Christmas Log, What the SH%$!! Options

[bat19]

As I sit here on my scarred hardwood floor, sipping Tangerine-Cream soda and listening to Beastie Boys: The In Sound from Way Out (For a funkadelic good time go check this cd out. For every cd sold, a child in Africa realizes how shitty their life is and migrates to America. Every little bit helps.), I can't help but lament on my morning activities. It all started out normal, me slowly waking on said floor at the crack of 11:45am after a night of multiple B-O-N-G hits which left me in a state of blissful degression to a more primitive state. After waking, I realized that my nights binging of Handi-snacks and Keebler Grasshopper cookies had left me with pains in my abdomen. I walk into the conversation area of my apartment to see my flatmate sitting eating Pops from a chipped ornamental bowl. He tries to impede my progress with idle conversation which I skillfully disengage myself from. Then I sit on my toilet and pray for the best. My prayers were ignored.

The absolute biggest shits I have ever taken in my life clawed their way out of my rectum. These were huge, they had the shape of a lightbulb only slightly bigger. My ass hurt very bad and it took a while to stand. Flushing was another hurdle to cross, as the shits were just too f**king big. The water slowly began to rise but quick thinking made use of the plunger which held it's position at the side of the porcelain toilet. After three quick churning movements, the water fell through with whirlpool action and hurricane force, and the ordeal was finished.

After I was sure the danger was over, I went out to the conversation area to tell of my adventures to my flatmate. His reaction was less than what I'd hoped, showing more disgust than amazement. I hope my tale will help whoever should find their attentions fixed to it and I hope your prayers are with my anus. Thank you, and Merry Christmas.