A Poem..., to a friend that betrayed me |
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 Jan 20 2008, 12:02 AM
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#1
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 DeadlyKitten  Group: Member Posts: 100 Joined: Jan 2008 Member No: 612,383  |
Back Stabber
I can feel this pain deep inside my hallow heart It bleeds and breaks and peels apart With e..very inch a rusted nail hangs Infecting my soul and depriving my brain Constantly it crawls up my spine Cracking each disk, taking its time It fills my lungs like a cancer filled pipe Blackening my breath, taking my life Slowly it burns and breaks threw twice Like a cavity filled with sugar and ice I open my mouth with guilt slapping its blame Hurting the shadows and claming my name |
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Jan 20 2008, 12:08 AM
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#2
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,011 Joined: Jun 2007 Member No: 533,410 |
The poem is alright. Sorry that you had to go through that.
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| *yrrnotelekktric* |
Jan 20 2008, 12:20 AM
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#3
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Guest |
There`s some minor grammar mistakes,
but i really enjoyed it. I can kind of relate to it, too. 
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Jan 24 2008, 10:11 AM
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#4
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 I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite :-) Group: Official Member Posts: 3,008 Joined: Dec 2007 Member No: 601,399 |
that is really good
ive tried to write poetry before... i suck! 
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Jan 24 2008, 07:49 PM
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#5
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 Addict Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 3,918 Joined: Jun 2007 Member No: 538,522 |
Mine would be less metaphorical - with more cussing. Hope you get over it, time heals.
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Jan 24 2008, 11:12 PM
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#6
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 That's what she said. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 3,559 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,200 |
Moved to Writing.
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