Sex Euphemisms, in books |
 Mar 14 2008, 01:55 AM
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#1
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 ;)  Group: Duplicate Posts: 2,374 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,760  |
What's the best euphemism for sex you've ever read in a book (any book! class book, romance novels, etc)?
We're reading Boccoccio's The Decameron in our Lit Hum class - it's basically a collection of short stories that ten people tell within a ten day period and most of them revolve around sex, it's pretty awesome. There's this one story where a priest (of some sort) is trying to get this girl into bed without outwardly saying "hey, lets have sex" and it pretty much goes down like this: Priest: you know, if you really want to service god, you should put the devil to hell. Girl: how do I do that, father? Priest: Well, follow my example. *takes off clothes* Girl: *takes of clothes and points at Priest* What is that which sticks out in front of your body in which I do not possess!! Priest: That's the Devil! But you know what? *points at girl* You have a Hell! Girl: OMG Priest: We must put the devil in hell! And thus proceeds to sex her and successfully put the devil in hell many times. Yeah, good stuff. |
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Mar 14 2008, 02:30 AM
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#2
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 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 3,071 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,748 |
Hahahaha, are you serious? Thats just hilarious.
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Mar 14 2008, 09:35 AM
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#3
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 I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite :-) Group: Official Member Posts: 3,008 Joined: Dec 2007 Member No: 601,399 |
QUOTE(heartquasm @ Mar 14 2008, 02:55 AM)  There's this one story where a priest (of some sort) is trying to get this girl into bed without outwardly saying "hey, lets have sex" and it pretty much goes down like this: Priest: you know, if you really want to service god, you should put the devil to hell. Girl: how do I do that, father? Priest: Well, follow my example. *takes off clothes* Girl: *takes of clothes and points at Priest* What is that which sticks out in front of your body in which I do not possess!! Priest: That's the Devil! But you know what? *points at girl* You have a Hell! Girl: OMG Priest: We must put the devil in hell! And thus proceeds to sex her and successfully put the devil in hell many times. Yeah, good stuff. LMAO! i cant beleve anyone would publish that book! 
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Mar 14 2008, 10:17 AM
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#4
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 Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 6,349 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 455,274 |
QUOTE(heartquasm @ Mar 14 2008, 02:55 AM) What's the best euphemism for sex you've ever read in a book (any book! class book, romance novels, etc)? We're reading Boccoccio's The Decameron in our Lit Hum class - it's basically a collection of short stories that ten people tell within a ten day period and most of them revolve around sex, it's pretty awesome. There's this one story where a priest (of some sort) is trying to get this girl into bed without outwardly saying "hey, lets have sex" and it pretty much goes down like this: Priest: you know, if you really want to service god, you should put the devil to hell. Girl: how do I do that, father? Priest: Well, follow my example. *takes off clothes* Girl: *takes of clothes and points at Priest* What is that which sticks out in front of your body in which I do not possess!! Priest: That's the Devil! But you know what? *points at girl* You have a Hell! Girl: OMG Priest: We must put the devil in hell! And thus proceeds to sex her and successfully put the devil in hell many times. Yeah, good stuff. This is a classroom that teaches this material?... |
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Mar 14 2008, 12:04 PM
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#5
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;) Group: Duplicate Posts: 2,374 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,760 |
^ Well, the class studies humanities based on literature through the years (mainly western literature, in our case), so it's not so much that we study the "sex" part of our readings, but more about what that says about society and how its progressed since the last work we've read.
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Mar 14 2008, 12:12 PM
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#6
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 Addict Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 3,918 Joined: Jun 2007 Member No: 538,522 |
Cue Tamacracker's rant on the degradation of America.
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Mar 14 2008, 01:12 PM
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 Miss DIY Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,251 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 11,294 |
Dang, I gotta pick this book up.
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Mar 14 2008, 04:26 PM
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#8
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t-t-t-toyaaa Group: Official Member Posts: 19,821 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 11,270 |
 That's one way to put it.
