Virginity, Losing it to someone else..?? Options

[xskaterdrummer]

Alright, so me and the girl I'm currently "involved" with (we're long distance, and we're not in a 100% exclusive relationship, but once we're not long distance we will be.) are both virgins currently, and through her sister we basically both know that we really want to have sex with each other and that we're ready (we'll both be 18). the thing is, her sister told me that she wants to lose her virginity to "someone else" just so that she can actually "enjoy it" with me. I mean i guess in practicality it makes sense, but emotionally, it's just devastating for me to even think about it. we practically love each other.

do you think that her losing her virginity to someone else is just an excuse? or is she trying to be sensible?


on a sidenote, there is this guy at her work that she's been doing stuff with and hiding from me. even though her sister still assures me that she really likes me the most. =/

edit: we will be seeing each other in a little over a month, where it's very likely that we will be..doing it.

[karmakiller]

Well, at first I would say that she's probably just nervous, due to being inexperienced. But when you said there's another guy that she's been messing around with behind your back, it raised a red flag. Maybe she's more important to you than you are to her. If the only issue was the fact that she wanted to get the deed out of the way, then I would say that it was because she was nervous and didn't want it to suck. But if she's been doing something with someone else, then I think you both need to have a discussion about the status of your relationship and about how you both really feel.

[imperfectionistx]

her sister told me that she wants to lose her virginity to "someone else" just so that she can actually "enjoy it" with me.

What kind of girl actually says this to her... "almost" boyfriend? :P I mean yeah, maybe it won't be the most comfortable for her the first time, but like you said it's not the physicality, it's the emotions and feelings of the moment.

It sounds really fishy that she would tell you something like that so bluntly. Maybe you should talk to HER rather than going through her sister. Mayber her sister is changing the story, especially since she (your girl) is fooling around with a guy at work? Maybe she really just wants to... explore her options a bit more before settling down with you, if you know what I mean :/

I don't think any girl that flat-out tells you something like that has much integrity or honesty (or intelligence for that matter; why tell you something she's trying to cover up later?), even more so that she is hiding things from you. I'm not saying I'm right or she's a bad person but sorry to be so pessimistic, but her behavior and actions just seem so... wrong to me. I would really weigh your options.

[only-tuesdays]

There are a few things in your post that make me wonder if you should really even be considering having sex at all...

Alright, so me and the girl I'm currently "involved" with (we're long distance, and we're not in a 100% exclusive relationship, but once we're not long distance we will be.)

Like this. Look, I've done the long distance relationship and at the same age too. We were exclusive. If you actually "almost" love each other, it shouldn't be a problem. Not to mention if you're considering having sex, you really should be in a committed relationship.

through her sister we basically both know that we really want to have sex with each other and that we're ready (we'll both be 18).

And this. Let me get this straight. You can't even have this conversation with each other? You use her sister as the middle man? If you can't talk about having sex, how are you going to discuss things like condoms. Or what you will do if the condom doesn't work.

Let me make this perfectly clear. It doesn't matter if you're 12 or 102. If you can't talk about having sex with the person you want to have sex with, you aren't ready for it. Age doesn't have a damn thing to do with it, it is all about the maturity level of the people involved and your relationship as a whole.

the thing is, her sister told me that she wants to lose her virginity to "someone else" just so that she can actually "enjoy it" with me.

Yet again. Why are you using her sister as a middle man?

IF she actually said that, then that is something you should discuss with her. Not with her via her sister. Sex is a personal thing. Unless you're planning on having her sister there with you while you're doing it, man up and talk to your girl about this. Seriously.

we practically love each other.

You don't "practically" love someone. You either do, or you don't. And if you're planning on having sex for the first time, odds are you're probably feeling a lot more than "practically" love.

do you think that her losing her virginity to someone else is just an excuse? or is she trying to be sensible?
on a sidenote, there is this guy at her work that she's been doing stuff with and hiding from me. even though her sister still assures me that she really likes me the most. =/

Sounds like you talk to her sister more than you talk to her. If she's hiding something like this from you you shouldn't be having sex. Trust is pretty much mandatory when you decide to do "it".

edit: we will be seeing each other in a little over a month, where it's very likely that we will be..doing it.

And here's the clincher here. Can't you just say it? You're going to be seeing each other in a little over a month, where you're very likely going to be having sex. If you can't say that, you shouldn't even be thinking about it, much less talking to her sister about it.

[DoubleJ]

Bottom line is that she is f**king another guy already. If she said that she wants to go and f**k another guy, that means she has already done it bro. Leave this hoe and get somebody else.

[datass]

she wants to lose her virginity to "someone else" just so that she can actually "enjoy it" with me.

that doesnt make sense to me.