He lied but i forgave yet i cant forget it Options

[DeadlyKitten]

Ok...
so i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. its been rocky but something inside keeps saying its worth it. we dont have the best communication but i know its better then most. back in june i found out he lied to me about smoking pot after he promised me he wouldnt. then in september i found out he lied about wanting to be with another girl. still to this day he says he dont know why he did what he did and he was VERY stupid for doing it. he said he doesnt know why or what made him do it cause he knew it would hurt me.
but still i cry about it and always feel like he's lien to me. i want to forget about it so bad cause i know its keeping our relationship from growing but its so hard.

now i dont know how guys are when it comes to competition or what ever...but this girl happend to be the ex girlfriend of his cousin which use to be his bestfriend. he is now in a relationship that he regrets leaving his ex for. i feel that between me saying not to talk to her and him having a one up on his cousin he'd feel better about himself. like if he had his ex that that would make him jealous or what have you of him.

my other thought is that he is scared of commitment. like he doesnt want to become more in love with me in fears that this relatioship may end and the longer it goes the more painful itll be if it ends.

when it comes down to it...i want to be able to trust him again. i want to be able to watch a movie with a nude sex scene and feel comfortable that he's looking at another nude women. ever since he lied i feel like anything that has to do with another girl...just upsets me....or anything that has to do with pot....upsets me. can someone please help me. i dont want to give up on this relationship...at least not yet. i do love him...as a friend and as a boyfriend. i'm in love with him. i'm just scared i'll never be able to trust him again...and that in the end will kill both of us.

[superficial]

Listen, if you're not able to trust someone, you're not going to get anywhere with your relationship. If you feel that you can never trust me, then it's best if your relationship ends.

[superficial]

Double post. My apologies.

[icecreamisyummy]

hmm that sucks.

i remember i was in that situation, somewhat, before.

i found he was part of this porn dating site and i conforonted him adn he promised he wouldnt go on it again but he continued. and lied to me the whole time... everytime i see that he's online late, i know that thats what he's doing and i mention somethign abotu it to him and he just tells me im beig dumb.

it sucks, but it happens.

you either learn to trust him or youre gonna have to end it cuz its not healthy at all.

what do his friends say about you guys's relationship?

[miyashu]

i would suggest talking seriously to your boyfriend about this issue. basically, tell him that you're still hurting about what happened but that you really want to trust him again. it's just going to take a while, and hopefully he understands and respects your feelings.

i understand, because i've been in almost that very same situation (my boyfriend used to smoke pot, too and had 2 slips for the first few months.) when someone whom you love breaks your trust, it's very difficult to believe them when they say certain things...

i hope it works out for the both of you :)

[DeadlyKitten]

I understand. i jsut want to figgure out ways to help it before it comes to actually ending the relationship. and as for his friends...they say nothing bad (that i know of) most of his friends see me as a friend and the ones that dont i havent met

[Melie]

maybe it's time to talk to him and ask him how he feels. a lot of times girls forget to ask how the guy is doing. he may be having some personal issues that he's not talking to you about. you also need to express your feelings without pointing the finger at him. instead of saying "you" a lot, say "i" or "me". i know how you feel because i'm going through that kind of stuff right now. but what keeps our relationship going is that we always express how we feel and what we want as a solution to the problem.

[transcendentalis...]

you don't have to forget in order to move on.

and that in the end will kill both of us. unsure.gif

wow, melodrama?

if he can't consistently tell you the truth, he isn't worth a damn thing. if he can't break his old habits, he's not worth it.

[iGio]

Everyone has their vice.You just have to cope with it.That's what a relationship IS about.There HAS to be lies for you to GROW as a couple.There has to be a time when your scared that you won't be able to trust him.So you can take the time to define if what you have is worth it or not.Being with someone is about growing together.Being rocky and stuff like that.

I mean if he lied about wanting to be with another girl.It's going to hurt you yeah but there may be a reason why he didn't tell you.To figure things out for him?.If your afraid to talk to him about this then this won't last very long.Communication is key.It might sound cliche.But if your not able to feel like you can trust your man.Then why are you still with him?He's your boyfriend.You fell for him for a reason.You dated him for this long for a reason.Remember that.If he lied to more than once.Do him a solid and leave him.

Simple =).