference to Salvador Dali's melting clock paintings? If so, awesome. I love his work. Nice allusion. |
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Jan 22 2009, 11:09 PM
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#4
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rawr? Group: Official Member Posts: 2,705 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 285,858 |
^ agreeee.
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Jan 23 2009, 05:09 PM
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#5
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٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,309 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,593 |
QUOTE(superstitious @ Jan 22 2009, 05:22 PM) Tung, even though this is pretty emo (actually, not terribly emo, I've read some awful emo poetry), this is really quite good. You have a good sense of imagery. Turn the music louder And drown her out. and tone. Haha. I'll admit, I was listening to some loud screamo Senses Fail music while doing this, so that's where the idea of the line came from. QUOTE(interpretation @ Jan 22 2009, 05:45 PM) Reference to Salvador Dali's melting clock paintings? If so, awesome. I love his work. Nice allusion. Actually I don't know who that is lol. But thanks. QUOTE( @ Jan 22 2009, 06:45 PM) shorten, and submit to contest prs.  Lol, but then I'll have to cut out 10. Maybe i'll write another one to submit |
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Jan 23 2009, 09:25 PM
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#6
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Senior Member Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
QUOTE(Tung @ Jan 23 2009, 05:09 PM) Actually I don't know who that is lol. But thanks.  Salvador Dali = amazing Surrealist painter.
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Jan 23 2009, 10:22 PM
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#7
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٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,309 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,593 |
lol whoaa. i've seen that picture before. lol..
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Jan 23 2009, 10:49 PM
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#8
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 DDR \\ I'm Dee :) Group: Mentor Posts: 8,662 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 384,020 |
Lol, I knew Cristy was going to make sure you knew who Dali was.
You should clean it up a bit (erm, shorten it) and submit it ;) |
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Jan 23 2009, 11:13 PM
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#9
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Senior Member Group: Head Staff Posts: 18,173 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,478 |
QUOTE(Tung @ Jan 23 2009, 10:22 PM) lol whoaa. i've seen that picture before. lol.. It's super-famous, so I'm not surprised. |
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