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Mar 14 2008, 04:31 PM
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#9
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 metalmouth hoee Group: Member Posts: 786 Joined: Aug 2007 Member No: 566,794 |
QUOTE(MichelleYue @ Mar 14 2008, 01:12 PM) Dang, I gotta pick this book up. |
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Mar 14 2008, 04:42 PM
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#10
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 6,349 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 455,274 |
QUOTE(S-Majere @ Mar 14 2008, 01:12 PM) Cue Tamacracker's rant on the degradation of America. Glad to know every time my presence is known that I stand for the fall of America's immoral youth.. and apparently their blasphemous education too o.O;  Sorry for the off-topic :P I'd definitely get a copy of this book to show off to all my friends the mockery of priests, would be a good laugh. |
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Mar 14 2008, 05:02 PM
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#11
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 <joke> inside </joke> Group: Official Member Posts: 2,283 Joined: Oct 2006 Member No: 470,590 |
QUOTE(heartquasm @ Mar 14 2008, 02:55 AM) What's the best euphemism for sex you've ever read in a book (any book! class book, romance novels, etc)? We're reading Boccoccio's The Decameron in our Lit Hum class - it's basically a collection of short stories that ten people tell within a ten day period and most of them revolve around sex, it's pretty awesome. There's this one story where a priest (of some sort) is trying to get this girl into bed without outwardly saying "hey, lets have sex" and it pretty much goes down like this: Priest: you know, if you really want to service god, you should put the devil to hell. Girl: how do I do that, father? Priest: Well, follow my example. *takes off clothes* Girl: *takes of clothes and points at Priest* What is that which sticks out in front of your body in which I do not possess!! Priest: That's the Devil! But you know what? *points at girl* You have a Hell! Girl: OMG Priest: We must put the devil in hell! And thus proceeds to sex her and successfully put the devil in hell many times. Yeah, good stuff. LMFAO that is HILARIOUS! i havent read books that are beyond beyond graphic. but there are a couple like that that ive read. |
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Mar 14 2008, 07:40 PM
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#12
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 Photoartist Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 12,363 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 399,390 |
What the heck?
So if I wanted to try to hit on a nun, I could say: "I'd put my devil in your hell." 
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Apr 11 2008, 07:17 PM
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#13
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;) Group: Duplicate Posts: 2,374 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,760 |
QUOTE(ArjunaCapulong @ Mar 14 2008, 08:40 PM) What the heck? So if I wanted to try to hit on a nun, I could say: "I'd put my devil in your hell." lol, you should try it sometimes. This book IS really entertaining, though. In a few of its stories, it has a girl getting taken advantage of, then realizing that she really, really likes sex, then has a sex drive so huge that she ends up tiring out her man. But it is a lot more than sex, though. It's a form of social commentary of the time period!  ... We're also reading Pride and Prejudice. I didn't think there was any sex whatsoever in the book when I read it in high school, but suddenly, my teacher's all about eroticism and how dancing is equivalent to sex. |
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May 13 2008, 06:30 PM
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#14
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 isketchaholic Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,977 Joined: Apr 2007 Member No: 516,154 |
sometimes books are so subtle that I don't even know the characters had sex. I was reading "A Woman In Berlin" and the narrator gets raped in broad daylight twice and I don't even know it until later she complains to other people that she was raped. I was like, WHAT? SHE GOT RAPED WTF.
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May 13 2008, 08:16 PM
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 Tick tock, Bill Group: Administrator Posts: 8,764 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 333,948 |
The works of Shakespeare are of full of them.
Some quotes from Midsummer's Night Dream - "Swift as a shadow, short as any dream; Brief as the lightning in the collied night." "So quick bright things come to confusion." "Masters, spread yourselves." "I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove; I will roar you, as 'twere any nightingale." |
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May 13 2008, 08:21 PM
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#16
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 Cornflakes :D Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 4,541 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 322,923 |
hahaha, thats to good. I'm going to have to go get this book and read it sometime.
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May 15 2008, 01:52 AM
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#17
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;) Group: Duplicate Posts: 2,374 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,760 |
QUOTE(doiink @ May 13 2008, 07:30 PM) sometimes books are so subtle that I don't even know the characters had sex. I was reading "A Woman In Berlin" and the narrator gets raped in broad daylight twice and I don't even know it until later she complains to other people that she was raped. I was like, WHAT? SHE GOT RAPED WTF. In the book I listed, Boccaccio makes it pretty clear that the characters are having sex, lol. I think it's particularly funny, because it's so obviously written by a man. Half of the books are about women getting so horny and completely tiring their male counterparts out. |
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